Tag Archives: daniel vettori

Australia fail in 20 over chase

New Zealand set Australia 106 to chase, but even though it was only marginally more than 5 runs an over Australia could not get over the line. Australia’s record in 20 over chases outside Australia continues to be quite shit.

Phil Hughes, who sees all innings as auditions for the IPL incase he gets bad press again, was at his attacking best. In two overs he inspired 23 runs off New Zealand’s most trusted bowlers. This included a smack over mid on for six from Vettori and his normal ugly effectiveness against the quicks. Hughes bludgeoned 86 off 75 balls.

At the other end, Katich protested the whole 20 over concept, his strike rate of 27 was a personal statement on what form of cricket he likes best. Katich was in his complete krab like mode and refused to even pretend to score runs. In the past this would have lead to a fantastic collapse from Australia, but Hughes youthful excitement made the 20 over chase a possibility at times.

While Australia did miss out on winning in 20 overs, they won the moral victory by winning the test. Doug Bollinger kissed his underwear after the match and Ryan Harris’ chest swelled so much that no one could fit in the change room.

New Zealand’s two cricketers, Prince Brendon and Dictator Dan, must be a little disappointed that their side made 564 in total, being that they made 42% of them (I think that is right) between the two of them. Vettori is thinking of changing the batting order for the next match with Tuffey to go in at 3 and for Ingram to bowl medium pace when the other bowlers are tired.

Only the carrot of the IPL can keep the smiles on the faces of the New Zealand middle order marvels.

This game might seem like just another test, but it could be the last time Australia ever enforces the follow on. Even though they won by 10 wickets with their dicks in the air, it must have made them nervous once the chase went over 100. Their nerves must be shot.

It should also be mentioned that Phil Hughes now averages 51.25 in test cricket. It doesn’t mean much, but it makes me smile a little.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Are you ready for your close up, Mr Vettori?

dan in the cornerdan in the corner2My book has no mention of the film Dirty Dancing.

Tagged , ,

Daniel Vettori crosses the final frontier

As far as dictators go, Daniel Vettori is fairly relaxed.

Some dictators get into power and the next day make themselves the coach of the football team, put their picture up in every school and green light biopics about their rise to power.

Dan didn’t do that.

Once he took over as captain he didn’t even become selector straight away.

He even put up with a new coach for a while.

And it has taken him a good couple of years to move into the top six.

That is restraint.

Now that he is a bowler, batsman, captain, coach and selector he has no where else to go.

Once dictators reach this point in their live, things start to get a bit shit.

Underlings get shot, enemies go missing, and people start to live in fear.

Obviously the smart ones get out.

But what about the ones that aren’t that lucky.

Those who have to play on as this tyrannical figure gets pissed off that he can grab no more power.

Soon he will be whipping players who drop catches, burning players to get in run outs and castrating any player who disagrees with him.

I hear from the next test on all blackcaps have to get a tattoo of Vettori’s name on their heart.

Dan has already banned my book due to the IOB’s involvement.

Tagged ,

New Zealand beat Pakistan before a ball is bowled

It takes a mentally strong team to win a game of cricket before they get out on the field, and Daniel Vettori’s band of men may be tough enough.

New Zealand have already come up with a strategy so out of the box, daring, and genius blue-sky thinking that other captains must be jamming their keys into their thighs.

It boils down to two facets.

Plan A, New Zealand lose:

“In the unfortunate circumstance that we lose their test against Pakistan, the captain, coach or selector (all Dan) will claim that Pakistan only won because they tampered with the ball.  Even if it doesn’t reverse swing.  Any collapses or bad batting should be blamed on ball tampering (chucking if the spinners do us in). This will give us the moral victory, and will save us face.  Perhaps get some right wing  guys fired up about Muslims being untrustworthy to really sell it”.

Plan B, New Zealand win:

“If we somehow manage to win against Pakistan people will just assume it was match fixing. So let us spin that, and straight after the victory we will claim they were match fixing, but that they were only doing it because they knew they couldn’t beat us and decided to cash in. Win, win. Perhaps get some right wing  guys fired up about Muslims being untrustworthy to really sell it”.

While Vettori came up with these plans, they have gone over very well with the marketing people, especially those who are tired of claiming the Plunket shield was simply restored to its original name, and not because they couldn’t find anyone to sponsor it.

New Zealand cricket needs a shot in the arm, and perhaps Dan and his guaranteed wins might be just what the need.

Pakistan doesn’t stand a chance.

Tagged , , ,

Andy Moles “resigns”

In an extraordinary decision, Daniel Vettori has chosen to resign for Andy Moles saving New Zealand Cricket the embarrassment of having to ask for Andy Moles resignation.

A few days ago it was revealed that New Zealand Cricket was having a mediation session with Andy Moles. It was Vettori who was leading the session, but not even he could mend the irreconcilable rift.

