Tag Archives: Harbhajan singh

balls profiles: harbhajan singh

Is called the turbanator because he wears a turban and he once took a shit load of wickets. If he had taken the wickets with a dickie cap on, he could have been the dickinator. Was once part of the best non-spinning spin attacks in cricket history. In India he is one of the most deadly beasts on earth, outside of India he is much more like a grumpy old uncle. Celebrated the Perth test win more than any 12th man ever has. Is prone to dancing, and to be fair, is not bad. Is not liked by Matthew Hayden, it’s possible they’re lovers. Slapped Sreesanth in the face. Called Roy something. You can see him as a pious fierce nationalist with terrific skill in offspin and an inflated sense of himself, a cunt, or a decent bowler who loves the cameras a bit much. Or perhaps all three. Has a doosra, bowls with long sleeves.

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The CWB football team

I’ve decided to pick a team of football from what cricket has to offer.  It wouldn’t win the world cup, but I think I’d enjoy watching them play.


Sachin– sure he is not gifted with the most athletic frame, but like a non mental Diego Maradonna more than makes up with it with the ability to score at will and carry a team.  Has had some pretty handy world cups already.


Pollard – big strong and has great club form, picked for his ability to turn only a few opportunities into goals.  People worry that he has never done anything at international level to justify his millionaire status.  He doesn’t seem to mind.  Probably not adverse to the odd dive and handy with headers.

Left Midfield

Sulieman Benn – Occasional brilliance is often overshadowed by talk of his height and temper.  Only player to be sent off by his own captain after a bad tackle and bad attitude.  It is never clear if he ever tries to actually hit the ball in a tackle.

Centre Midfield

Ponting– Scores more than most, but is still a very heavy handed defender.  Is quick, plays well of both feet, is a winner, but can lose his temper at times. Has won at the top level a few times before. Doesn’t like being substituted.

Centre Midfield

Mark Boucher – A tough team player.  Like a rugged family sedan, once you have him there you’d know that spot was well taken care of.  Yet you’d still drop him from time to time to see if you have someone younger or flashier.  He might misread how much injury time is left in big games.

Right Midfield

Paul Collingwood – Often thought of as nothing more than a defender who plays midfield, yet he can score on occasions and is always important at the end of matches.  Only has a right foot, and this often makes his ungainly style look even uglier than it would normally.

Left Back

Ray Price – Hard as nails, ready to hack you just for fun, always slower than the men he is defending.  No one ever gets past him with the ball and their shins.

Centre Back

Charl Langeveldt – Steady, consistent, easily droppable, and dependable.  He will have been in and out of the team for years.  The sort of defender that gets no headlines but does the job when you can’t find anyone better.

Centre Back

Kumar – Silky smooth defender that makes the opposition strikers feel ungainly in comparison.  Always takes a piece of the ball, is the captain, penalty taker, and pin up boy of the team.  Also the most likely to put off the opposition when they’re taking a penalty.

Right Back

Harbhajan Singh – An attacking insane defender who loves to take free kicks from 40 yards believing that he can score a goal.  Mostly he’ll miss by a mile, but every now and then he’ll score.  Will also be red carded for the occasional slap.


Rahul Dravid – Nothing gets past Rahul.  Sure there are times he is less animated than an East German goal keeper, but would you ever back yourself to get through him?


Jamie Siddons – All the best managers have trouble keeping their emotions in check, Siddonds fits  this well.  With him in full view of the cameras you can really see the veins almost explode in his head as the other team score.

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Amla is unmovable, so is India

When you click on the cricinfo link to the scorecard for the Eden Gardens’ test the first name you see is Hashim Amla.

That is just how their live scorecard works.

It isn’t making a statement with his name; he was just not out, after facing a few more than a hundred overs to win a series for his country.

He couldn’t win the series, but India must have realised that in order to win this test they were essentially only a chance when he was at the non-strikers’ end.

490 runs for one out in three innings. That is batting.

Before the English series Amla was averaging a very bland 40 with the bat after 37 tests.

