Siddle goes to Disneyland
After the 2009 Ashes, Siddle and his lady went to Eurodisney.
Now the closest I’ve been to visiting Eurodisney is the simpson’s episode where they show Euro Itchy and Scratchyland. I can only assume it is some weird not quite right version of Disney that people generally avoid.
When you lose an Ashes, it is the sort of place you go to.
Siddle hasn’t won this Ashes for Australia, he may not have even won this test, but he sure as shit deserves something better than Eurodisney next trip. Disney World at least.
Today he was definitely riding the magic mountain, butt fucking Mickey and kicking the frozen head of Walt around.
All week people have been asking me why Siddle has been picked. They’ve told me all the different ways he is rubbish.
They probably won’t say that now.
They’ll use my Sizzle nickname.
They’ll offer him their daughters.
They’ll make him trend on twitter.
They’ll bow down before him and pledge their allegiance to the peoples democratic republic of Victoria.
That’s what days like today do to test players. They turn them from one of the players everyone takes the piss out of, to the one little boys pretend to be.
It’s easy for a kid to pretend to be Siddle, they just need run face first into a wall for a while, put a permanent smimace (smile grimace) and try as hard as they can.
I’ve always liked Siddle because of his Victorianess, his heart and the fact that he takes his wickets bunched together, now I like him more because he took a hat trick and a 7 wicket haul (I refuse to take a wicket off him cause Haddin can’t catch) in the first test of an Ashes.
I am wearing my collar up in honour of the great man.
Visited Euro Disney after the Ashes. Few players would show that sort of determination to the cause. But that is Sids. His face shows the sort of pain and desperation he is willing to go through for the cause. As someone once said, “He looks like he would run through a brick wall for his country, and his face shows he already has.” It is that gritty face that proves that he has what it takes to be a fast bowler. Started International cricket by hitting Gotham Gambhir on the head. Gets injured a fair bit, but never got injured when swinging an axe inches from his feet for sport. Go figure.
Let’s start at the top. Ponting runs the risk of becoming the first captain to lose the Ashes twice, and it is a very real risk of that happening. History shows that Ponting’s Aussies do not take defeat likely – witness their thrashings of both England and South Africa after losing to them – but this also shows that they are intent on learning things the hard way. If you can only outsmart Graeme Smith by losing to him, there’s something wrong somewhere in your brain.
There’s no doubt that Ponting the Batsman has improved over the last four years, but Ponting the Captain does not seem to have moved on at all. He’s up against a leader more cerebral than either Smith* or Michael Vaughan and this time he doesn’t have a side full of experienced lieutenants to help him out. Moreover, he’s the only member of the Aussie top order who can be relied upon to make runs during this series; even for a scrapper like Ponting, that’s a heavy weight to bear on top of everything else.
Australia’s worst nightmare has to be that Ponting gets injured and Clarke takes over the captaincy. If ever a player failed to live up to his early promise, it’s this guy. The ‘Pup’ nickname hangs around his neck like a leaden dog tag and, no matter how many runs he scores, he never seems to be truly comfortable at the crease. His increasingly anodyne left arm spin means that he cannot truly be regarded as a bowling option in Test cricket. As the changing hairstyles show, he seems to be a man still trying to find his role within the side.
Burst onto the scene against a South African side who had hardly seen any footage of him and scored plenty of runs against an attack somewhat lacking in either brains or guile. Even so, he showed some weakness against the rising ball bowled from around the wicket and moving into him. England’s attack might not be as pacy as the South Africans’, but Broad and Anderson certainly have more wit about their bowling than Steyn, Nel and Ntini and Flintoff specialises in the sort of ball Hughes has trouble with.
Moreover, whilst he has been scoring a truckload of runs whilst playing for Middlesex, he will find an English Test attack in English conditions a very different proposition to a popgun Division Two one, especially as he will have provided hours of footage for England to analyse. Indeed, a conspiracy theorist might suggest that county attacks had been told to keep him at the crease for as long as possible.
The most surprising survivor of the 2005 side, Katich reinvented himself as an attacking opening bat to win back his place in the side. The suspicion remains that the technical defects exploited by England four years ago remain and will be even more exposed against the new ball than the old one. The fact that his famously volcanic temper seems to have worsened over the intervening four years won’t have helped and the stress of an Ashes series is likely to provoke at least one flashpoint during the summer. That his left arm wrist spin is now an even more effective weapon could actually act against the Aussies, as the lack of other spin bowling options could force them to retain him even if he does hit a bad run of form.
Mr Cricket is in the worst run of form of his career. Whilst he could conceivably come out of it before the Ashes begin, it is hard to see how five months with no first class cricket at all will assist. His performances against South Africa this winter suggest that he may have lost his nerve against quality fast bowling.
As well as having to deal with the tensions of a first Ashes series, North now has to prove that he is worthy of the number six spot over and above the missing Andrew Symonds. Has plenty of experience of English conditions, but again has only played in the second division here. Another who will probably rely upon his bowling to retain his place.
Probably the luckiest man to be on this tour. Has yet to convince anyone other than the Aussie selectors that he is Test class. As a rule, gingers aren’t.
