Tag Archives: brad hogg

David Hussey is not the one, but just one more

Shane Watson has been a visible giant beast in this tournament; everyone has seen what he can do. Everyone one was waiting for him to fail. When he did he managed to bring Australia crashing down with him.

Other than Watson, the Aussie that everyone has been talking about is David Hussey. The most prolific run scorer in domestic T20 history, which is not really much of a history, but still. He’s also 23rd on the list of international T20 run scorers. He can bowl right arm fast offspin, and is a demon in the field.

If you were to build the perfect T20 player, you’d build Watson or Chris Gayle. If you were mass marketing T20 players, you’d sell millions of David Hussey.

Australian fans and Ian Chappell have been saying David Hussey’s name like he is the missing link between Australia winning or losing this tournament. Hussey’s spot is being taken by either the captain they’d never heard of, George Bailey, the re-cycled Cameron White, or the new man with the big ego, Glenn Maxwell.

Even when Hussey was a member of the middle order, it’s been seen as susceptible to spin and weak. But for four glorious games, they were not required. Watson had punched, smashed and crashed through anyone in Australia’s way. The middle order was only brought on when the opposition had been mentally broken.

Shane Watson couldn’t save them forever.

Australia had secret camps, brought in spinners from across their country, ventured into the desert and took on the beast of Ajmal, all so that they could be ready for this tournament and the wily mystery spinners they would have to handle. They handled the 18 overs of Pakistan spin (it would have been 20 if not for Shoaib Malik getting Mike Hussey treatment) much the same way you would a chest bursting alien popping out.

Every fear that the Aussies had that their middle order wasn’t up to scratch was ripped open. Bailey started well, but missed two short balls from Ajmal in a row. White hit a big six, before holing out. And Maxwell didn’t last long at all.

Australia’s batsmen were so poor that if Mike Hussey had not played the innings he did, Australia had put themselves in a position to go out of the tournament. Now sure, it may say more about a tournament where you can lose only one game and not qualify, or win only two and qualify, but that is just how much the Pakistani spinners dominated the Australian batsmen.

Play it awkwardly or try and hit it really hard seemed to be their main game plan, and it came unstuck with ease. Watson, Warner and Hussey have looked decisive, powerful and dismissive of spinners in this tournament. The rest of the batsmen have looked confused, limp and scared as they poked around uncertainly.

There will be calls for David Hussey to come straight back in. He can’t replace Bailey, but Maxwell and White could easily slip out of the side.

Maxwell is, in theory, safe because of his bowling. But in five matches he’s bowled only seven overs, and it seems that one or two a night is his limit. White helps out with tactics, but in the subcontinent often bats a bit like a lumbering dinosaur trying to catch prey that is far quicker than him. When he catches it, he kills it, but he often goes hungry.

And all those calling for David Hussey’s imminent return should see his record from the UAE, but not if they have a full stomach. He made 13, 3, 0, 43, 3 and 1 on that tour, which is why the selectors went for White and Maxwell in the first place.

While David Hussey might not be the answer, if the selectors do want to bring him in to bolster the middle order, in case of Watson emergencies, they can without losing Maxwell or White.
Brad Hogg has taken two wickets in five matches, his economy rate is 7.55, but his fielding and batting are not the Brad Hogg of his teens, twenties or even thirties. Against Pakistan the man with Test batting average of 26 and first-class average of 35 watched Mitchell Starc and Pat Cummins bat before him. Hogg has not been the success story that Australia would have hoped for.

Regardless of whether Hussey, Maxwell, White or Hogg play, it now looks like Australia can only win this tournament they don’t play Pakistan in the final or Watson continues to be the beast.

Watson is only one man, but as Australia scrambled around against spin, he felt like more than that.

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A debut on NDTV and talking bout t20

NDTV wanted the lighter side of cricket when talking about India, so they locked Sam and I into an ADL oval room. I talked to them about Sophie’s Choice, North Korea and horror films.

You can watch it here, if you feel the need.

I also wrote this.

Brad Hogg’s comeback and George Bailey’s rise don’t seem to have made people all that angry.

