Tag Archives: ryan harris

Ryan Harris writes history in synovial fluid, tears, bone, tendon and blood

There is something floating in Ryan Harris‘ knee. The medical community thinks it is bone. It’s probably magic. Or a little pebble of awesomeness. Nothing else explains his last over.

In the overs before, Harris could barely bend over when fielding at gully. His hands were at the top of his thigh, not down near his knee in the customary position. When he walked, you were watching someone with osteoarthritis move, or someone who had done a whole day of rodeo. And when he stood up at the end of each ball you could hear the creaking all around the ground. Even his hip flexor had given out, possibly from the flexing he was doing more and more just to get by. Crocked. Stuffed. Finished. Another over was surely beyond him. Another Test might have been as well.

His job was to stay out on the ground to celebrate the potential Australian win. The win that they couldn’t get. Vernon Philander’s hand and Dale Steyn’s bloody-mindedness were drawing the Test. Here were two forces.

One, the South Africans, they just refuse to lose a Test series. They’re better when the primal need for survival has been put on them by their own shoddiness. This time, they had extra motivation with their captain, hero and leader on his last mission. They couldn’t have done more to draw this game if they decided to dig actual trenches at the Kelvin Grove end. Against them was a very movable force. The fluid in Harris’ knee was moving the bone quite often.

Australia thought they’d get eight or ten overs out of him in the entire second innings. The wicket of AB deVilliers was in his fifteenth. You should never call this dismissal anything as dismal as a wicket. It was a triumph of man over superman. De Villiers is currently batting like the laws of physics don’t apply to him. It is as if he has learnt to see into the future and decides on his shot as the bowler is coming in. Getting him out in this form, with his assistance is virtually impossible. Getting him out without his assistance from a busted down old man who should be on crutches should be impossible. The only thing impossible was the Harris outswinger.

Ryan Harris winces in the face of impossible.

Today he winced from leg slip, slip, gully, short cover, or anywhere else you put the guy who stopped being able to move. But he kept coming back, more broken than before.

Tasmania had tried to break Queensland during the last Sheffield Shield final. They had prepared a pitch made of actual deserts. They batted in a coma. And then when Queendlsand tried to move the game on, they picked up enough wickets to lead by almost 200 runs after the first innings. In the first innings, Queensland had bowled 173.4 overs. Harris had bowled forty of those and taken three wickets.

But in the second innings, he just kept going in his opening spell. It seemed endless. Harris, and everyone watching or playing, knew that the only chance of a Queensland victory was with him. Tasmania collapsed under his pressure to 5 for 16. Harris bowled what felt like all the overs, he smashed the ball into this lifeless pitch, he demanded that the ball move for him, and he put his entire career in jeopardy by bowling 54 overs for his adopted state in a losing cause.

It seems that Harris just cannot quit. So why would he listen to his surgeon, his doctor, his physio, or anyone, when they said he couldn’t bowl again. He hadn’t ever listened to his body. Fast bowlers don’t start international careers over 30 in already broken down bodies and take over a hundred wickets. But Harris wouldn’t listen to modern medicine, he wouldn’t listen to science, he wouldn’t even listen to cricket stats.

His second last over of the day looked like his last, well his last of any note. He bowled a short quick one that scared Steyn. It was quicker than his over the previous night where he bowled an over of Shane Watson-paced slower balls.

But he didn’t look right. Instead of bashing through the crease like a Joe Frazier combination, steaming coming from his nose, his chest daring anyone to hit him, his legs were all over the place, and his fearsome torso looked attached to the wrong set of legs. His knee wasn’t working, his hip was flexing poorly, and he was trying to play through it all and conquer a pitch that gave nothing.

On the second last ball, he slipped as he delivered. It looked, for the shortest of moments, like the injury that could end him today, tomorrow and forever. But he just went back to his mark and somehow got through the over. He was now noticeably limping. His action and run up was falling apart. He had surely bowled his last over, or at least, his last of anything approaching pace.

Nathan Lyon was tried, but had little luck. Watson came back on to wobble them about a bit. And had he wobbled them slightly better, or at least had Steyn playing at them, Harris might not have come back when he did.

