Tag Archives: geoffrey boycott

the easy target

Steve Harmison is an easy target.

I should know, I bag him often.

Firstly he looks dopey.

Secondly he bowls everywhere.

Thirdly he doesn’t like to travel.

Fourthly he likes to have his big brother freddy around.

And Fifthly, well just look at him.

Recently the abuse has come from the ex English elite. Boycott, Butcher and Caddick have bagged him also.

Geoffrey Boycott is a tool.

I love his commentating, but I understand he is a tool, and I embrace it. I take all his comments with a grain of salt and wait for him to say something else stupid.

He also loves to attack easy targets, Tait has depression, let’s bag him, Harmy is a nut case, let’s bag him, so that’s nothing new.

Mark Butcher, former nuggety out of his depth batsman for England, now super star captain of the surrey brown socks, said “Steve looks such a long way off”.

And he’d know, having not faced him for a good 6 months, but those microphones are hard to avoid when they are in your face.

Andy Caddick was England’s opening bowler through a period when Darren Gough was injured a lot.

Andy had an action that made him look like a slightly retarded version of Richard Hadlee, but he took wickets.

Then he got old, and no one wanted him anymore, he was always like the Christian uncle you did your best to avoid at parties. So England stopped inviting him.

He was 34 at the time. He figured he still had a good 10-12 years left in him.

The selectors chose Harmy, and even though it’s five years ago, Caddick still can’t help sticking the pointy toe into the ribs of the big unpredictable man.

“He frustrates me because he took over my spot and he can be a world player.”

Dude it was 5 years ago, if he hadn’t taken your spot some other dud would have.

I have mostly resisited the urge to bag Harmy in this post, maybe not mostly, but at least partly, but to be fair I will let Harmy have his say as well.

“Jesus Christ would be quite interesting, but Bart Simpson would be brilliant.”

Exactly.

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cape town observations


I haven’t watched much of the South Africa vs West Indies test, about a session a night, but I do have some observations.

Either Shivnarine is a shocking batsman when playing with the tail, or he just can’t be bothered holding up his side any more.

Ntini never smiles. Not ever. And he is looking old, he looks older than Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank redemption.

Jacques Kallis has got fat, after all these years I finally have the physique of an international all rounder.

Dwayne Bravo is getting better, but he is not a test number 6.

Rawl Lewis is the worst test number 8 my father has ever seen.

Edwards, Powell, Bravo, and Taylor may not be the players of old, but on a pitch with a bit of life they are bloody good options.

Edwards or Taylor (it was late and I was tired) bowled 6 straight bouncers at Mark Boucher. Hit him twice. Possible my favourite over to a South African ever.

Paul Harris is an odd dude.

Andre Nel is insane. But also, he is the closest thing we have seen to Merv Hughes in years. Should be dropped for being too entertaining.

Steyn is a handy bowler, but when Gayle got going, Steyn lost the plot completely.

Steyn batted with a runner, and then bowled in the next innings. Ummm, wtf?

Its funny when a South African gets run out for 98. Even if it’s only Ashwell Prince.

Amla is actually more boring than Jacques Kallis, who knew that was possible?

Chris Gayle is still a cool mother fu©ker, even if he has a glass thumb and d1cky hammy.

Geoffrey is back, beware ladies.

Allan Donald should not be allowed to speak into a microphone.

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uglier than brendan, less smug than simon, but still not richie


This is for Suave.

I’ve just been thinking of Mark Nicholas, which isn’t normal for me, he’s a rather benign chap in general so I don’t really think of him.

I don’t dislike Nicholas as a commentator, he isn’t great, but when teamed up with Slater, Healy or Taylor he is pretty good.

When teamed up with Bill or Richie he is pretty shabby.

He is now the face of cricket in Australia, thanks to channel 9, and the fact none of our ex players or commentators are pretty enough or well spoken enough to do the job Richie did.

Except for Brendan Julian, but he’s Brendan Julian, enough said really.

There are good points about Nicholas being the face of cricket, he keeps Simon O’Donnell and his smug fu©king grin off the telly, mostly.

That’s all the good points.

My problem with Nicholas is that he is too nice to Australians, and pretty much anyone who was any good at cricket.

Probably even people who don’t play cricket.

In the taxi I bet he says

“So Biruk, tell us about how you work the onboard computer, because I’ve seen a lot of people do it, but no one does it with the skill, flair and timing that you show.

What’s your secret?”

It drives me insane.

But you must understand that this is probably my issue.

I’ve never liked people who are “too” nice. I don’t trust them, I trust @ssholes, that’s something I can understand.

Nicholas is just so nice, he could interview Hitler and his first question would be

“So Adolf, I hear you’ve got a german shepherd.

No good.

If were going to have a Englishman head our coverage at least give me a violent grumpy man like Peter Roebuck, Geoffrey Boycott or even Bill Nighy.

Some one who says bollocks a lot.

Some one with a real accent.

Someone who doesn’t sound like a tv personality.

Someone with a perversion.

You know, some one I can relate to.

Is a good bloke who likes to hit people and bag cricketers too much to ask for?

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Chris & Geoff together at last

I started to watch the South Africa Vs West Indies game, but it was a bit boring.

Then I worked out why, Gayle had gone out and South Africa weren’t losing.

Gayle did excite me a couple of times, including a slap over mid on from a Ntini line and length ball that slammed into the fence so hard they had to replace the ball.

Chris got a couple of nice swipes away, but eventually he was caught by a ripper from Gibbs replacement and I started to do more work and take less notice of the cricket.

Exciting news in commentating with Geoffrey Boycott back in the chair.

Boycott commentating Gayle is truly a perfect blend on sound and vision.

Like at the end of fight club as the building is blown up and the Pixies come on.

Or watching charmed on mute.

Every time the other commentator, Pommy i think, tried to defend or justify Gayle’s batting style, Boycott would have nothing off it.

“He always bats like this, he does.

He ain’t a great player, but he is a dangerous player.”

How we have missed him, he’s now not a wife basher, right?

I left the Windies at 3/100 odd, the perfect platform for a 300 run day or to be bowled out for 150.

Only time will tell.

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