Tag Archives: stuart macgill

Buchanan is in the news, here comes an angry leggie

Everyone knew that when John Bhooka Naan was given a job by the poms Shane Warne was going to pipe up, he is as predictable as he is good.

But how many people thought Stuart MacGill would as well?

“John Buchanan’s mantra has always been that if the players look after themselves, the results will look after themselves,”

“In 2005, Australia had a very, very good side, all they needed to do was tailor-make a game plan, and we didn’t. We didn’t spend any time on their players or conditions.”

“What won England the Ashes in 2005 was their bowling, and if you look at it now, we got (bowling coach) Troy Cooley and they got John Buchanan.”

“Troy Cooley won England the Ashes and John Buchanan lost it for us.”

“I don’t begrudge Buck for trying to make a living, but his coaching record in England isn’t crash hot. He lost the Ashes and had a stint with Middlesex that also didn’t work out.”

The best bit about all this isn’t that MacGill has come out against Buchs, it’s that he did so in the Murdoch press.

How angry must he be at Buchanan to speak to them.

Perhaps it is because he didn’t get a game that series…

Tagged , , ,

2008, the year of the trundler

Australia’s spinners, the ugliness has been spread around.

Hogg 2 tests

We started with Hogg, why, because MacGill was injured and stroppy, and instead of trusting the most inform spinner in the country, McGain, they went with the one day spinner.

It was a mistake, if Yuvraj and Gunguly didn’t play, Hogg would have killed himself. Instead, he retired.

MacGill 2 tests

Then MacGill was ‘fit’, so he was rushed backed into the side. He was not fit, he was not motivated, and decided to give it up. The problem was Australia selectors did not think this was a possibility. Instead of taking the next best spinner in the country, they took a project player.

Even MacGill has said McGain should have been taken. He wasn’t and Casson was given a test.

Beau Casson 1 test

Casson was no where in Australian spinning. I wrote about the best 7 or so spinners in shield cricket mid way through last year, and he wasn’t on it. I saw him bowl on the same pitch McGain took a five for, and he was ordinary, Victoria treated him like a part timer. I assumed he was playing as a batsman.

Then he took wickets in his last 3 or 4 matches, and he took a fair few, some of them were taken head to head against McGain in the shield final, a game where McGain was injured and Victoria had a impossible chase on the last day but they had a crack anyway and Casson cashed in.

This, and the fact MacGill was fit, meant he got a ticket to the Windies, and then a test match, as flying McGain over for a dead test was never going to happen. He picked up 3 wickets and bowled average, then he was shafted. Now they look to have ruined his confidence forever.

Picking Hauritz before him was like getting his Grandmother to shit down his throat, after the rest of the family have had their turn. By the time he is feeling better, others will be ahead of him.

White 4 tests

Was picked under the” he can bat a bit and when he was younger he bowled ok” ruling for India. The selection never really made sense, and when Krejza came in and did well, it made even less sense.

White hardly bowled for Victoria in the previous season, and in general struggles to bowl to good players of spin. So picking him was their way of saying, the rest of you suck.

4 tests, can you believe it.

Krejza 1 test

According to Tim Neilson, was held back until he was ready. Lucky he wasn’t played a week earlier, that could have been disastrous. I thought he was the best spinner behind McGain, and that still looks correct, his 12 wickets are hard to really judge, but his bowling was good, and he stood under the pressure.

He would be pissed to miss the Gabba, and then Radelaide, especially being replaced by a club spinner, but will definitely play in Melbourne and Sydney.

Hauritz 1 test

Who the hell knows. Ricky seems to think he bowled ok, Jeremy Coney and Paul Allot gave him some stick on sky, I thought he was lucky, to get a test and wickets.

I would have preferred Xavier Doherty or Aaron Heal really.

McGain, never mind

Tagged , , , ,

Jacques talks about the mumps and Lord Stuey

After my “No comment” from Bryce McGain, I was pretty fired up to get comments from other cricketers about Lord Stuey’s departure.

So I contacted every player in the West Indies to get their reaction.

They all said variations of “He was a champ, we will miss him” and none of them had the power or concise nature of Bryce’s words.

But one man had the balls to ball cricket with balls his true feelings.

Phil Jacques said this,

“I am fu©king ecstatic that Lord Long hop has finally decided to fuck off.

Do you have any idea what it is like to be at short leg when he bowls three full bungers and two long hops an over?

It’s freakin scary.

You know I had the mumps earlier this year, my balls are still swollen, and Lord Fancy pants is throwing up little Jacques killers ball after ball.

I’m glad the bastard is gone.”