When he came on, you couldn’t shake the feeling that Ryan Harris shouldn’t be bowling. Ryan Harris shouldn’t be walking. Ryan Harris shouldn’t be bowling Australia to victory. Ryan Harris shouldn’t be running around the outfield having just taken the two final wickets in three balls. Ryan Harris should be with a surgeon, showing him how when he twists his knee, the bone clicks out of the bad bit and he can walk properly again.

Where did he find the swing or strength?

In the years to come it will read 24.3 overs, 15 maidens, 32 runs and four wickets. But unless it was written in synovial fluid, tears, bone, tendon and blood, no one will ever understand how good Ryan Harris was today. Whatever is in that knee, I hope they remove it, and get Ryan Harris fit again. Then I hope they show the removed item in a museum and schoolkids are bussed in to see it for years to come.

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Dear Ryan Harris

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Australia fail in 20 over chase

New Zealand set Australia 106 to chase, but even though it was only marginally more than 5 runs an over Australia could not get over the line. Australia’s record in 20 over chases outside Australia continues to be quite shit.

Phil Hughes, who sees all innings as auditions for the IPL incase he gets bad press again, was at his attacking best. In two overs he inspired 23 runs off New Zealand’s most trusted bowlers. This included a smack over mid on for six from Vettori and his normal ugly effectiveness against the quicks. Hughes bludgeoned 86 off 75 balls.

At the other end, Katich protested the whole 20 over concept, his strike rate of 27 was a personal statement on what form of cricket he likes best. Katich was in his complete krab like mode and refused to even pretend to score runs. In the past this would have lead to a fantastic collapse from Australia, but Hughes youthful excitement made the 20 over chase a possibility at times.

While Australia did miss out on winning in 20 overs, they won the moral victory by winning the test. Doug Bollinger kissed his underwear after the match and Ryan Harris’ chest swelled so much that no one could fit in the change room.

New Zealand’s two cricketers, Prince Brendon and Dictator Dan, must be a little disappointed that their side made 564 in total, being that they made 42% of them (I think that is right) between the two of them. Vettori is thinking of changing the batting order for the next match with Tuffey to go in at 3 and for Ingram to bowl medium pace when the other bowlers are tired.

Only the carrot of the IPL can keep the smiles on the faces of the New Zealand middle order marvels.

This game might seem like just another test, but it could be the last time Australia ever enforces the follow on. Even though they won by 10 wickets with their dicks in the air, it must have made them nervous once the chase went over 100. Their nerves must be shot.

It should also be mentioned that Phil Hughes now averages 51.25 in test cricket. It doesn’t mean much, but it makes me smile a little.

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showman shahid the crazy uncle

Australia is showing again what a surprisingly good one-day outfit they are.

Ryan Harris has barged his way into world cricket, but to be fair, he looks like he would barge his way into a swimming pool. Clint McKay either gets wickets or goes for no runs, not the worst habit to get into. Cam White is obviously pretending he is captaining the side. And Nathan Hauritz is giving up bowling for batting.

The series was dead at game two, and today’s game meant nothing at all. Pakistan played like it.

Their collapse was not unique and not unexpected.

Lose early wickets, pseudo consolidate for a while and then collapse for good.

It was not interesting or fun.

Then Shahid came in.

His first two balls brought about two wild slogs. Nothing pretty, but both went for four through fortune.

Then he tried to end Little Nathan’s gene pool.

After that was an attack on Clint McKay that eventually had him caught wildly slogging across the line.

He only lasted 10 balls, he scored 29 runs.

It wasn’t a great innings; it wasn’t even a good innings.

It was an innings that could only be compared to a black man taking LSD, pouring bourbon on his head, singing fuck the police and running naked through a Klu Klux Klan meeting that was mid way through lynching a bunch of his friends.

It was, for all 3 overs of it, something to grab your attention in a very dull game.

Like I have said before, Afridi either gives his fans a lift or his haters something to bag him about.

Today he did both.

I love him, I really do. I never had a truly mental relative, and Shahid is the crazy uncle I always wanted.

