Tag Archives: sourav ganguly

The IPL is back in India, splash water on your face, do a push up, read the paper

Buy the book, get a t-shirt, or donate to the whisky fund.

Like Ganguly doesn’t have an employee to wash his face.

The stunt double pretending to be Warne is doing a great job.

Has anyone ever read the paper with more intensity.

The IPL is back in India.

The IPL is back, so are the weird ass ads.

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How much would you pay for the Kolkata Knight Riders?

The correct answer to that is much less than Rahul Dravid makes.

That is not the answer Shah Ruh Khan wants to hear though.

He is reportedly trying to sell off his share in his blingy failure.

Ditch and run, son.

Can’t blame him, while the business side of Kolkata Knight Riders seems to be working ok (although their merchandise section on the blog is not working, I want a KKR head band god damnit), his nack for running a sporting team seems to be on par with George W Bush.

Kolkata have more coaches than players, they have a head coach, and a header coach.

They spent 600 grand on a bloke they don’t play.

Murali Kartik couldn’t get a game until they were finished.

Dropping Sourav as captain made sense on last years form, but it seems to have sapped the life out of the franchise.

And Prince Brendon doesn’t have the ego to take over a team with the Giant Alien Lizard in it.

Throw in the fact that SRK was starting to resemble a dildo, and you can’t blame him for leaving.

I am prepared to make an offer for the franchise, SRK, I will give you one used spoon for the team.

It may be your best offer.

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Sucking the Lord’s dick IPL Style

For the latest developments in the Fake IPL Player Saga click here.

There is a new blog out there called Fake ILP player.

And it is written by a kolkata knight rider in South Africa.

It is pretty funny at times.

“Then Mr Kaan Moolo, the former India fast bowler who built his career sucking the lord’s dick told us that there’s been a change in plan.”

“Apparently, Vinnie Dildo (our owner) is here”

“During our meeting when our jackass coach was telling our fast bowlers on how to bowl at the Pedophile Priest, he had said that we will play on a new wicket and hence the ball will have carry etc”.

“A little birdie just told me that the Sheikh of Tweak tried to get over yesterday’s defeat by diving into 3 pairs of mammary land. As per reports, the 3 angels surrounded him after the opening ceremony and the 4 left together for the Sheikh’s hotel.”

“Lord Almighty just walked past me. He nodded at me and acknowledged my presence, for the first time I think. That’s a start. He has been kind of insecure since yesterday when he was stripped of his captaincy.”

Warne, Ganguly, Buchanan, oral sex and sex toy jokes.

My kind of blog really.

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The Ultimate IPL Guide: Kolkata Knight Riders

Vacuous Sex Symbol

Porn Star: Brendan McCullum

Prince Brendan might be the reason that the IPL was successful. His first innings set the bastard alight. Cameras like him too.

Pole Dancer: David Hussey

88 off 44 against South Africa is a pretty good warm up. Still one of the premier batsmen in world 2020, but needs to step up for Kolkatta.

Boy Next Door: Ishant Sharma

The Giant Adams Apple from India hasn’t quite lived up to his hype yet, but will love to bowl on the quick wickets in South Africa.

Model: Sourav Ganguly

Struggled for runs last tournament, isn’t captain, and might prove to be a distraction to his team. Usually doesn’t like to be anybody other than the main man.

Home made/Amateur: Mashrafe Mortaza

The Bangladeshi bagman can slap the bowl and hurl it down fast.

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Congratulations John

I’d like to be on the record and say that John Buchanan’s new multiple captains theory seems a little stupid.

It’s unfair to bag a system before it has been used.

Any system where Brad Hodge is involved and involves rotation seems doomed to fail in my mind.

Perhaps it can be used if a team has no obvious captaincy material, or if you have been mainlining tequila, but otherwise using one captain is the best option.

But for the Kolkata Knightriders I back the deicision.

Not because I think it will work, but because it pisses of The Giant Alien Lizard Ganguly who loses his special little title, and because it is being reported that people are burning John Buchanan effigies.

Everybody wins.

As the enemy of my enemy has been screwed by the original enemy, I think all enemies involved.



On a side note: My question to the effigy burners is, do you have them just lying around, is there a shop, are they cheaper on ebay?

I am very interested.

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Who do you believe?

Sachin Tendulkar believes the current Indian batting line up is the best he has ever been in.

Sourav Ganguly thinks this is not the best one day side ever.

Rediff are writing this up as a disagreement.

This is fine, but aren’t they arguing two different points.

Sachin is saying this is the best batting line up he has played in.

Sourav is saying this is not the best side ever.

How is this an argument?

It’s probably not, but for fun, let’s take Sachin’s side anyway.

