Tag Archives: brendan julian

Inside the AB Medal 2010

The Omitted went to the AB Medal:

A few things struck me as I arrived outside the crown casino’s red carpet entrance to cricket’s night of nights.

Firstly, This is the poor man’s version of the brownlow.

It has a little bit of prestige, but no one actually cares who wins (especially if its Shane Watson). No one calls ricky ponting the 4 time Allan Border Medalist. Mostly they call him a runmachine,  stylish,  or cunt-head. A very small proportion of the Cricket loving public would even know this event is on. When it’s Brownlow week the whole of Melbourne loses its shit. The Herald Sun is 3 times thicker, Eddie McGuire publicly Masturbates and the bookmakers’ phones run off the hook with more business than a condom vending machine in the toilets at the highschool ball.

Secondly, There is nowhere near as many hot birds as there is at the Brownlow. Sure Bingle, Furlong and Bracken are spank bank material, but there definitely was not the hoards of blokes walking around with a fat like i imagine to be the case on brownlow night.  Hayley Bracken’s choice of attire has definitely got all the online bitches changing their social-networking status en masse.  I can’t see what all the fuss is about. Clearly when you pay that much for a set of cans you wish for people to see them. And I did. Multiple times.

Despite the night reeking of wank, there were a few special highlights for those lucky enough to witness in the flesh (Other than the afore mentioned titty flash). It was disappointing not to see Darren Lehmann inappropriately comment on how smoking hot the Federal Minister for Sport is for a second year running. I guess the fact he had consumed about 30 less crownies when they let him up on stage this time around had something to do with it. Although he did manage to give her an honourable mention with a wry smile on his face.

Brendan Julian got through a whole night as co-host without tripping up on himself or the English language. A great feat for the big man, as those who watch Fox Sports coverage of the Australian domestic cricket will know. Well done BJ.

Standing next to a very intoxicated Michael Slater in the urinal at the after party as he pissed with his head leaning against the wall was special for me, but the number one highlight would have to be seeing Shane Watson Cry… again! Well it would have been had i not been locked outside trying to fight for a spot in the dunny with the crowds aiming to make it back to their seats before the 3 minute commercial break window was up. So I missed the big fairy crying, but it also meant I didn’t have to witness him actually winning the award. I couldn’t even hear his whinging girly voice thanking the medical staff for finally getting his glass-boned body through a full season. Shattered. I looked around all night for Tom Williams but he was nowhere in sight. It would have made my night to see big Tom dancing with Lee Furlong til late in the night. I only hope a few people understand what I’m talking about…

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ashes fact 18

The Ashes were always important, but before Brendan Julian played in them they just didn’t have the X factor.

Brendan brings something extra to the game of cricket, he is like James Bond with a bat, Justim timberlake with a ball, and Bobcat Goldthwait with a microphone.

Had he not played in cricket, and especially in the Ashes, you and I would have been the losers, but even more so the children.

Imagine if your child had to watch the Ashes series without Brendan Julian’s magic touch making that little much better.

He is the Jesus of the Ashes, and don’t you  dare forget it, you fucken heathen.

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uglier than brendan, less smug than simon, but still not richie

This is for Suave.

I’ve just been thinking of Mark Nicholas, which isn’t normal for me, he’s a rather benign chap in general so I don’t really think of him.

I don’t dislike Nicholas as a commentator, he isn’t great, but when teamed up with Slater, Healy or Taylor he is pretty good.

When teamed up with Bill or Richie he is pretty shabby.

He is now the face of cricket in Australia, thanks to channel 9, and the fact none of our ex players or commentators are pretty enough or well spoken enough to do the job Richie did.

Except for Brendan Julian, but he’s Brendan Julian, enough said really.

There are good points about Nicholas being the face of cricket, he keeps Simon O’Donnell and his smug fu©king grin off the telly, mostly.

That’s all the good points.

My problem with Nicholas is that he is too nice to Australians, and pretty much anyone who was any good at cricket.

Probably even people who don’t play cricket.

In the taxi I bet he says

“So Biruk, tell us about how you work the onboard computer, because I’ve seen a lot of people do it, but no one does it with the skill, flair and timing that you show.

What’s your secret?”

It drives me insane.

But you must understand that this is probably my issue.

I’ve never liked people who are “too” nice. I don’t trust them, I trust @ssholes, that’s something I can understand.

Nicholas is just so nice, he could interview Hitler and his first question would be

“So Adolf, I hear you’ve got a german shepherd.

No good.

If were going to have a Englishman head our coverage at least give me a violent grumpy man like Peter Roebuck, Geoffrey Boycott or even Bill Nighy.

Some one who says bollocks a lot.

Some one with a real accent.

Someone who doesn’t sound like a tv personality.

Someone with a perversion.

You know, some one I can relate to.

Is a good bloke who likes to hit people and bag cricketers too much to ask for?

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