Imagine him in the corner at a family party, setting alight the napkins while denouncing his brother, the local butcher, as a CIA operative.

Buy the book, get a t-shirt, or donate to the whisky fund.

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The IPL form report of the current Australian players

These were  the significant players. Tomorrow will be the insignificant players.

Brad Hodge – Kolkata
365 @ av 40 sr 117 hs 73
7 wickets @ 23 econ 8.05 bb 3/29

Started off terribly, but as the team fell apart he became their banker. Eventually showed why he had made so many runs in this format of the game, happy to be 30 off 30, and then explode at the end. Was used as a front line bowler at times, which he isn’t, but he did bowl some very good overs.

Brett Lee – Punjab
28 runs @ av 14 sr 82 hs 14*
5 wickets @ 22 econ 5.55 bb 3/15

Only played a handful of games, but looked more like the late 07/08 bowler, and less like the heart break kid of recent times. Always does his best work with the white ball, so not a huge surprise he was too good for most batsmen at this level. His batting looked rusty but he will just be happy to be out in the middle and thinking about cricket.

Andrew Symonds – Deccan
249 runs @ av 35 sr 150 hs 60*
7 wickets @ 22.85 econ 6.66 bb 2/18

Won the final with 2 wickets in one over, and his medium pace bowling was swinging a lot, and was hard for most people to hit. His batting always looked murderous, but couldn’t quite cash in as he would like. Would be happy with his form though.

Ryan Harris – Deccan
21 runs @ av 21 sr 116 hs 9*
6 wickets @ 38 econ 7.41 bb 3/27

Couldn’t buy a wicket, but no one found him easy to hit. His bounce made him an ideal bowler. Was bagged in the South African press for not being up to it and then played as one of the imports in the final winning side.

David Warner – Delhi
163 runs @ av 28 sr 123 hs 50
Outshone Sehwag and Gambhir at the top of the order, but never really broke free. His fielding was probably his highlight, some of his efforts were amazing.

Dirk Nannes – Delhi
15 wickets @ 24 econ 7.51 bb 3/27

Started off with an average performance or two and the commentators and press questioned why he was in the side. 5 games in and he was being pronounced as rare diamond. Probably didn’t take as many wickets as he would have wanted, but was unplayable when he got it right.  Definitely the best performed of this bunch, and even with Gilly’s punishment in the semi, has come away with a lew legion of fans.

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I wanted to refresh everyone’s mind on what our favourite non biased cricket players agent Arthur said this the other day,

“The fact that coaches like Greg Shipperd, Darren Lehmann and Darren Berry who are unknown outside of Australia have managed to secure rich IPL contracts proves that Australia as a cricketing nation is totally over rated.”

Arthur Turner

I couldn’t help pointing out the IPL ladder.

Team Mat Won Lost Tied N/R Pts Net RR For Against
Delhi Daredevils 11 8 3 0 0 16 +0.275 1528/197.5 1517/203.4
Chennai 12 7 4 0 1 15 +1.021 1782/215.3 1574/217.1
Deccan Chargers 12 7 5 0 0 14 +0.294 1820/232.4 1793/238.1
Rajasthan Royals 12 6 5 0 1 13 -0.329 1451/213.1 1558/218.2
Bangalore 12 6 6 0 0 12 -0.309 1689/237.0 1735/233.2
Kings XI Punjab 12 6 6 0 0 12 -0.470 1561/211.2 1638/208.3
Mumbai Indians 13 5 7 0 1 11 +0.401 1732/236.2 1636/236.1
Kolkata 12 1 10 0 1 3 -0.973 1466/209.2 1578/197.5

So the two Australian coaches who deserve to be there according to Arthur are hosting the teams at 6 and 8.

The two South African coaches are at 5 and 7.

And the three coaches ol’ Arthur bags are at 1,3 &4.


Who is making the IPL worse?

He also bagged Victoria’s Rob Quiney, who made 50 off 30 in his next game to pick up a man of the match award, and NSWale’s (actually he is Queensland’s, and was South Australia’s, but Arthur got confused) Ryan Harris whom he also thought was crap ended up with 2/20 in his game tonight.