That’s odd, isn’t it?

Australia have picked an oldy and a dude to replace a dude with roughly the same record of the other dude who is slightly older. Where is the disdain, the outrage, the editorial’s sprouting anti-Victorian intent and how Australia are overlooking their future for some old dude the commentators all like?

Australia have picked a player who has been retired for years. I’m not even sure we knew that Justin Bieber was a thing when Brad Hogg last played, and Zach Galifianakis was a fat funny dude starring in such classics as Speed Freaks. Hogg isn’t exactly Bob Simpson, who was dragged from a retirement village to save Australian cricket.

I suppose if your lifestyle-hosting career is working well or you’re dating a famous model/actor/it girl, you don’t need to make a comeback at 40, but for Hogg it makes perfect sense. Statistically you can make an argument for Hogg. His economy rate is 5.4, he takes wickets, and no one has a better strike-rate on twitter abusing Mitchell Marsh. The only number not on his side is his age.

However, if you see Twenty20 as a way of easing young Australian cricketers into the team, then picking a guy who’s been retired four years who is only year younger than your selector is odd.

Then there is Bailey, who I am really glad is being given a chance to captain any Australian XI, but it’s not as if he’s hitting the captaincy with a stellar Twenty20 season behind him.

And age is also quite odd, as he’s a few months younger than Michael Clarke, and only a few months older than Cameron White. There’s no doubt Bailey can captain, he’s won more than his share of silverware, but so has White. Neither White nor Bailey made a cracker in a high class and low performance Melbourne Stars middle order this year.

You’d think that one of these decisions, if not both would be the catalyst for the first vicious attack on the John Inverarity reign as chief selector.

But it’s quite clear that virtually no one cares. Australians may casually enjoy the Big Bash League, and they may even make the trek down to see the odd match, but at the end of the day, you could have a man with a rubber chicken stuck to his head as captain and some bloke’s dog as the spinner and people would still spend more time discussing Shaun Marsh’s form or whether Punter (Ponting) should retire.

For all the hype and concern, Twenty20 is still just that thing people watch

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2008, the year of the trundler

Australia’s spinners, the ugliness has been spread around.

Hogg 2 tests

We started with Hogg, why, because MacGill was injured and stroppy, and instead of trusting the most inform spinner in the country, McGain, they went with the one day spinner.

It was a mistake, if Yuvraj and Gunguly didn’t play, Hogg would have killed himself. Instead, he retired.

MacGill 2 tests

Then MacGill was ‘fit’, so he was rushed backed into the side. He was not fit, he was not motivated, and decided to give it up. The problem was Australia selectors did not think this was a possibility. Instead of taking the next best spinner in the country, they took a project player.

Even MacGill has said McGain should have been taken. He wasn’t and Casson was given a test.

Beau Casson 1 test

Casson was no where in Australian spinning. I wrote about the best 7 or so spinners in shield cricket mid way through last year, and he wasn’t on it. I saw him bowl on the same pitch McGain took a five for, and he was ordinary, Victoria treated him like a part timer. I assumed he was playing as a batsman.

Then he took wickets in his last 3 or 4 matches, and he took a fair few, some of them were taken head to head against McGain in the shield final, a game where McGain was injured and Victoria had a impossible chase on the last day but they had a crack anyway and Casson cashed in.

This, and the fact MacGill was fit, meant he got a ticket to the Windies, and then a test match, as flying McGain over for a dead test was never going to happen. He picked up 3 wickets and bowled average, then he was shafted. Now they look to have ruined his confidence forever.

Picking Hauritz before him was like getting his Grandmother to shit down his throat, after the rest of the family have had their turn. By the time he is feeling better, others will be ahead of him.

White 4 tests

Was picked under the” he can bat a bit and when he was younger he bowled ok” ruling for India. The selection never really made sense, and when Krejza came in and did well, it made even less sense.

White hardly bowled for Victoria in the previous season, and in general struggles to bowl to good players of spin. So picking him was their way of saying, the rest of you suck.

4 tests, can you believe it.

