Tag Archives: shane warne

Foxsport digs up the dead

All the current Australian players are complete shit. None of them are worth a turd in hell.  They might as well be dropped, castrated, and made to dance for coins.

True.

Luckily foxsports is on the case.

Like this time last year, the only way to fix the Australian team is by picking ex players who are performing in the IPL.

Last year it was Shane Warne and Adam Gilchrist, this year Matthew Hayden has been added to the list.

It seems that if the Australian team fails, the only way forward is back.

Look at all the runs Gilly is making, never mind his keeping.

Haydos is smashing the ball everywhere, forget his form in 2008.

And Shane Warne is still killing everyone, who cares that he doesn’t really want to come back.

Articles about how great these guys are doing in a semi domestic league are counter productive and tinged with bullshit.

Yes Hayden is making runs, but he has the weight of failing for Australia taken off his shoulders, he is facing 3rd and 4th string Indian bowlers in most of the attacks and it’s an Entertainment league

It has a scheduled ad break for fucks sake.

I am glad the old Australians are doing well, like I was that Ian Harvey was the player of the tournament in the ICL, and that Michael DiVenuto continues to kill in County cricket.

Not sure I want any of them to come back though.

This was the same tournament that Shane Watson dominated so much last year it could have been renamed in his honour.

Hayden, Gilchrist and Warne have all been warriors for Australia, but lets not compare the new breed to them, lets just let them play.

Let the dead be the dead.

We will remember them, no need to reanimate them.

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Ashes fact 79

The Nazis believed that winning the ashes unlocked the keys to many supernatural secrets.

Their plan was to devise a cricketer, so talanted, and so likeable, that would win the Ashes regulary then allow them access to these secrets.

Ofcourse the Nazi’s were defeated in the 40s, but their scientists went to America with the help of the CIA and continued to invent new wondrous technologies.

In the late  early 90s several Nazi Scientists were still working in America…

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Sucking the Lord’s dick IPL Style

For the latest developments in the Fake IPL Player Saga click here.

There is a new blog out there called Fake ILP player.

And it is written by a kolkata knight rider in South Africa.

It is pretty funny at times.

“Then Mr Kaan Moolo, the former India fast bowler who built his career sucking the lord’s dick told us that there’s been a change in plan.”

“Apparently, Vinnie Dildo (our owner) is here”

“During our meeting when our jackass coach was telling our fast bowlers on how to bowl at the Pedophile Priest, he had said that we will play on a new wicket and hence the ball will have carry etc”.

“A little birdie just told me that the Sheikh of Tweak tried to get over yesterday’s defeat by diving into 3 pairs of mammary land. As per reports, the 3 angels surrounded him after the opening ceremony and the 4 left together for the Sheikh’s hotel.”

“Lord Almighty just walked past me. He nodded at me and acknowledged my presence, for the first time I think. That’s a start. He has been kind of insecure since yesterday when he was stripped of his captaincy.”

Warne, Ganguly, Buchanan, oral sex and sex toy jokes.

My kind of blog really.

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Old Dogs

Prince Brendon may have started last years IPL with a full frontal assualt on the crowd, but this year the old dudes and an untouchable dog started us off.

Sachin chipped away a 50 odd.

Hayden followed that up by top scoring for the sooper dooper kings.

Next game the old guys really came out.

Rahul (still not a 2020 player, but still classy when his team is falling apart) top scored and pretty much kept Bangalore from collapse.

Warne was probing like a motherfucker too, some of his balls wouldn’t have looked out of place in his best of.

Anil didn’t like being overshadowed and popped in with 5 wickets as the tail fell apart.

The cricket was scrappy, there was always something in it for the bowlers, a great collapse by last year’s champsions and a leg spin master class.

It was a proper cricket day, with 10 minute ad breaks.

Jesse looks hot in red as well.

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The Ultimate IPL Guide: Rajasthan Royals

The hot plumber

Porn star: Shane Warne

The IPL turned into the Dhoni and Warne show last year, Warne would prefer it was just about him.

Pole Dancer: Shane Watson

Will be busy in Pakistan, but was the best player in last year’s tournament, much as it pains me to say. Is coming back from a record-breaking 368th cricket injury.

Boy Next Door: Yusuf Pathan

India’s Chris Gayle wannabe. Was a major force last time, and now has a bit of international experience. No body in world cricket hits the ball harder.

Model: None

Say what you want about Rajasthan, but every player in this squad is paid what they deserve, can give them something and there are no passengers.