Happens to the best of us Arthur.

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The Sheffield Shield, brought to you by a soggy breakfast: QLD

QLD, the New Texas Bulls

Players that won’t be available for large parts of the season.

Hayden, Roy?, Watson and Hopes.

Losing Watson and Hopes in the one season would cripple most state teams, but the one thing Queensland has is all rounders.

The two bets performed all rounders in state cricket last year were Ryan Harris and Ashley Noffke, they are now team mates, and Noffke has a point to prove.

Last year they were plainly spoken complete fucken rubbish. Actually they were way worse than that.

They were old, stale, and pathetic.

This year the have shed Maher and Kasprowicz, for some unknown reason kept Bichel, and Johnson has gone to be with his girlfriend.


Chris Simpson is the new captain, and I don’t know a lot about him, it always seems risky when a team makes a fringe player a captain, but if he is the only choice, he is the only choice.

He said some strong words in the media about hard work and so forth, but so did Nathan Adcock last year, and where is he now, exactly.


Ashley Noffke was the best bowler outside of test cricket last year. Ryan Harris was the hardest working man in show bizness last year,

But once these two are finished what does Queensland have. They have no spinners, Andy Bichel and lots of untried bowlers, Noffke and Harris would have to take a lot of wickets, and if one gets the call up, Queensland are in trouble.





And all rounders.

I have never seen a state line up look so bare.

Noffke and Harris may end up with all the wickets and all the runs.

Long in the tooth

Andy Bichel is technically already dead and no one has told him and Martin Love is pensioner, if both of these guys play out the whole year I’d be surprised.

Ready to shed the nappies

Ummmm, shit, lets say Alistair McDermott who makes other red heads look subtle.




One dayers



Second Last.

The rub

They seem old and ordinary, and the probably are, remember when they were good.

The Robert DeNiro mob

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Australia A – the verdict

The “A” side is off to India, and with Australia looking as fragile as they have in a long time, this could be an “A” team that ends up in the test arena.

What I think the team will be.

Katich (NSW) captain & opening bat, Peter Roebuck would be happy. I would have preferred to see Marcus North get the job. But one decided to stay in Western Australia, the other decided to move to NSWales. The Krab is a test player, for any other country, even if I hate him.

Phillip Hughes (NSW), opening bat. Is only a foetus, but can play, Made a few runs this year, and being that opening batsman in Australia are hard to come by probably not a bad choice.

Adam Voges (WA), 3. Been around for a while now, seems to have missed out as the Australian team’s back up one day batsman to Future PM. Can bat, but would doubt he will ever play for Australia.

Marcus North (WA), 4. When he makes runs, he makes them by the truck load. Has a great cricket brain, but has been an ‘A” guy for a while now without ever really looking like playing for Australia.

George Bailey (Tas), 5. Has been picked on potential, and the season before this. Is the batsman all teams try and get through in Tasmania,

Luke Ronchi (WA) keeper & 6. Anyone who saw him in the Windies knows this kid has a little sumtin sumtin.

Ashley Noffke (QLD) opening bowler & 7. This may be his audition for the same spot a month later when the big boys tour.

Beau Casson (NSW) chinaman & 8/9. Him Vs Bryce for the first test.

Ryan Harris (QLD via SA) first change & 8/9. Nickname is rhino, and does play like that. Strong as a mofo on ice, and can bowl all day full, quick and pretty damn well. Also a more than handy number 9, could easily be a number 7 in a weaker batting line up.

Bryce McGain (VIC) leggie & tail. If he out bowls Casson he gets a baggy green.

Doug Bollinger (NSW) left arm opener & tail. Could be the face of Australian bowling for the next ten years, Doesn’t look like much, but picks up wickets waiting for a taxi.

Peter Siddle (VIC) back up quick & tail. If he could stay fit for a whole season we could tell if he is the real deal or a lucky boy. But every time he plays he gets wickets, hard to argue with that.

Peter Forrest (NSW) back up batsman. No idea why he is here, oh wait NSWales. Saw him face Dirty Dirk one day sucking his thumb and asking for mummy.