Strong words I’m sure you’ll agree.

But you’ve got to hand it to him for being honest, and for naming his sausage little Jacques.

Tagged ,

Lord Stuey, a tribute, a bagging, a goodbye

Lord Stuey was like an unromantic, and grumpy version of Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.

Unfortunately for him he walked into a dressing room that was more Mad Max than Jane Austen.

He was never ever going to fit in, some will say he didn’t have to.

They could be right, 200 wickets @ 28 with a titillating strike rate should have been enough.

But the Australian public has an image of it’s cricketers, and Stuey MacGill was not it.

The fact a born and bred Australian could be thought of as less Australian than a West Indian dread locked Pommy born player is amazing.

Stuey is Australian, but he just aint the Australian that most people automatically think of.

He was too educated.

Quiet when he should be loud, and loud when he should be quiet.

He sledged his team mates more than he sledged the opposition.

He was sulky.

Too sure of himself.

Wanted to distance himself from the sport that made him.

Took political stands.

Hated Murdoch papers.

Got excited in odd moments.

Bowled too many bad balls.

Had an air that alienated sports fans.

Sometimes he looked angrier getting a wicket than he did getting hit for four.

His long sleeves and correctly annunciated words were of another era, and another country.

The average Australian cricket fan thought he was a wanker.

He wasn’t the sort of bloke you’d have a beer with, want your sister dating, could visit port phillip island with.

Stuey was more the kind you’d expect behind the lectern giving a speech on Political Science.

Australian cricket is not the place for a man like him, and it showed throughout his whole career.

He had the anger, the hunger and the skill to play for Australia, but he just did it differently.

At his best he was in the top 3 leg spinners in the world.

At his worst he was uglier than a Chernobyl reunion.

He imparted amazing spin on the ball.

When he took wickets, he took bag fulls.

But he was erratic, he was difficult and he could lose the plot like few before him.

His failures were extravagantly wonderful, including bowling the West Indies to a record 4th innings run chase.

Team mates, the media and fans couldn’t work him out, the fact that Brad Hogg, a man with 1/80th the skills level was more well liked tells a great picture.

He was Lord Stuey, the man with the golden hands.

Part old world spinner, part new world intellectual.

A man who enjoyed a sip of merlot to a skull of xxxx.

A man who refused to fit in.

A man who very rarely bored you.

You may have loved him.

You may have hated him.

But how many people had no opinion on him at all?

Stuey, it has been a pleasure to bag you, worship you, laugh at you, laugh with you and watch you.

You have earned your place in the Leg Spinning Val Halla.


Lord Stuey departs

The old grey mare, she aint what she used to be.

So she retired.

Leaving behind a muddled mess of public utterances of a man who clearly didn’t know what he wanted in recent times.

MacGill hasn’t looked fit in a long time, and I can’t remember someone looking older than him playing for Australia in the modern era.

His last 4 tests have been terrible, with full tosses being his best deliveries.

Now he leaves, mid series, and very few Australians will be sad to see him go.

I will leave the Stuey retiring post for a more convenient hour than 5 in the AM.

For the final test you would assume that the Young and the Restless’ Beau Casson will play in the third test.

The selectors would probably not have picked Beau ahead of CWB’s Bryce McGain if they thought Stuey would do a runner.

Beau was sent over as a project player, but Australia is about to find out at what stage that project is at.

Stuey ending his run like he did is a good thing for Australian cricket, because with over 200 wickets to his name he was always going to get more chances than the average player, and therefore could have spent the next few tests missing the pitch before they dropped him.

This gives Beau a chance to play a test before he gets to India, and Bryce a chance to start hitting the indoor nets.

Here at Cricket with Balls we pride ourselves on our Journalism and we have contacted Bryce McGain to hear his response.

He was unreachable, perhaps due to the hour, or perhaps due to the fact he was bowling sliders in his backyard wearing Homer Simpson Pyjamas.

But here is what I think he will say,

“Stuey has been a great bowler for Australia and he will be missed. I am not sure if I am next in line, that’s up to the selectors. I feel ready for test cricket, and I know I have a good few years in me. Cricket with balls rocks.”

Cricket With Balls, we are in the trenches.

