Tag Archives: the oval

Ashes fact 77

The oval was once a detainment camp for nymphomaniac women.

Back in the late 1800s, when horny women were frowned upon by the English Monarchy, the Establishment would round the women up and chuck them all in the Oval.

It became a place of debauchery and sin. Before the OCS stand was built, the old stand was known as the Lesbos stand.

Mark Ramprakash, who was playing for surrey in the 1800s, talks about that period, “You have to remember that at that time women becoming wanton sex goddesses was frowned upon, but had they known that throwing all these women here would have started such blatant lesbian sex, they would have thought twice about it.”

Cricketers however were very pleased with the situation, and Surrey and England prospered while the Oval was full of nymphs as the opposition teams weren’t used to large scale Lesbian orgies in the grand stands during games.

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one dayers in england

Melbourne is well known for its over zealous crowds at one day internationals. 

That is where i learnt to love, then hate the one day game. 

So recently i went to the oval, and saw a very different one day game, this is my story. 

I saw 2 police officers for the whole day at the Oval. In Melbourne they are everywhere, even in the members, you can see them plainly all day, and none of them look happy to be there. 

The average age of a spectator at the Oval was 52.3.The average age at the MCG is 21.

Everyone in melbourne has t shirts or singlets on, if they have a shirt at all, at the oval stripey and other patterned shirts are the way of the land.

Very little jandal/thong/flip flop action at the oval.

It costs 80 fucken quid to go to a one dayer at the oval. It costs 40 bucks in Australia.

The beer is full strength at the oval, but the ban you from drinking for 90 minutes, in Australia its weaker strength beer and everyone seems to be drunk anyway.

A woman complained because the wind knocked over beer from people behind her leaving the concrete wet. In Melbourne everything is wet, from beer, water, piss and whatever else people throw in the Mexican wave.

People actually watch the cricket in England at one day circket.

No one was thrown out.

There were no hot chicks who purposefully walked up and down their aisles all day so guys could hollar at them.

The only chants at the oval are for cricket, not you’re going home in the back of a divvy van.

No one threw anything.

The cricket is the main focus. People seem to actually care what happens in the middle.

The atmosphere is more like that of boxing day test, all except for boxing day.

No one appeared drunk before hand.

Without the crowd atmosphere you are reminded how boring one day cricket is.

And the most amazing difference between a one dayer in Melbourne and one at the Oval is….

The ball can quite easily be hit into the grand stand.

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