Jason Krezja (TAS) back up offie & 7/8. Has a modest record but a confident lad who can bat a bit, would be lucky to play ahead of anyone here, but if he gets a game and gets wickets he could maybe leap frog McGain or Casson, but I doubt it.

Overall a pretty good squad.

Can bat till 9, or till 10 if Krejza plays ahead of McGain.

Bowling looks a lot better than the batting, especially with Noffke at 7 giving you an extra bowler.

Like most Australian A sides there is at least 7 players who would get a game for most test nations right now.

If the top order can make runs, could be a good series for the lads.

Players who would be a little miffed at missing out.

Chris Rogers as opener, he played a test match this year, right?

Luke Pomersbach, just because you look, smell, and drink like a lumberjack doesn’t mean you don’t deserve an “A” spot if you have made as many runs as he has.

Dan Cullen, without looking I’d say he probably still took more wickets than Krezja, but, I think someone else should get a go anyway.

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select this

The Australian 30 man squad for the ICC show me the money Knockout cup is out.

30 man squads are a waste of column inches.

So let me waste a few inches.

After years of producing less Australian cricketers the certain grade clubs in Sydney and Melbourne, suddenly Tasmania is a force.

The smiling George Bailey, Brett Geeves and his terrific hair cut, the stutter stepping Xavier Doherty, and the entomologist Tim Paine.

If you count Ricky Ponting (which I don’t) that means 5 of the top 30 one day cricketers in the country are from Tasmania.

Quite an effort.

None of these 4 newcomers are anywhere near playing for Australia, but are all very good cricketers.

Even if they are Tasmanians.

So it got me thinking, if the squad for Pakistan (assuming Australia go) will end up being this, give or take.

Ponting, Clarke, Marsh, Watson, Hussey, Hayden, Symonds, Haddin, Hopes, Lee, Bracken, Clark, Johnson, White, Hussey.

So I thought I would pick a second 15 from those who will probably miss out.

Luke Ronchi, wicket keeper and gun opener. Ask the Windies and the Mumbai Indian net bowlers.

Tim Paine, back up wicket keeper, and excellent opening batsman. Ronchi brings the fire works and he brings the class.

Brad Hodge, occasionally I bag Brad Hodge, but he is the second best number batsman in Australia, which makes him one of the best batsmen in the world.

Adam Voges, Vice Captain, has played for Australia before and in England would be a very fine middle order batsman.

George Bailey
, smiles a lot, probably because he knows he can bat well, had an ordinary year, but I predict big things from his selection in my second XI.

Dan Marsh, best Tasmanian captain in Australia, still makes runs, still takes wickets, and still is a fat fucker.

Ashley Noffke, his one day form is generally ordinary, but if he can average 50 with the bat in shield cricket I am happy with him at 7, bowling first change, or whenever wickets are needed.

Ryan Harris, the big fella with shoulders made of granite, needed big shoulders from all his carrying of South Australia,

Brett Geeves, the quickie from Tasmania, not a bad guy to have coming in at 9 either.

Xavier Doherty
, I would pick stutter step over Cullen, and Hauritz, a wicket taker who can bowl left arm orthodox at the death, handy to have.

Shaun Tait, from memory, before his “exhaustion” took a few wickets in a world cup.

Brendan Drew, 12th dude, bowls quick, and doesn’t mind the odd long hard hit.

Squad members.

Bryce McGain, leading ford ranger wicket taker, and also another old head around the change room.

Dan Christian, project player, averaged 44 with the bat this year and bowls quicker than Stuart Clark, and about one millionth as straight or well.

Andrew McDonald, quiet year this year, but was in the 30 man squad for the world cup, and is one of those rare all rounders that takes wickets and makes runs regularly.

Would be interesting to see where it would come in the ICC knock out.

This team would never be picked though, way too many guys under 30 in it, and only two NSWelshman, who now play for other states.

Apologies to Dirty Dirk, Theo Doropolous, Mark Cosgrove, Aaron Heal and Douggie Bollinger.

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