Tagged , ,

MacGill Monty Miriam Threesome

OK person who googled the title of this post four times to get to the site instead of KEEPING YOUR SICK FANTASIES TO YOURSELF, you win. Here is your post.
The answer to your googlequery is: that is one heck of a wierd threesome and I do NOT want in. In fact, I now need some, or possibly all, of the following to scrub from my brain the vision that you have implanted:
  • Soap
  • Lysol
  • Brillo pad
  • A refiner’s fire
  • 100 Hail Mary’s
  • Night out drinking Chumbawamba cocktails on an empty stomach
  • Concussion from Brett Lee or James Anderson
  • That flashy blinky thing from “Men In Black”
  • Lobotomy

If, however, IF I happened to be into the kind of thing that you, googler, are clearly into (and I’m saying nothing), and if you happened to google any of the following, the answer would be ohgodyesplease:

  • Vettori Oram Miriam Threesome (needs absolutely no explanation)
  • Dhoni Gony Miriam Threesome (oh the pretty ones)
  • Dirty Dirk Eyelids Miriam Threesome (I have a thing for the Vics in England, so sue me)
  • Ryder Chawla Miriam Threesome (I can’t begin to explain this even if I tried, and I probably shouldn’t).

Other wacky google searches from today:

why are some men so vain (because they are trying to compensate for something)

england v new zealand chasing inflatable jelly bean (oh, alright, it’s here)

and all of the following:

  1. cricketer’s sisters supermodels
  2. cricketer’s supermodel wives
  3. south african cricketer sister supermodel
  4. supermodel sister of famous cricketer
  5. supermodel wives to famous cricketers
  6. which cricketer has supermodel sister
  7. which cricketer sister and wife are supermodels?

(as you want to know so badly, your persistence is rewarded: you are probably looking for Cindy Nel, but (a) she’s no longer Jacques Kallis’ girlfriend, and (b) I’m not actually sure that she is Andre Nel’s sister. The other possibility I can think of is Neil McKenzie, whose sister Megan is a model. Honestly, I am way too good to you people).

Tagged , , , ,

Ol’ Stuey

The host of uncorked, Stuart MacGill, has decided to put aside his day job for a while on concentrate on his part time hobby cricket.

What should Australia expect from this ever widening wrist spinner with the aloof smirk who annunciates his words correctly.

He has a knee which can never be fixed.

Earlier this year he played hide and seek with administracrats to film his show.

He is returning from wrist surgery that usually middle aged virginal men have.

And possibly the most important thing about Stuey MacGill is he now happy.

So what can Australia expect of this newer old version of Stuey?

Well sooner rather than later he will celebrate a wicket like he has just gutted a pig, with a spork.

His next wicket will not be celebrated at all, and he will look down at ayone who does celebrate it.

At times he will bowl half trackers and full tosses, he will mix them up with the odd unplayable delivery.

He will bowl a lot of balls short and wide of off stump, some of which will have pitched on the stumps.

When he bats he will miss the ball a lot, back away, scoop the ball, smile at his crapness with the stick and go out.

He will run as fast as he can after balls, while being overtaken by Roy jogging.

Balls that your mother could stop will go through him from time to time.

When he does stop a hard ball, he will have that look that every middle aged dude who does something good on a reality show has.

He will look angry a lot.

He will look mildly amused a lot.

In general, being 37, fatter and more injured than before really won’t change Stuart MacGill on the field.

As he has played like an old unfit dude his whole career.


Unkie J talks leggies

A small boy entered the Pizza shop today and said

“Hey Unkie J, I want to be a leg spinner just like you”.

And I said

“Well I am hybrid Bubby/club legspinner”.

The little boy ran out confused.

That left me worried about the state of education in our schools.

Are kiddies not taught about the variants of leg spinning.

Maybe some on my blog are confused also.

Leg Spinning types and brief descriptions, by Unkie J.

The Aussie ripper leg spinner

Practised by Peter McIntyre, Sutart MacGill, and Shane Warne.

The main art of this leg spinner is the actual side spin imparted on the ball, which is done with a slightly rounder arm action and wrists made of steel. The objective is to spin the ball sideways on glass whilst maintaining a fairly consistent length and line. In a lesser hands it can go horribly wrong, in the hands of a master, can be combined with subtler straighter balls and gentle over spin to keep the batsman guessing. Mostly a leg stump line, can be less effective against a cack hander.

Signature move, the ball the spins past the outside edge.

The Bubbly Pakistani leg spinner

Practised by Mushtaq Ahmed and Abdul Qadir.

This is legspin with a touch of aerobics. It requires lots of hopping, arm whipping and an offstump line. This is the one form of leg spin that best encapsulates everything there is about legspinning, as all delivery’s are available from a straighter arm action whilst still spinning the ball. The objective is to trick the batsmen with a variant of balls so devishly devised that he regulary plays for a ball that spins one way whilst it spins the other way. Because the ball spins both ways it is effective against all batsmen, but the offstump line means a good length is every important.

Signature move, the wrong’un that cuts the batsman in two halves.