On a older test match sofa podcast I said he had talent but had been a massive underachiever.

Now he has conquered India.

His team hasn’t, but he has.

Sometimes you can play in six tests when you are in form and it changes the trajectory of your career, at other times you will remember them as the six tests when you didn’t suck.

And in these two tests Amla definitely did not suck.

His calm head today made his team mates look like they were panic buying before the Mayan prophecies came true.

This isn’t the strongest Indian attack of all time, but Bhajji was humming, Mishra was more than handy, and it wasn’t like the rest of the South Africans looked like staying in.  Prince offered 23 runs as second highest scorer if you don’t count Extras.

While two tests is still not a series, what two tests these were.

Steyn’s bowling, Amla’s batting, Sehwagology, and Tendulkar’s hundreds all set this up.

Nothing could beat the end of the day.

At one end you had Amla batting like he was made of granite.

At the other end was a collection of leg spin, off spin and Sachin spin trying to pry out South Africa’s former number 8 as the minutes ticked away.

Match winning hauls, stoic defense, amazing attack, all packed into a seriesette.

Plus the result was right.

It proved that no team really deserved to take the crown, but that both teams could kick some ass when they got their shit together.

India are number one, which seems odd when in 50% of this seriesette they were beaten up.

Ofcourse with South Africa now winning 3 of their last 9 tests, India’s record is looking more and more impressive.

In the end the artificial ranking system means nothing, look at the player and crowd reaction to that win, that means more than anything a statistician can table.

Now all I need to do is stop wishing this was a 5 test series…

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The Ultimate IPL Guide: Mumbai Indians

The attractive royal

Porn star: Sachin Tendulkar

Proved in New Zealand that there is still a little flair in the old fella.

Pole Dancer: Harbhajan Singh

Will probably not slap any players this year, as that put a dent into IPL last year. A class bowler and should have a good tournament.

Boy next door: Zaheer Khan

You never know which Khan will turn up, Chaka or Genghis. In career best form, and if he can keep it up will get them off to some great starts.

Home made/Amateur: Graham Napier

He is so famous he has his own website. So he must be good. Huge slogger handy bowler, will get a few games to prove, or not, his worth.

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Australian spinners are crap, aliens told us so

Without Warne, MacGill, McGain & Hogg Australia has no spinners.

No one denies this.

Two part timers, and both very very part time.

Michael Clarke has a great record against India, and Cameron White has a great record against no one.

India had three spinners, one a champion, one with a great record at home and a part timer of real skill.

Of the 5 spinners used in the game, India had the top 3.

India’s spinners took 3/370.

Australia’s took 3/166.

You could say their were mitigating factors, like Bhaji bowling shit in the first innings, and Kumble’s shoulder.

But the fact is they bowled a lot more overs, and went for a lot more runs, than two part timers, one straight off a plane, and got as many wickets.

India’s quick bowlers on the other hand, for the amount of overs they bowled, did a great job.

If the spinners had matched their output India would have probably won the game by a fair distance.

Reputations are there for a reason and Kumble and Bhaji deserve theirs, and no one is saying that Michael Clarke and Cameron White are long term spinning options, or even really decent short term options, but you have to give them some credit in this match.

Imagine that.

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they speak

“I am God’s favourite son, he has given me all.”

“I ask myself what would christ do in a situation like this?”

The top one was said by Harbhajan Singh.

The bottom one by Matthew Hayden.

How are these two men not friends.

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Bhaji does good work on the field

Imagine that.

Just when you thought he was a professional dancer and talk show guest, the man pulls out wickets, away from home even.

And boy did he need them, because he has been flat away from home for a long time now.

He has been flat in general even.

You could argue that his ten wickets are still on the sub continent, and you would be correct.

But they are against a fairly well put together opposition, so they still count.

The problem for India is, how long to you pick Bhaji knowing that the next test he plays outside the subbie he will probably go wicket less again.

Looking at his series in Australia, and putting aside bastard monkey gate, he was marginally better than Brad Hogg.