Home made/Amateur: Take your pick

Kamran Khan was bowling with a tennis ball up until recently, is now the most hyped up young player in the IPL.
Tyrone Henderson is South Africa’s Afridi and often rocks up with 70s porn hair.
Dinesh Salunkhe was the runner up on a cricket reality show.
Lee Carseldine was a washed up 30 something Queenslander last year.

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The IPL Ad Break- Brought to you buy Pepsi, DLF, and Lalit Modi’s smile.

Frankly I am shocked.

I thought the IPL was a principled cricket league that believed in more than just the money.

Ok no one will say that.

The powers that Bcci, are just not content with merely adding advertising to the commentary, they have decided to add a 7.5 minute ad break to each innings.

L Ron (Big Al Stanford) must be pissed he never thought of his.

The over rates in last years IPL were dreadful, a supposed 3 hour game pushed to 4 repeatedly, can’t see how adding an ad’s break will speed that up.

Probably wont be good for the hamstrings on the older players either, 7 and a half minutes standing around in that brisk autumn air, and then diving for a ball at mid wicket.

But if the do tear a hamstring, the IPL can then superimpose an ad for deep heat onto the hamstring during the replays.

Hopefully the time will be used wisely, 5 minutes of advertising followed by a public service announcement about the health problems cricketers can face when they share boxes.

There are still several advertising options the IPL hasn’t thought of.

The best would would be giving players a name sponsor.

SMS datechat Shane Warne sends one down.

DC Comics Gatuam Gambhir is looking super today.

That is a huge one from Viagra’s Chris Gayle.

What a rip snorter from Columbia’s Shoaib Ahktar.

A divine shot from Catholic Church Matthew Hayden.

See, Lalit, you can do way more.

You can even put sticky take on the players faces, although some players do that for free.

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Ashes fact 84

Doug Ring invented a time machine.

And even though he was the second best leg spinner of all time, he decided to bowl in the same team as the best, Tiger Bill O’ Reilly, as a homage to leg spin.

Few people understood this, and they demanded that Doug use the time travel to go to the 70s or 80s where he would be better appreciated.

But Doug was a man of principle, and to him bowling behind Tiger Bill gave him a status far greater than Shane Warne’s.

He blew up the time machine, and never regretted it.

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Kamran

When Darren Berry chooses a bowler from obscurity, you would assume it would be a Victorian.

But with the global cricket community in orgy mode over the SAPL (IPL), chubby former state keepers can now see cricketers the world over.

And thusly Darren Berry saw an 18 year old with less experience than Shoaib Malik has sexually, and decided Rajhastan should sign him.

Berry has kept to a few bowlers over the years, Merv, Paul Reifell, Shane Warne, Damien Fleming, Craig Howard, Tony Dodemaide, Mick Lewis, Shane Harwood, Simon O’Donnell and David Saker.

So he knows class.

The young player he picked was Kamran Khan.

Before the tournament has started Warne talked Khan up as well.

But no one had really seen him bowl.

Now, thanks to Homer, we have.



Sure its only one ball.

But its not a bad one.

Will be interesting to see how the boy goes in this tournament.

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No mention of gay puppies

I popped in to see STUmp Cam, and saw a clip on cricket from one of my favourite shows.

I think we all know that if you are making an ad (even a fake one) bagging the don, i should be the one doing it.


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Ashes fact 96

Everyone has seen ‘that ball’, the Mike Gatting delivery from Shane Warne.

Few know the real story.

This wasn’t the first ball Gatting had ever seen from Warne.

Gatting had seen plenty of Shane Warne’s balls before that.

They were lovers.

Torrid. Hot. Heavy. Feisty. Tubby. Lovers.

A lot of people say that was Warne’s first trip to England, that was not the case, he had played club cricket there years earlier, but struggled to make ends meet, and answered a personal ad from a successful English gentleman.

The ad was placed by the cashed up Mike Gatting, who was still rich from his last trip to South Africa, but lonely at not being the captain of England at the time.

Their affair was turgid , and although they pleasured each other relentlessly, there was an animosity when Shane Warne left Gatting alone in his North London love pad.

When they were reunited, that day at Old Trafford, this was more than a cricket match, this was two lovers finally meeting after an emotional break up a few years before.

The pain, the loss, the love, the lust, it was all there, and Warne, the rent boy, was keen to show up Gatting, the sugar daddy.

Show him up he did, Gatting never saw that ball, and some would say it was a metaphor for their tragically ended relationship.



Remember to support the balls in the Ashes charity match spectacular.

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