Has shown occasional flashes of being able to play at this level. Problem is that, any time he hits a good vein of form, he gets injured. It is as if there is some kind of horrendous curse on the man. When asked why he had been selected, Andrew Hilditch didn’t seem to know. Which doesn’t exactly bode well.
Iron gloves, dubious morals and has only had one decent run of scores at Test level. Basically, not Adam Gilchrist on so many levels. Even allowing for the fact that he had a hard act to follow, is not likely to frighten any international attack and batsmen will always feel comfortable with him standing up to the stumps.
Not even Brad Haddin.
Frustratingly inconsistent, he has the ability to damage any batting order with the ball and demoralise bowling attacks with his late order hitting. However, still seems equally likely to get carted around the park with the ball and to be dismissed cheaply. The latter calls into question his credentials as a Test match number eight. Basically, until he learns some self control, he’s not going to be the threat he should be.
Will the real Brett Lee please stand up. He seemed to be rising to the challenge of leading the attack in place of McGrath, even during the 2005 Ashes. But once Pigeon was gone for good, he lost form, got injured and the cycle just seemed to repeat itself. His overall statistics haven’t altered much, but it is hard to see how he is going to be the same player that he was four years ago after so much time away from the game.
His record against South Africa cannot be ignored, but neither the fact that the bulk of his Test wickets have come in hot, dry conditions. Will only be a serious contender on this tour if the summer is unusually warm, especially as he has never played in England before.
Like Lee, coming back from a serious injury. Hard, therefore, to see him starting in the Cardiff Test, which will then deprive Australia of their most potent bowling threat in English conditions.
In short. The Aussies aren’t going to win the Ashes, England are going to have to lose them.
The Harris over.
The ball out of the ground.
The Steyn over.
Will he, wont he.
The no ball.
When you haven’t made a test hundred, and you are 96* with 2 wickets in hand, you would be pretty confident of making it to your hundred.
Especially when you have put on a 50 run partnership with the number 10.
It didn’t quite work out that way.
Peter Sizzle decided he was a batsman, not the stubborn number 10 he was designed to be.
You would think that going out off a no ball would have woken Sizzle up, it didn’t.
Next ball he played almost the same daft waft.
I wondered to myself if Hilfy could last 3 balls.
No he couldnt.
Due to the wrong camer being used, we didn’t even see the wicket.
It was clearly a mistake, but it was also fitting.
Like a horror film cutting away from the violence, but leaving you with your imagination.
Mitchell deserved better.
He batted like a batsman to 36, and like a angry warden for the next 60.
It was a glorious end to go with a stout start.
And it deserved more.
One day Mitchell.
4 tests in and Peter Sizzle seems to worked out this test caper.
He aint no match winner just yet.
And the world isn’t quite his oyster, but it’s at least it’s his clam or muscle.
The great thing about Siddle is he seems to be enjoying test cricket.
Often newbies come in and look like they are being put through an enema with a fire hose.
Siddle seems to love every minute of it.
That is because he has done tougher things in his life.
He used to do this for fun.
I figure if you can live through this, and keep most of your toes, test cricket shouldn’t be that hard.
Test cricket is a mother fucker.
It is supposed to be that way.
So when a young guy comes through and performs good enough to change the momentum of a test, it’s a magical fucking moment.
Yesterday Peter Siddle went from hopeful to test player.
Firstly he showed balls with the bat, and not for the first time.
This was a solid as a rock innings for a number 11 against 3 blokes who can bowl 150 plus.
This series was supposed to be about pace, Steyn had 5 wickets already, and the G was making the waca look like a subbie wicket.
Siddle stood behind the ball, took one on the back, and batted for 49 balls while pissing off the South Africans.
But as Tony Greig pointed out, way too many times, as good as this was, it meant nothing without wickets.
Ponting obviously knew the same, and he made one of the best decisions of his career, he threw the new nut to Siddle.
Who knows what was going through the kids head at this stage, but he was on the biggest stage left in test cricket.
His home ground.
New ball in hand, he fucken steamed in and swung one at pace first ball.
Second ball he almost put a hole in McKenzie’s chest.
It was fast and brutal.
3rd ball was unplayable.
4th ball was left alone.
By this stage Siddle was fire itself.
He had a maniacal laugh.
Pace of a demon god.
And the ball was singing for him.
McKenzie was no match.
It’s hard to know whether he played or left the one that got him, it had pace, movement and a sexuality all of its own.
Then when Smith is set he takes him down, this time with no new ball help.
And follows it up with one that smashes through AB’s road block.
3 wickets does not make a test player.
But the boy sure looked like one.
And not only are they dirty spies, but they are Victorian spies.
People whose only intent is to bring down Peter Sizzle’s Waca performance.
These people should be stripped of their Victorian status and sent some place where this stuff is acceptable, like Sydney.
What would they really have learnt anyway?
They have tape of him.
They have reports on him.
What are the spies telling them?
Imagine the indepth dossier Mickey Arthur has.
He likes wood chopping.
His favourite footy player is Dermie.
His hair does not have natural blonde highlights in it.
He bowls a skiddy heavy ball.
In 5th grade he played kiss chasey with a girl, who is now a boy.
The South African’s could learn more watching him in the nets, or watching Victoria highlights.
Or this one if they are really looking for background info.
Hopefully this week every South African in Melbourne gets beaten up, not for being a spy though.