Tag Archives: umpires

Helmets for Umpires

Daryl Harper, Bob Willis’ favourite umpire, has said that with bigger bats and twenty20 cricket taking over umpires are now in danger of getting hit more, and should be given helmets.


If you get hit as an umpire, you should be fired.

Any umpire who hasn’t the eyesight or agility to get out of the way of a ball that is being sent from 22 yards is perhaps in the wrong line of work.

That is the ultimate test.

In the IPL the other day an umpire at square leg got hit in the hip.

The dude was clearly having a kip.

For an umpire like Dayrl Harper, a head injury might emprove his performance.

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Is it a crime to shoot Daryl Harper?

As bad as the game went for England, they could have lost by more.

Just as Darren Powell and Fidel Edwards were about to put on a hundred run partnership, Powell was given out caught behind playing a hook shot.

It looked dodgy as hell, and Powell was asking for a referral before the umpire was finished raising his finger.

The video footage showed bat, fresh air, and ball.

He looked about an inch from the ball.

The decision was obviously going to be overturned.

Except, it wasn’t.

Daryl Harper had decided that daylight between bat and ball didn’t constitute an obvious mistake on behalf of an umpire giving a caught behind decision.


Homer has the cricinfo commentary up, Michael Holding seemed do doubt his own eyes, and Bob Willis had some nice words for Daryl.

“He’s got to be given his pension book and [taken] out of there. He is hopeless.”

Anyone can make a mistake on the field, but it takes a special kind of assclown to do so off the field watching a video.

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Video Killed the Umpiring Star (yeah totally with it title)

Umpires are taking a big step forward in becoming coat racks with the referral system being introduced today.

The ICC has trialled the referral system in county cricket and found it doesn’t work very well without hawk eye, so they are allowing hawk eye in, but not the predictive aspects.

The predictive aspects of hawk eye are what i like to get wanky guestimations based on bullshit.

In the Sydney test, or bastard monkey gate as it is now known, Andrew Symonds was given not out by the third umpire in a decision, that although was not 100% conclusive, could have gone either way.

People still complained.

Third umpire decisions are often the source of people’s malcontent.

Because Videos don’t make decisions, people do, and people see with their eyes, their very human eyes, and human eyes all seem to see things differently.

How many times have you heard two commentators disagree with each other over the potential third umpire decision? Once, twice, thrice?

So while this system may stop some mistakes, it’s not going to please everyone like some cricketing form of Viagra.

People will still say:

Home sides get a better run.

Australia gets all the decisions.

This umpire has always had it in for us.

South African’s always cheat.

Darrel Hair hates dark people (yeah I said that, but it’s still a whinge).

This wouldn’t have happened with umpires who understand the conditions.

And whatever else negative people say to make their side look like the poor unfortunates, rather than the over rated cry babies they most likely are.

On a sad note, the referral system will not be used for all decisions.

The dismissal type, timed out, will not be able to be checked by the third umpire as Hawk Eye does not have a stop watch.


Replace all cricketers with Harrison Ford I say

As much as I love VVS, I’m very angry with him right now.

Sydneysiders have got to watch him make two hundreds already.

But what have I seen, some starts, some teases and a lot of foreplay, but do I get the satisfaction one can receive from a Laxman hundred, no.

Sorry VVS, you will never be able to replace Natalie Portman in my dreams.

I didn’t even get to see it on the TV, but I did get to hear Harsha, Peter, Skull and Geoff Lawson talk about how great Laxman was, and how sh1te Dravid was.

I’ve always liked Dravid, so when I say this, I say it lovingly, in Japan when a samurai warrior is past his use by date, he commits seppuku. Think about it Rahul.

Australia are in a pretty good position at the close of play, and we all knows it’s because of the damn umpires, not the fact they let two tail enders score half centuries.

Bloody cheating Australians.

Steve “Roo” Bucknor and Mark “Emu” Benson continued to cheat for Australia at every turn, we all know that if it wasn’t for the umpires Tendulkar would average 99.95 and India would be the number one test nation in the world.

Rick(y) obviously decided that his hissy fit yesterday was a bit soft, so today he caught Dravid and then said he didn’t. That’s not true, he probably wasn’t sure if he caught it or not, so he decided to not go to the third umpire.

This is a shame, because Mark Nicholas is at his best when commentating third umpire replays. In fact its the only time I don’t want to do him bodily harm.

I think we should use the third umpire for every ball, just to make 100 perecent sure there are no mistakes, then we should replace umpires with robots that can count and use Blade Runneresque replicants instead of players.

That will stop all mistakes.

Mitchell Johnson got another wicket of a no ball today, but his one true fault is bowling 74 centimetres outside off stump all fu©king day.

Laxman proved he is a humanitarian by donating to the Save The Tongue Foundation, the chairman is Sourav.

Dravid spent all day not playing a shot, including a whole session where he scored 19 with only 6 singles, but then played possibly the ugliest shot this side of a Michael Bevan short ball convention.

Tomorrow I resume my position on the couch.

Remember, every day that I get fatter, I do so for you, the people.

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Umpires and spilt milk

I was trying to avoid this, but my indian friends just can’t get past it.

Mistake one – Ponting gets a wide one down the leg side, flicks at it, obvious noise, bat near nothing else. Given not out. Umpires are generally more cautious with caught behind decisions down the leg side. Was out, wasn’t given, not the first batsmen to tickle one down the leg side and given not out. 4/10.

Mistake two – Ponting gets forced back on the crease by Bhajji gets thickish inside edge onto pad. Given out Lbw. Decision was right all accept for the nick. Probably a worse decision than the first one, as nick caused severe deviation. 3/10.

Mistake three – Sharma gets a good ball to Roy which lifts and deviates, Roy smashes it, turns his head to see where its gone, and even shifts his weight like he is going to walk. Then Bucknor gives it not out and Sharma has a (semi justified) hissy fit. Shocking decision, huge deflection, and big noise. 0/10.

The 50/50 – Anil Kumble deceives Roy who over balances slightly, Dhoni takes the bails off. One camera Roy looks slightly in, but not a great angle. Second angle he looks out, but its hard to see the bail properly. Third angle if you believe in shadows you can say there is no doubt, but when/if you were a murder suspect and the evidence revolved around shadows you’d hope the jury gave you some doubt. 7/10.

All this adds up the obvious bias that Australian cricketers receive. Something should be done about it, we should get neutral umpires in, like Simon Taufel.

I would list all the mistakes the Australian and Indian players made, but its way more than 4 and i don’t have the time, who has the time?

Oh and if you’d like to talk to me about the hypocrisy of Ponting storming off after he’d already got a bit of luck his way, don’t, cause i agree it was a pretty poor effort on his behalf, and not the first time.

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