Tag Archives: youtube

Douggie Dances

People often ask me about Douggie B.

I’ve never known how to really answer them.

But then some phone company answered it for me, through the medium of dance.

If you spent your first viewing looking at anything other than Douggie, you’re a stronger person than me.

It wasn’t until the 5th time I watched it I even saw Michael Clarke trying to be too cool for school on the right.

The lesson for all viral marketers here is simple, promote any product you want with Douggie Bollinger dancing and you’ll have me playing it.

Had I know he could dance like this, I would have paid him to dance at my wedding.

If you see Douggie this summer, I suggest just putting a few bucks down his trousers and seeing if he performs.

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Yuvraj in special effects masterpiece

Fire comes from Yuvi’s ass in this ad, and that is not the best special effect in it.

The best special effect is how thin he looks.

From BCCI.

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Murali licks his fingers

Nick left this in the comments, and I think it needs a wider audience.

I’ve never been a big fan of the catchphrase, finger lickin’ good.

It dates back to when I was a kid when I saw a guy come out of a bedroom he had briefly shared with a young female and he licked his fingers and then said the phrase.

I have nothing against fingering people, but men licking fingers is never good.

When a woman licks a finger it brings up connotations of fellating, the problem is, that is does for men as well.

So now, thanks to some shitty fried chicken corporation I have the image of Murali blowing someone in my head.

Then, as if the metaphor of him sucking his fingers isn’t bad enough, they plop down a huge white substance, which I am sure is tasty, but does pass more than a casual resemblance to human ejaculate.

I bet a lot of mention discovered new feelings after seeing this ad.

Possibly a few dreams about magic fingers…

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AB de Villiers rocks out with stethoscopes

The bio for AB de Villier’s latest song says, “It’s no secret that sports and music are a perfect match”. Isn’t it? Now I feel out of the loop.

So I watched AB’s song to see this sporting musical symmetry that AB hinted at with “show them who you are”.

I’m not going to take you through the whole video, it speaks for it self. Yes it is in Afrikaans, but if you can’t get the song’s message with the subtle video only, they’ve failed in their efforts to be as didactic as possible.

What I want to talk about is not the uplifting message of the song, nor do I want to talk about the effect of when Ampie Du Preez morphs out of AB, even the passing the digital fire scene can be ignored and I’ll even overlook Francoise Du Plessis cameo.

No, what I want to talk about happens at the 34 second mark of the video, and it may be the creepiest thing to ever happen in a soft cock uplifting pseudo chrisitan cricket music video ever.

AB puts a stethoscope on the kid’s neck, the end of the Stethoscope goes straight down the pants* of AB de Villiers.

you're going to grow up nice

what do you hear?

His genitals must be magical though, as that kid grows up to be a doctor.

There is almost nothing missing from this music video; gender stereotyping, creepy interplay with children, Francois Du Plessis, Christian imagery, suicide, soft rock angst, hope, American footballs, slow motion running, rocking out in a mist, wow, it really does have everything.

When people ask is there nothing AB de Villiers can do, we now know the answer is no.

*The stethoscope actually goes into his pocket, but considering the often creep nature of this video, they should have used another pocket.

Thanks to the kind folks at SA cricket blog for showing us this gem.

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Andrew Strauss roars, sort of

We’ve had the Australian Ashes ad, with Mitchell as one of the all time best and Keith Miller wrongly omitted.

Now the English are getting in on it with an ad made by Sky.

What Works:

The costumes are not cheap plastic costumes like Strauss wore for some other ad. The medieval helmet and pads are cool, I want some.

Paul Collingwood does actually look like he could star in a b grade green screen sand and sandal epic. Not a speaking part, but just the nuggety looking dude in the back ground who gets shit done, but dies early in the third act.

The lion. Who ever said, let’s get a lion, I like the person, although it would have worked better with Graeme Swann leaning on it eating some bread.

The MCG, if there was ever a place that English cricketers were thrown to the lions.

It’s very camp, and that works in a unintentional comedic way.

What doesn’t:

Ian Botham.  He might seem himself as Oliver Reed, but most of us see him as more Benny Hill these days.  He can’t pull off this speech, and I still have no idea what he is saying.

The goofy shot at the end, Stuart Broad looks like the Jonas Brothers have come on stage, Swann and Colly look like they are reacting to someone say, “come on boys, sly smirk time”.  Why use a facial expression that none of these guys would ever use out on the ground, and also change it from the tough guy facade from earlier. It goes from trying to be a cool guy Ashes ad, to an ad for preperation H (Can you tell which one of these guys had hemorrhoids?).

Why does Strauss wear a helmet at the end, it makes no sense. He has no gloves with him, so wearing a helmet is just wrong.  Plus, why would he be out on the field staring at the stands with two bowlers and a batsman, while wearing a helmet. Also you can’t see his face, why would you hide the face of the captain?  Why, just, why?

Fat man in the corner playing drums, really?

It’s very camp, and that doesn’t work for the general mood of the piece.

The editing seems rushed, in these sort of camp macho scenes (every man has seen thousands of them) the manly tightening of a strap or the slashing of a sword (bat in this case) is done in almost super slow motion, you linger on it, you can feel the metal, the leather, it tightens around you and you get this “lets go to battle” buzz, this one feels more like, lets dress up and listen to the old fart before we get our golf game in.

Stuart Broad, gladiator?

Of these three men, surely only Colly should have been made to roar, Strauss sounds like a guy angry someone has scratched his rolls royce.

Which is better:

Got give it to the Aussies, and by that I mean Cricket Australia, and not the Sky one which is technically owned by an Aussie.

The Cricket Australia one is just more crickety.  The pacing is perfect, it makes you want to start the match as the bowlers come in.  Sure it has it’s problems (yes, I mean KEITH MILLER not being in it), but it has cricket in it, and not just Strauss and Swann waving bats around like they are auditioning for star wars the musical.  The average CG and camp costumes cancel each other out.  Both have terrible commentators that balance each other out. I watched them both back to back, and even Botham is way less annoying in the aussie one.  Although, both could do with 100% less Ian Botham.

The aussie one just feels better, like cricket is cool, not that cricket has to play dress ups to feel cool.  Although, a lion fighting a kangaroo in the Aussie one would have been a nice touch.

First seen over at the reverse sweep.

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The IPL is back in India, splash water on your face, do a push up, read the paper

Buy the book, get a t-shirt, or donate to the whisky fund.

Like Ganguly doesn’t have an employee to wash his face.

The stunt double pretending to be Warne is doing a great job.

Has anyone ever read the paper with more intensity.

The IPL is back in India.

The IPL is back, so are the weird ass ads.

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Damien Fleming talks shit

Amy s also has the latest Damien Fleming spoof ad. I know it is almost a direct rip off of the original one he did, but it is Damien Fleming in a sewerage plant.

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Dennis

One more, an ode to Dennis via Tooheys.

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