Krejza 1 test

According to Tim Neilson, was held back until he was ready. Lucky he wasn’t played a week earlier, that could have been disastrous. I thought he was the best spinner behind McGain, and that still looks correct, his 12 wickets are hard to really judge, but his bowling was good, and he stood under the pressure.

He would be pissed to miss the Gabba, and then Radelaide, especially being replaced by a club spinner, but will definitely play in Melbourne and Sydney.

Hauritz 1 test

Who the hell knows. Ricky seems to think he bowled ok, Jeremy Coney and Paul Allot gave him some stick on sky, I thought he was lucky, to get a test and wickets.

I would have preferred Xavier Doherty or Aaron Heal really.

McGain, never mind

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the tongue is gone

Like in Ichi the Killer or Oldboy, the tongue has been cut off, by its owner.

This time however it has nothing to do with honour or having slept with ones daughter.

Or has it….

Brad Hogg has sited personal issues and “things he has to sort out at home” as his reasons for falling on his tongue.

Apparently his wife is pregnant. (Insert Michael Slater Joke Here)

There are also rumours of him signing with the ICL.

I’m assuming as a mascot.

Brad Hogg was upset at having to leave the game, but in leaving he has strengthened Australia’s test bowling line up.

With Stuey obviously finished, and Brad leaving, they both need new careers, and being the caring fellow I am, I think I have them covered.

They should move into a flat on the gold coast and film a soft core porn mobile TV show called Spinners gone wild. Stuey can perform tricks with a bottle of red, and Brad does all sorts of tricks with his tongue.

Perhaps I should write about the career of Brad Hogg.

He was selected as part of the experimental Chinaman scheme that was started by Harold Holt. Michael Bevan and Simon the Krab Katich were also picked under this scheme.

He was thrown into a tour of India because no one else wanted to be embarrassed, and then was picked again when Shane Warne was a drug cheat.

Having a career as an understudy (behind Shane) to the understudy (behind Stuey) would have bothered most men, but Brad Hogg never seemed to notice.

He was just happy to be thought of as a cricketer (by selectors).

As a one day cricketer he was serviceable, and occasionally better than that, he had the amazing skill to look like he was balling badly and still take wickets.

As a test cricketer he was a train wreck.

You have to respect him for getting the most out of so little, I don’t, but you should. I would say that there has never been a spinner with less guile who has had a career this long, so that is something.

George Bradley Hogg (no relation to the great Victorian speedster Rodney Hogg) you have had a career, good on ya.

But thank fu©k your gone.

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turn around, everynow and then


Apparently Shane Warne has retired.

So the Australian team needs to find some spinners capable of taking wickets in Pakistan and India.

Let’s look at the list of contracted and uncontracted spinners.

Contracted

Stuart “Lord Stuey” MacGill the enfant terrible of the private school leg spinning set.

Currently injured and more interested in filming odd ads about wine, but is married to a hot chick.

Has over 200 wickets, but has bad knees and is late 30’s.

May play again, but it looks doubtful, and even if he does he has worse knees than my grandma, and hers are fake.

Brad “the tongue” Hogg
is the part time bowler who accidentally became a test match spinner.

Was once a postman, still bowls like one, and is a very effective weapon in one day cricket, but is just not a test cricketer.

People say he is a nice bloke, but I don’t think that is helping him take wickets in test match cricket.

His bowling average of 50 is not gonna help keep him in the big time.

Dan “sleeves” Cullen took 40 wickets one year for the redbacks.

Since then he would be lucky to have taken 40 combined.

Has played one test against Bangladesh, and has a very annoying habit of scrunching his sleeves up before every fu©king delivery.

Was relegated to 12th man for the redbacks last game.

No where near the level needed to be playing for Australia.

Cullen “the other guy” Bailey
is the saviour of leg spinning.

So at the moment he is being crucified by not playing.

Right at the moment he is the highest paid club cricketer in the land.

Hasn’t been picked for first class cricket in 4 months.

Not even his father the preacher can save him now.

Uncontracted

Cricket With Balls Own Nice Bryce McGain is the pin up athlete for the blue rinse brigrade.