The Absurdist straight breaker

Practised By Tiger Bill O’Reilly, Anil Kumble, Shahid Afridi, Chris Harris, Cameron White and Piyush Chawla.

This is leg spin without the legspin. It is deception of the highest order. It is also almost impossible to make a living on. You must have the ability to sell the spin, whilst delivering the straight one. You can bowl any delivery you want with this style, but it doesn’t really matter, because you won’t be spinning the ball anyway, but if you are good at it, you will be aggressively accurate and steady like a train. The objective is to penetrate the mind of the batsmen through repetition and absurdity.

Signature move, the straight one.

The club leg spinner

Practised by Richie Benaud, Bryce McGain, & every West Indian Legspinner ever.

Not a huge spinner of the ball, has variation but mostly works on the fact that if they can land every leg spinner in the same place for a day wickets will come. The arm action is usually somewhere between straight arm and round arm, and this particular style comes in many wonderfully different actions. The objective is to beat you with subtle flight, spin and speed changes.

Signature move, the batsman losing patience and swinging across the line, but hitting it straight up in the air.

The Paul Adams leg spinner

Practised by Paul Adams, and me in the backyard, until I hurt my back.

Was once described as a frog in a blender. I like to think of it as a midget, wearing a bunny suit, trying to fling its head at you with a shoulder jerk so savage that it could kill the average ostrich. The objective seems to be not to fling your head at the batsman, but to make him think you are while you get him with your badly disguised wrong one.

Signature move, unknown.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

a long beau

Ok so let me get this straight.

Shaun tait gets a contract because he has depression.

Ben Hilfenhaus gets a contract because he was good last year.

Doug Bollinger gets a contract because he is from NSWales.

But Petter Sizzle (Siddle) does not because he is Victorian.

Actually that all makes sense.

Now on to the Spinners.

Last year there were 4.

Stuart MacGill who at that stage was slightly fitter and not so much a TV presenter.

Brad Hogg who at that stage was still being called a spinner.

Dan Cullen who at that stage was getting fewer wickets than Brad Hogg.

And Cullen Bailey, who is the second highest paid club cricketer in Australian history behind another leg spinner Adbul Qadir.

This year we have Stuart MacGill, a little older, a little rounder, and a little less interested.

Beau fu©king Casson the man who has played 4 good games in 4 seasons, but moved to the right city.


Oh that’s it.

Australia is only going to use these two this year.

That’s it.

An untried wrist spinner who couldn’t buy a wicket for years, and a 37 year old wine connoisseur with a bung knee.

No place for Bryce McGain, lets check why, oh that is right, he’s Victorian.

The only thing that remains consistent for selectors is that NSWelsh players get picked all the time, and Victorians get the high hard one.

Tagged , , ,

the tongue is gone

Like in Ichi the Killer or Oldboy, the tongue has been cut off, by its owner.

This time however it has nothing to do with honour or having slept with ones daughter.

Or has it….

Brad Hogg has sited personal issues and “things he has to sort out at home” as his reasons for falling on his tongue.

Apparently his wife is pregnant. (Insert Michael Slater Joke Here)

There are also rumours of him signing with the ICL.

I’m assuming as a mascot.

Brad Hogg was upset at having to leave the game, but in leaving he has strengthened Australia’s test bowling line up.

With Stuey obviously finished, and Brad leaving, they both need new careers, and being the caring fellow I am, I think I have them covered.

They should move into a flat on the gold coast and film a soft core porn mobile TV show called Spinners gone wild. Stuey can perform tricks with a bottle of red, and Brad does all sorts of tricks with his tongue.

Perhaps I should write about the career of Brad Hogg.

He was selected as part of the experimental Chinaman scheme that was started by Harold Holt. Michael Bevan and Simon the Krab Katich were also picked under this scheme.

He was thrown into a tour of India because no one else wanted to be embarrassed, and then was picked again when Shane Warne was a drug cheat.

Having a career as an understudy (behind Shane) to the understudy (behind Stuey) would have bothered most men, but Brad Hogg never seemed to notice.

He was just happy to be thought of as a cricketer (by selectors).

As a one day cricketer he was serviceable, and occasionally better than that, he had the amazing skill to look like he was balling badly and still take wickets.

As a test cricketer he was a train wreck.

You have to respect him for getting the most out of so little, I don’t, but you should. I would say that there has never been a spinner with less guile who has had a career this long, so that is something.

George Bradley Hogg (no relation to the great Victorian speedster Rodney Hogg) you have had a career, good on ya.

But thank fu©k your gone.

Tagged , , ,