Vettori then informed NZC that Moles would be resigning. He then read out a statement that he wrote and typed up:

“After careful consideration I have decided that Andy Moles has decided to resign his role as New Zealand coach, effective immediately. There were obviously some problems between him and some senior players, but he leaves on the best of terms. As captain and selector I would like to thank him for the service he provided to New Zealand cricket. New Zealand has already made their new choice of coach, I was on the committee, and we have decided to appoint myself as coach. I know you might think that I already have a lot on my plate, but this is only one other job. I can handle it. Being that I have experience as a player, captain and selector I believe this gives me some special insights into the job. I would also like to point out that I will not let this interfere with our performance against Pakistan. Please help yourself to the sandwiches I prepared, our cook was out ill, so I decided to just help out where I could.“

While Vettori’s press release about Andy Moles resignation stopped there, it was also common knowledge that Vettori had started driving around the team in South Africa after some players weren’t happy with the routes their driver was taken.

Some in the media have even talked about a rumour that Daniel Vettori has taken up flying lessons just in case they have any problems with future pilots.

Vettori has also been seen auditioning as a replacement singer after Boyzone tragically lost one of their members to natural causes.

Tagged , ,

Daniel Vettori pulls out of champion’s trophy final due to boredom

Hamstring injury my ass.

He bowls off 5 steps, and doesn’t use his feet when he bats.

Clearly he is resting himself for the champion’s league.

I don’t blame him, I am surprised he even turned up, surely he should be in India for preparation.

He probably already has a white jakcet.

Fret not Kiwis, your country has selected Prince Brendon to captain, and we all know how well he captains in South Africa.

Tagged , ,

Vettori steps down as captain

“I have decided to relinquish the captaincy. I would like to lead us through to the Twenty20 World Cup and then pass it on to Brendon. I’vee enjoyed my time as Skipper, but I think the New Zealand cricket team needs more than I can give at the moment, my bolwing has struggled in recent times, and I want more time to work on that. With Brendon ready to take over, I see no reason to hold him back. He has that streak about him, a ruthlessness and a cockiness that leads to him just wanting to win all the time. After consultaion with Andy Moles and the New Zealand Selectors, we decided that Andy should come over and watch him captain the Kolkata Knight Riders. Andy was very impressed with Brendon’s relationship with this players. Obviously Kolkata have struggled at times in the IPL, Andy was convinced that Brendon was not to blame for their poor showing and is ready to take over the main job. He will have my complete support, and I believe he is the man for the job.  I’d like to thank everyone involved with New Zealand cricket for their support and understanding.”

Daniel Vettori

Tagged ,

Myths & Facts from India’s jaunt to New Zealand

Sportsfreak takes a look through the series.

So the Indians will be boarding their jumbo about now, and for the final piece of excitement will be undergoing a take-off into a Wellington gale. Their fans will be cleaning their whiteboards in preparation for more normal use, and the rest of us look back on our brief time in the same playground as the big boys.

Obviously, there was going to be a lot of hype surrounding this tour; after all the test batting line-up boasted something like 107 test centuries before the series started, and constantly added to that over the last 3 weeks.

And we got to see first hand the likes of Tendulkar and Dravid for the last time, and Dhoni and Ishant for the first time, and were able to notice the difference in attitude and swagger between the two.

So we look at some of the theories that were floated before and during the series and see if they are fact or some hybrid of Indian Myth and Lord of the Rings special effects.

Tests in NZ in April do not work
Myth actually.

People will point to the fact that the April test ended with rain, but that only kicked in with 3 hours left in the match; that’s not bad for New Zealand. April, comparatively, is reasonably reliable.

And the tests were certainly less affected than the ODIs in February/ March.

Light was clearly an issue after the daylight saving change, but that was more of a management issue.

Dhoni is an attacking captain
Well some of his bowling changes are inspirational, and no more so than bringing Tendulkar on during the last day at the Basin.

But that declaration in the same test can always be held up as the perfect example that he can be as cautious as a shell-shocked Ponting.

He lets Harbhajan talk him into defensive field placings too.

Ryder is too fat for test cricket
Ha ha. Myth. A big fat myth too Adam.

He does have a weakness against top quality spin early on, but he’ll sort that out soon.

Yuvraj is rubbish outside of the Sub-continent
Absolute fact.

He was miserable here, apart from a couple of meagre cameos with the pressure off.

And remember this was on placid pitches against an ordinary attack.

Ishant Sharma is the Real Deal and the Final Product
Not yet he’s not. Despite what last year promised.

He had one good spell in Hamilton, and then roughed up Vettori at the Basin.

But in between times he looked more sulky than anything else. He perfected the act of hiding in the outfield in Napier when things got tricky, and he certainly didn’t seem to take to the Wellington wind.

Totally outplayed by the underrated Zaheer all series.