Sure he is slightly older than the usual debutant (cough57cough), but he does this weird thing, he gets wickets.

If he wore a lighter shade of blue he’d probably be playing right now, or perhaps the selectors don’t like Hugh Grant films.

He is the best spinner in Australia at the moment.

Unless my plan to reanimate the corpse of Tiger Bill O’Reilly has been successful.

Aaron “Billy” Heal is the child of a bastard union between Billy Bowden and MSquiggle

Ok, he can’t get a game for his state, but he did bowl very well when against Sri Lanka in a tour game.

That’s not the greatest wrap for him, but he does look like a bowler, and if he played on a wicket that helped spinners we may actually know how good he could be.

In the one day and 2020 comps he has bowled really well, and Sime likes him and Sime doesn’t like anyone with fewer than 250 test wickets.

Jason “who” Krejza is some guy who plays cricket i suppose.

He is the leading finger spinner statiscally at the moment.

Thats like being the tallest dwarf though.

His greatest asset is the fact he can bat, probably too well, as he plays quite often as a part time spinner and full time number 8.

He has wickets though, so that is something.

The Skinny

McGain has taken 24 wickets at 33.

Hogg 20 wickets at 40.

Krejza 13 wickets at 35.

Cullen 11 wickets at 50.

And Bailey, Heal, and Stuey aren’t really worth mentioning.

Australia’s spinning stable hasn’t been this ugly since Terry Jenner went to the big house.

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carpet bombs aren’t funny, and neither is he

Ok the joke has gone on long enough.

Apparently it’s been April fools day for 3 tests now.

You may remember my constant (here, here, here, and here, or just go here and scroll down) posts saying he just wasn’t up for it.

It’s not his fault.

He wasn’t going to say to the selectors, hey I’m not really all over this test bowling caper, perhaps you should look elsewhere.

He didn’t ask Warne to retire, Stuey to get overweight, the Cullens to be sh1t or for McGain to be Victorian, these things just happened and he was promoted to the Australian test team.

He is probably more surprised than the rest of us to be a test bowler in the number one rated side on earth.

Every time the ball is thrown to him he probably starts to shine it, before someone whispers that he is expected to bowl with it.

But please selectors, fu©k him off.

Send him back to his postal route, kick him out of the team hotel, give him some frequent flyers miles, hire a hit man to whack him, or feed him Ice and drug test him the next day.

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, and we are all very fu©ken hurt right now.

Because we Australians can’t take this anymore.

In this series he has bowled 110 overs, for 7 wickets.

Symonds and Clarke have bowled 98 for 14 wickets.

He is half the bowler 2 part timers are.

How shit is that, seriously work it out, how shit, he is really shit, like seeing a wart growing on your pecker, or swalloing a fly over and over and over again type shit.

Like watching Battlefield earth sober type shit.

I mean if Ganguly wasn’t a fruit loop, he might have only 3 wickets in this series.

That’s like getting your testicle or sensitive girl bits caught in a zipper shit.

I am starting a petition for all Australians, George Bradley Hogg must go.

Bring in Tait underdone, bring in an injured Hilfenhaus, bring in Bracken and his sisters hair cut, hell even bring in Daniel Marsh.

Anyone but Hogg.

You can even go retro.

Get Tim May a suit that fits, allow Shane Warne a room full of skanks, bail out Terry Jenner, pick Gavin Robertson from club cricket, give Richie a bucked load of anti aging cream, help me reanimate Tiger Bill or even turn back to Ray Bright or Greg Matthews, if worst comes to worst.

Because Brad Hogg is not a test cricketer.

Don’t tell us he is improving, that he played to the game plan, that his batting is handy, the his pants fit nicely, that he gives good head, that the players like, that all spinners struggle against India, just put him in a box and send him somewhere.

The West Bank perhaps.

Sierra Leone is nice this time of year.

Or perhaps Kenya needs a new leggie.

Our enemies are enjoying this,

“Have you any idea how much I’m enjoying Hogg’s “performance” over the last couple of days?”

If the Kiwis, with a team full of civil servants, are laughing at us, what would teams with actual cricketers be doing?