And who wants that on their tombstone.

Bhaji has pulled out an Ian Bell here, but will the selectors look deeper.

In the future India need bowlers who will perform everywhere, not just at home.

That is if their aim is to be the number one test nation.

And I am not sure it is.

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review this

Sri Lanka are turning India into their bitch in this test.

But you know who I blame.

The third umpire.

Three reviews (not referrals), and all of them against India.

The bias against India in world cricket must stop.

It makes sense though, the 2 umpires were always against India, so now there is 3 involved, one as a consultant, and all 3 are now against India.

This madness must stop.

To control the balance, I suggest all matches where Indians are playing should be umpired by the guys who sat directly behind the IPL cheerleaders.

They will restore the balance.

Perhaps, just for the time being, Kumble stops listening to Harbhajan Singh as well.

Bhaji is the most excitable numnut in world cricket now Slater has retired, and you can’t really rely on him for a non emotional response.

He truly believes every ball he bowls should be out, slaps team mates and does army rolls, this is not that man you want to trust with your 3 reviews.

The other player you can’t trust is a wicket keeper who cannot actually grasp the ball 50% of the time.

So when Singh is bowling perhaps the reviews should be left in the hands of Dravid at slip, a finer man you could not find.

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A Transcript

Telephone call recorded in Ahmedabad, 9 May 2008
Participants are known only as H and S.

H: Hi babes, how’s it going? Is your face better? I’m so sorry again for the slap.
S: It’s going fine. And I forgive you for the slap. I’m over the slap and want to move on. Making up after we fought was the sweetest pleasure I’ve ever known.
H: Same for me too.

S: People still don’t really believe we’ve made up though. Even when we said that we wanted to share a room, they just laughed. Is it time to leak our special video?
H: No, no, no, that’s the nuclear option and must be kept only for the most exceptional circumstances.
S: But what else do we have left?
H: What about a special ceremony publicly declaring our feelings each other?
S: Good idea H. We’d better start planning it.

H: We’d walk in together to “My Heart Will Go On”.
S: Oh. I was hoping for Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits.
H: It’s “My Heart Will Go On” or I’m not doing it.

S: OK, ok, calm down.
H: I’m perfectly calm.
S: Oh let’s not fight again baby.

H: Then I thought we’d have a reading. Andrew Symonds could read an exerpt from “The Prophet”.
S: Oh, yes, I like that.
H: Then I want to sing “Hurt” by Christina Aguilera, to you.
S: And I’ll sing “You’re Still The One” by Shania Twain, to you.
H: Then another reading: Ricky Ponting, sonnet 120 – “That you were once unkind befriends me now”.

S: Then a song for all present to sing together.
H: “Hit me baby one more time”?
S: That’s not funny.
H: Sorry. What about “Hit me with your rhythm stick?”
S: Again, not funny.
H: What about Tom Lehrer’s “Masochism Tango”?
S: *cries*
H: FINE. What do you want then? Roy Orbison “Crying”?
S: “Drama” by Erasure.

H: (sigh). Fine. Then, we could convey how we feel for each other through the medium of interpretive dance.

S: We also need to decide on what we wear.
H: I was thinking powder blue Hedi Slimane suits.
S: Excellent call.

H: Well, I think we’ve pretty much got this wrapped so hang up now S.
S: No you hang up.
H: No you hang up.
S: Let’s both hang up at the same time.
H: ok.

(5 seconds pass)

H: You’re still there aren’t you?
S: Yes. but so are you
H: Right now we really are going (hangs up).
S: Are you still there? Hello? *cries*.

Thanks to commenter “Indian” for the tip off.

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last week’s poll

What a poll this has been.

This is the biggest non Jacques Kallis landslide in the history of cricket with balls.

49% of you would cry if dry humped by Bhaji.

Presumably thats because you wouldn’t get touched by his supple wrist work.

This poll was flawed, as i forgot the thing that would make me cry the most, actually sitting down and talking to the man.

In the new poll i ask for you to be employment officer for Harmy.

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