Tag Archives: virat kohli

minnows good enough to abuse now

When an Australian fielder leans in to talk, there is a good chance a batsman is getting some flak.  It could be professional advice, career counseling or questions about his family, but the batsman is getting chirped, sledged or mentally disintegrated.  Usually the word cunt is used, occasionally cock or mother fucker, and for those who play in the IPL, benchod.

Ireland were probably called some of those yesterday.  From the first ball Australian fielders were leaning in, sometimes in unison with an aggressive clap, and saying things that seemed to upset some of the Ireland players.

It wasn’t that many years ago that Australian players took to the field against a minnow with grins and little preparation.  Not anymore.

While the ICC limited overs rankings mean little to anyone ever in history of humanity, Australia wouldn’t want to be below Ireland on the rankings.  And so they played Ireland the way they play anyone, with aggression.

It’s also clear they had a fair bit of analysis on the strengths of the Ireland side, and shut them down.

It was in the 09 World T20 that New Zealand’s Iain O’Brien was smashed in the first over of the match against Scotland for 16 runs.  O’Brien had been given a plan on how to bowl to Watts, and he’d executed it, except he was actually bowling to Watson.

That is less likely now.  Many of the airlines that flew into the ground had the ICC road to the World T20 playing on their planes.  You could watch your opposition as you ate your complimentary nuts.   That’s not even including how much video is actually around on these players.

There is probably more video of Trent Johnston than there is on George Bailey.

The minnow teams of the past were often one man affairs.  Every successful team had a John Davison type player.

Now with Ireland and Afghanistan, it’s a team thing.  It seems like from 1-9 you could bat the Afghanis in any order and not lose much.  Ireland is the new New Zealand.  Everyone seems purpose built to fit into the team and make it just a little bit better.  And in the case of Ireland and Afghanistan, these are teams dominated by local players, not imports.

But what was also there was a belief that both teams belong.

Gary Wilson attacked David Warner verbally.  Wilson wanted Warner to know Ireland weren’t give up after an average first innings total.  Later on I think it was Naib bowling when Kohli came down the wicket and pushed the ball back before having it thrown by him it a fit of anger.

It wasn’t quite a Stuart Broad throw (no fingers were broken), but it showed intent, and got the full stare of menace from Kohli in return. It wasn’t that long ago Kohli and Warner were staring each other down in Perth, now minnow players are doing it.

It’s doubtful that minnow teams, even ones not at the level of Ireland and Afghanistan, will probably ever be taken as lightly as the great UAE side of the 96 World Cup.  The term minnow may not even be used in a few years.

Afghanistan and Ireland are a long way from being regular international winners, but if you can upset an Australian or an Indian, without even playing a shot, something has definitely changed in world cricket.

Perhaps that’s what Gary Wilson was telling young Mr Warner. Or, maybe he just called him a bellicose troglodyte.

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Indian Cricketers tell people they are about to die

While it was clear that watching a Mark Waugh ad about dandruff could kill you, he never said it outright.

The Indian cricketers have.

And it’s creepy and brilliant.

Based on the performances of Sachin, Yuvraj and especially Viru, I am now writing a horror script for them to star in.

The only one I won’t cast is Virat, because it’s clear he’s not acting and is actually a murderer.

If you’re reading this Virat, only joking. If I turn up with an armed guard when I have to interview you, that’s also part of the joke.

Apparently the players and BCCi want the ad banned. But only because they have just realised that Virat really is a serial killer.

As for Yuvraj and the grave digging scene, that’s in bad taste, isn’t it? I mean, in this day and age Yuvraj would have employed a guy with a truck to do that, wouldn’t he?

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The Ultimate IPL Guide: Bangalore Royals

Reporting this tournament in any sort of conventional style would be pretending this is a sporting event.

It’s not. Its an entertainment juggernaut.

It doesn’t matter who wins or loses, but who entertains you.

Here is a run down of the players who can be relied upon for some sort of pleasure.


Still look like a librarian, but more one you’d like to do learn the dewy decimal system from.

Porn Star: KP

The man they all wanted. Won’t be there long, has a shocking 2020 record, but will have every camera and microphone pointed at him. Captaining, because that worked so well for him last time.

Pole Dancer: Jesse Ryder

An absolute bargain buy, but could end up as the go to guy for Bangalore with his hitting, occasional wobblers, and general presence, Bangalore might just jump on the big fella’s back and ride him towards the finals.

The boy next door: Virat Kohli

Probably the poorest looking Indian line up in the league. Kohli stands out, is still young, but looks like a freak with the bat.

Model: Rahul Dravid

Made a lot of runs last time, but not at a great rate. Is just not suited to this format, and is here because he is a legend of Indian cricket, not because he is a great 2020 player.

Home Made/Amateur: Roelof van der Merwe.

Smashing Australia at the moment. Handy spinner and ADD like hitter.

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