Do you know what England’s strategy next ashes is, ensure Hogg is picked.

I know I’ve been subtle in this post but I want to make sure the selectors under stand my message.

Get

Rid

Of

The

Tongue

Or

I

Will

Carpet

Bomb

Your

House

You

Useless

Mother

Fu©kers

PS, if somehow he takes wickets in the second innings, however unlikely that is, I was only taking the p1ss.

PPS, that line was added incase they Feds decided to charge me with any of the 43 terrorism offences I just committed.

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that lucky bastard hogg

Anil Kumble has decided to withdraw the charges laid against Brad Hogg.

Apparently Ponting cannot withdraw his charges due to the ICC administracrats rulings.

Who knows if he would anyway.

While I am happy some of the junk from Sydney is over with, I am slightly disappointed that Hogg won’t be suspended.

Not for saying bastard, but for sledging guys with tens of thousands of test runs to their names.

I may not like Ganguly, but when you average 50 with the ball and your bowling to a guy who has managed to survive in test cricket as long as he has, you probably don’t need to mouth off when he doesn’t pick your flipper or wrong’un.

Hogg was running down the pitch after every slightly miss timed shot, play and miss, or anytime when the batsmen looked slightly uncomfortable, like a crazed postal worker.

He was like an unfunny version of Andre Nel, and who needs that.

I’m all for sledging, but running down the wicket and yelling at someone in a humourless way is just boring.

The Hogg Vs Ganguly war so far in the series has me confused. On one hand, I’m happy that Ganguly hasn’t made a century, but on the other hand, I’m angry that Hogg keeps getting him out.

How can I hate Hogg if he continues to get Ganguly out?

It may haunt me for years to come.

Ganguly on current form should make a hundred in perth, he won’t ,cause its quick and bouncy, but he’s seeing the ball well, and should have made at least one hundred in this series already.

And Hogg, well he will be suspended by the selectors for this test, cause he aint Tait, but he will probably come back in for Johnson in Adelaide, and my mind will be in a state of confusion again.

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new bushrangers blog

The Vics (barely) beat the Redbacks tonight, and are therefore going to India for the IPL thingy (and play the warriors in the final on Sunday).

To read about the match go here.

In this game CWB’s Nice Bryce McGain ended up with figures of 2/11 off 4.

Ponting has lost confidence in Hogg, Hogg has called half the indian top order bastards which has lead to his possible suspension, and he may even be still carrying a finger injury.

McGain for Adelaide, anyone?

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remember cricket, its the thing they play between hearings and press confrences

A lot of people seemed to miss this, but while Australians were being hypocrites and Indians were throwing hissy fits, there was a test that got played.

I’m going to do something radical here and talk about the cricket.

Australia has two bowlers of test match standard.

Brett Lee, the reformed Indian singer, who has suddenly learnt how to combine bowling fast with taking wickets, and Stuart Clark, the middle management specialist who just continues to take wickets.

Then they have Mitchell Johnson, whom I have mentioned before, has two personalities. One day he is a fire breathing dragon, the next a puppy with a wet nose. If he finds conditions that swing he is damn good, if not he is damn annoying to watch. Luckily for him, Rick(y) seems to like him, which may account for the amazing amount of overs he bowled in the first innings, even when he continued to bowl dribble.

The last of the quartet is George Bradley Hogg, the man who is not talented enough to be related to the great north suburban fire brand Rodney Hogg (Yes googlers, Rodney Hogg is not Brad Hogg’s daddy/uncle/cousin or husband). I never though he was up to test match standard, judging from the last afternoon in Sydney, neither does Rick(y).

Players who do not have full support of Rick(y) tend to go the way of Jimmy Hoffa. Mind you Rick(y) may not have to stomp his foot, Hogg is injured and under investigation, plus the fact the selectors are dying to bring Tait in at the Waca.

Their batting is quite solid, but there is one major question mark, Michael Clarke. No one doubts this guy can seriously bat, but he does struggle under the strenuous nature of coming in when wickets are falling and the pressure is at its hottest. He is a long way from being an automatic selection in my eyes.