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Giant Alien Lizard says “I aint no goat”, Jrod sticks by his claims of being an ‘erect badger’

Ganguly has come out and said that all those nasty comments attributed to him from the Bengali daily tribune are false.

His fans rejoice in the street as their main man is still a saint.

His detractors say, yeah right you knob jockey.

And do you know what, that is fine.

Opinions are like nasty fetishes, everyone has one.

There are so many reasons not to like Ganguly

Smugness

His manner

The blue blood

His over rated nature

His average record

His playing of the short ball

And so many reasons to like him (true story)

That wispy moustache

Doing a strip tease at lords

His Underrated bowling

Those square drives

That he is one of three men not to pick a Warne wrong un

So do what you want.

I don’t care.

Build a blow up doll, resplendent with wispy moustache and make sweet sweet love to it.

Or

Make an effigy with a shirtless torso and pale blue pants out of flammable materials and light it up when you feel the need.

It doesn’t matter.

We can’t all love everyone, and some times its more fun to hate someone, than be indifferent to them, which is why I would much prefer ten more Ganguly clones, than one more Shaun Pollock.

If you dislike a cricketer, really let the passion come through and make it full blown hatred, because if there is anything this website hates it’s people are in the middle.

Play a forward defensive or slog for the hills, none of this prodding business.

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Giant Alien Lizard is a Classy Sacrificial Goat

I have been accused of unexplainable hatred, and being an absolute nitwit, spastic when talking about Sourav Ganguly, so it’s only fair to listen to what he has to say.

“If there is a gun to your head all the time, how long can you bear this? After all, I have played 400 matches for India. I have played badly in only one series. Yet every Tom, Dick and Harry is playing in the team.”

Yes he really said that.

He also said

“There are players who haven’t scored in the last three series for India, even for the last one year. There are some who have changed their hairstyle more than they have scored for India.”

And

“I was tired of being humiliated again and again.”

One more

“I am bound to feel bad, I had to fight with my heart”.

Actually that one might be a Shakira lyric.

What class, what style, what love for his team mates, oh the intangibles of Dada.

But I have questions.

Who is Dick: Dravid or VVS?

Which one of the 14 series in which he has averaged under 30 is the bad one, or was he talking about one of the two from this year?

And the hairstyles, oh the hairstyles, Surely he can’t mean Dravid, Sachin or VVS, have any of them ever changed their hairstyles more than 3 times in their careers?

Sehwag did change his hair for this series, he’s gone all skin head, but I’m pretty sure Ganguly didn’t mean him.

What sort of man, who has played with these men for ten years comes out and bag champions of the game, his team mates, his former men, mid series, mid match.

Where is the love Ganguly?

And mentioning their hairstyles was a nice touch, it makes me want to walk into a barber shop and ask for the ‘Sourav’.

It takes a special man to refer to himself as a sacrificial goat.

I like to think of myself as an erect badger, that is my intangible.

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The young gun or the reptilian from pluto?

It had to happen, India’s middle order was starting to look like death’s waiting room.

Sachin is holding his spot until his son is old enough to take it.

The wall hasn’t been brought down as due to administracratic bumbling no one has been assigned the contract.

And VVS is actually in some semblance of form.

So Sourav Ganguly has been tapped.

According to some there is a voluntary retirement scheme.

The Giant Alien Lizard denied this.

He probably wasn’t going to get a test, but now he is assured 4.

You can’t not play someone if they announce a retirement series.

Its like a rule or something.

Ask Justin Langer.

Ofcourse in 9 tests this year Ganguly is averaging 28.

So would Badrinath be of more use to India than Ganguly?

In 20 tests against Australia, Ganguly has made one test century, and averages 30.

Badrinath looks impressive, he is 28, and has never got a regular place in the national side, and just as he was on the edge of his test debut, Ganguly retires.

He averages 55 @ first class level, and certainly looked a legit batsman in the IPL.

I suppose the question is, who will better serve the cause of beating Australia.

This reminds me of the Graham Thorpe and KP decision in the 2005 ashes.

England made the gutsy decision, who knew, and look what happened.

What is more important to India, winning the series, or Ganguly getting a 4 test goodbye.

We will see…

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Goodbye you giant alien lizard freak

Sourav Ganuly has fucked off.

He is going to give it the goodbye tour and then we never have to watch him look nervous around short balls again.

His kind has been sapping the lifeblood out of our kind since jesus was a gleam in mose’s eye.

I know I should write some long and vitriolic piece about how Ganguly is an over rated chunk of racoon sperm.

But, who cares.

The Lizard is going.

So some Indians will be happy.

Some will be sad.

And the rest of us really won’t give a shit.

That is a legacy.

Goodbye you Reptilian Martian, enjoy your stupidly named IPL team, and let the men play the real stuff.

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