McCullum isn’t the batsman he was a year ago

That was probably his most consistent series as a test batsman. A shocking dismissal in the first innings in Hamilton was followed by composed knocks afterwards. His maturity in batting with O’Brien in the second innings of that match was class, and he held his head well in Napier.

At the Basin he got stuck with O’Brien again, and was sawn off in the second innings. Will probably be tried at #6 in the near future, which is about the only spot in the order where he has not been used yet.

Superb keeping too.

Taylor needs time to adjust from ODIs to tests.
Fact. Fact. Fact. Contrast the push across the line on the first morning in Hamilton with the 2nd innings resistance at the Basin.

Imagine what he could do in a 5 test series.

Harbhajan is a wind-up artist
True. And a very good one at that.

He didn’t get under the skin of the New Zealanders like he did with the Australians last year, but he sure wound the commentators up.

Note how he does well in the questionable umpiring decision stakes too. Not a coincidence.

Sehwag plays all forms of the game in exactly the same way
Myth. He bats for longer in T20s and ODIs.

Vettori is not the test bowler he used to be
Fact. And a pretty old fact at that.

If you want proof, get a video of him bowling on the 4th morning in the Basin, and then watch Tendulkar bowl 24 hours later.

It’s toe-curling stuff, and it’s even worse to hear certain radio commentators air the myth that he is a world-class spinner.

The World will miss Tendulkar

Sad but true.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Oram the Saviour??

Stolen illegally from sportsfreak.

There has been much talk over the last few days, including from Daniel Vettori that the answer to New Zealand’s batting woes is Jacob Oram.

We crunch the numbers and just can’t see it.

How we remember that century at the Gabba. In 2004. We remember that century in South Africa, and we even remember the most recent test saving knock at Lords. But that was in the middle of May last year, and we just can not find anything since to indicate that Oram is the answer.

When you take off those rose coloured glasses you can’t help get the feeling that this would be the ultimate case of a player being picked on reputation rather than facts.

We like Oram, and we agreed he has that Perfect Boyfriend aspect to him. But over the last year he hasn’t really been the perfect boyfriend ; he’s been more of an absentee lover.

Not that NZ is overly endowed with batsmen with more than a couple of test centuries under their belt, but lets look at Oram’s batting record since that century at Lords in May last year, and see if it sets him up for test cricket against Ishant, Harbijan and co.

Facts, not emotion and fond memories.

Test Matches
As strange as it may seem, Oram has actually played test cricket in the last 10 months.

v England, 2nd test
38 and 7

v England, 3rd test
7 and 50*

v Bangladesh, 1st test
0 and 8*

The 8* took 35 balls and involved a dropped dolly and a missed run-out.

So that’s a grand total of 110 runs at 27.5 against not necessarily the world’s best attacks.

ODI Matches
v. England; matches 4 and 5
38 and 52.

Good effort. He missed the first 3 matches through injury in case that needed any clarification.

v. Bangladesh; all 3 matches
That’s right. All 3 matches; against Bangladesh.

57, 75* and 3.

v. West Indies; matches 1, 2 and 3

Missed the last 2 matches.

v. India; All 5 matches
Who’s watching Jake?

0, 7 and 1.

The 7 (off 11) was in the 2nd highest scoring ODI ever.

So over that period that’s a total of 258 runs.

T20 Matches
2 v West Indies and 2 v India
13, 9, 29*, 0

That’s 51 runs in the format of the game some cynics suggest may well be his current focus.

Domestic 1st Class Cricket
Yup, he’s even played some of that. This week in fact, on the same pitch that Canterbury racked up 493.

One innings; 11 runs.

So, since the middle of May last year in all forms of the game Oram has amassed a total of 430 runs.

And although it is a bit misleading to incorporate the various forms of the game, that’s at an average of around 27.

What other player in world cricket would get rushed back into a side with so few runs under the belt? A player who hasn’t scored a 50 in any form of the game since 11th October last year.

Where his highest score in 10 innings since then has been 29*.

When on song, he has been a classy No. 6 batsman. But he’s needed time in the middle to get into that song. And since May of 2008 he just had not had that time in the middle, and to suggest he could come back now and somehow turn his own fortunes around, not to mention New Zealand’s would be like suggesting he won’t break again some time over the next few months.

Sportsfreak. Where we deliver statistics, not hyperbole.

Tagged , ,

Haddin Vs Vettori

This is one of those tosses that should be interesting.

With Ponting and Clarke out, Australia have decided on Haddin (?) as their captain for this 2020 game.

Which means he and Vettori will have a mexican stand off before the game.

I don’t even think they should toss the coin, I think they should should just fight to the death, and if Vettori beats Haddin to death, White, Australia’s new vice captain (!), can take over.

See how everyone wins.

I don’t really see Haddin as a captain, but obviously someone at cricket Australia has a sense of humour.

Fancy that.

Tagged ,