India too have their problems.

I love Yuvraj Singh the one day player. Arrogant, clever, stylish, brutal. A run machine capable of taking apart a bowling attack piece by piece and mailing it back to its family in some sort of sick game. But I hate Yuvraj the test player, frightened, lost, alone, cold, blocked sinuses. A scrawny man at a Xena Warrior princess lookalike contest. Where is the Yuvraj I know and love, cause this one stinks.

Wasim Jaffer can bat, I am positive of this fact. Unfortunately right at the moment, he is not. As I write this he is on the street in front of his hotel, waiving his bat at cars and expecting them to magically swerve and not hit him.

Perhaps in the 2nd dig Rahul Dravid again found some semblance of form, but the Waca will test that out once and for all.

Setting aside what happens to Harbhajan, the 4th bowler is the only concern for India’s attack. But that said Sharma is a shoe in for Perth, I mean what is this guy, like 8 feet tall.

Remember when we used to talk about cricket, back in 2007, it seems like only yesterday.

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Every Aussie Is An asshole (especially me)


We are.

We’re not fu©king @ssholes, mind you, but we are @ssholes.

Australia has one culture, winning, be it Grammys, Oscars or World Cups, we do it at an amazingly high level.

If we aren’t the best sporting nation on earth, we are pretty damn close.

There aren’t many sports we don’t have world class performers in.

Hell we even win winter Olympic medals.

Sport is not our religion, winning is.

And we are ruthless about it.

Friendships are lost.

Injuries are ignored.

Rules are bent.

The Opposition is intimidated.

Anything we can do to beat you.

It was the way I was brought up.

On the field we believe alls fair in love and war, sure we have moments where we are nice, even in sports, but we still want to win.

Afterwards have a beer with the guy you called a flaming @ss muncher, just trying to fire you up chance, want a cold one?

Now they are dobbing in cricketers, are they serious?

Either play like the @ssholes we were born to be, or straighten up and fly right, don’t put your feet on either side of the fence and ride it.

When the Australians first started trying to soften up their image I thought it was a joke.

A scientologist doesn’t covert to Judaism.

Why would they bother, it’s about winning, not being liked.

Lots of people like Sri Lanka and New Zealand, how does that work out for them.

Three or so years have passed and Australia’s new nice guy tag still doesn’t fit correctly.

How could it.

Ponting is a street fighter. The working class boy who loves a scrap, and would smack you over the head with a chair to defeat you.

Hayden is a Christian soldier. Like Dubya Bush before him, he is an evangelical fighter who doesn’t let knowledge or common sense affect his anger.

Roy is a black man from new texas (queensland), imagine the ©rap he has had to deal with his whole life. If that hasn’t made him harder than a teenager in a nudie club, I don’t know what would.

Hogg is 6 tests into a career, has no real talent, and is sledging guys with over 5000 test runs. Imagine what he did to the dogs on his old postmans route.

Before them were men like Justin Langer, who I personally saw threaten at least 3 Victorians with violence.

Steve Waugh, a man who believed in scarring the opposition for life and whose face broke Jason Gillespies leg.

And Allan Border, the man who told Dean Jones he was soft, as he threw up in India whilst making a double hundred.

No I wasn’t one of the guys Langer threatened, I’m not that silly.

In Aussie rules football I barrack for Collingwood, everyone hates Collingwood. That’s the way it should be. I couldn’t stand it if I barracked for a side that provoked no reaction.

I don’t know why this team decided to be liked, but I can only imagine it had something to do with making fat cash off sponsors.

Personally I think they make enough cash from cricket, they should concentrate on winning cricket matches.

If they really want to do something for their image, they can always do what Steve Waugh did, feed the starving limbless children.

Didn’t matter that Steve would have strangled an Indian to win a test on the pitch, because he did nice tings off the pitch.

India would love to be 2 zip right now, Bangladesh would love to win 2 tests.

Australia aren’t ever going to be completely nice, cause it aint in is.

So let’s drop the act gents, if nice guys finished first, we would have tried it already.

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