Tag Archives: book competition

Last, but not least

Jonathan puts this in only seconds before the deadline. This is the last of the competition entries.

I was waiting till the last mintue to point out how dreadful cricket is with balls attached. A cricket with balls that big is ruined – how could it ever take off? And cricket with balls took the focus from the greatest sport on earth and put it on the peripherals of sex, self-promotion and ski instructors well before Modi got in on the act.

But then I saw that cwb had upset WG, so it can’t be that bad after all.


Leela talks about the ladies

Leela has put her entry in. Will she win the book?

Jrod once wrote:

Fourthy, the lady and pink market.

Don’t for one minute think ladies are not an important part of the cricket

This site has 25% of it’s hits from ladies.

That quite obviously prompted Cricinfo to start a “Page 2” for this IPL season, which included this.

Clearly what is worse than women playing/watching cricket??

Well women writing about it!

What an evil, evil man.

P.S Can I still say, this is my fav Jrod blog?

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for shizzle

SLA gives us a lyrical entry to the competition. It is not an Aussie Haiku though.

CWB used to be informed, witty and good
the neutral side was where CWB stood
Stirring up shit was guaranteed
acting like an obnoxious weed

But in recent times CWB has sold his soul
WG thinks it’s no more than toilet roll
CWB has illustrated to lalit that there are $ to be made
so Lalit puts a 7minute break into his IPL crusade
A game that pauses after every 15 seconds of action
is even more filled with ads, much to my dissatisfaction

CWB is a whore. And a self-abusing whore at that
Advertising and self-flagellation go tit-for-tat
Shameless plugging of his crap wares
CWBs commercialisation brings me to tears

Unabated love for leg spin
the doosara is banned herein
overrated Vics; Nannes and bryce
plenty of man love. That was nice
Oh how CWB used to sizzle
Snoops opinion on CWB was “fo shizzle”
But CWB has made cricket all shares and stocks
And don’t hyper-link this to your book you cuntox.


Raj gets rude

Raj‘s entry is a little different. If you want to win one of 3 signed copies of the book, your entries must be in by Midnight (London time) tonight. cwb@cricketwithballs.com

Shane watson lubed up sexy Broad shaving Mandira armpits Warnie blow up doll John Davison christian sodom Hayden orphan eater Bhajji rectum colonoscopy Sidebottom sideways sucking fingering KP switch hit bitch tit ass sucking pimp John Davison Hair gonads chucking sucking fucking Gilly pedalo probotic boring sex kinky Pink Gloves handjob cumload John Davison nuts Murali finger licking good giant alien cock lizard bastard monkey mating Ravi Shastri Mandira Bedi man love John Davison dirty dicks Dirk penetration anal John Davison Gayle cumming all over maiden catholic priest little boys manlove Jimmy Stuart orgy Bhajji genghiz sick prick John Davison casual sex Afridi talibanic tantrik Bingle Binga bang bang John Davison oral Alistair Cook licking nipples Ishant adam apple frozen banana Big Jake silver dong transsexual tranny Powar inflatable midget facefcuking Bangaldeshis John Davison cowboy straddle Ryder supermodel Kallis wife penis warts Shoaib John Davison Akhtar southafrican sister Freddie KP incest Kallis sister platonic Sachin Portman sodomy If it weren’t for bastard Jrod we would still be discussing the cricket.


WG wipes his ass with the year of the balls

Jason summons a long forgotten spirit while telling you how cricket with balls is ruining cricket. Less than 24 hours left in the competition, entries to cwb@cricketwithballs.com.

I fail to see the humour in  your constant deriding of the game and those that play it. Yyou and your staff writers are actually quite sick actually. In my day we would have flogged the likes of you for your foul language about a gentleman’s game. Bowl yourself a bouncer you cads.

Yours Gentlemanly  WG Grace.

p.s If i happen to win i will use your book as toilet paper.


Short of a length but long on words

Achettup from Short of a Length has a go at winning a a signed free copy of my book with this effort, which he explains further here, but it is illegal, as it is over the 200 word limit, can you do better, cwb@cricketwithballs.com.

CWB isn’t the first instance of a mix of cricket and lewdness. And it won’t be the last. I see no crime committed by CWB against the game of cricket that someone else hasn’t committed before. Except for one thing.

You see all of us who were able to shelter ourselves from the crazy world that cricket has evolved to, what with revealing autobiographies and official cricket boards revealing embarrassing medical conditions, we had put our faith in one man. He alone told it to us like it was, throughout the sport’s history. He was our last bastion of hope. A shining beacon who uttered the memorable “Thats rubbish, when you’re out you should walk not correct the umpire” during one of the earliest matches. Years later during the Bodyline series he made that brilliant observation “Whoa, will you look at the knockers on that one!”

When Ramchandra Guha released a book that any T20 aficionado could use as a replacement sheep counter, he was busy tearing to shreds the savage bouncers and swing practised by evil fast bowlers. When a black man’s mother was insulted he rightly called out the perpetrators for who they were, a bunch of sissy cowards who cried when things didn’t go their way. And who can forget that fantastic “I’ll show you how its done Sunny” when the little master wailed during that test match.

In this man had we kept our faith, in his pristine existence did we appreciate all that the spirit of cricket was about. But Jrod destroyed him. Worse, he made it cool to destroy him. For this we cannot forgive. Because Neil Harvey was made to look like a fool when he asked if blogs were a kind of boot. It appeared he just didn’t keep with the times. On that chilly day, the enigma imploded. Jrod, You Bastard! Why did you have to go after him? You just ruined it for all of us.


Chriag’s 3 letter words

Here is Chirag’s entry the in the book competition.

Because it makes Cricket – and following cricket – fun

But cricket cannot, repeat CANNOT, be fun

Fun is a 3 letter word

Like “ICL”


Ben hearts CWB

Ben tries to piss off Rugby League fans and win one of three signed copies of my book with this effort, can you do better, email us at cwb@cricketwithballs.com, with your 200 words or less on how cricket with balls is ruining cricket.

G’day kiddies! Your intrepid bloggers, Kiki + Sassy, are here with the latest on the cricket. We are quite breathless (well not literally, because we are calmly sitting down typing this, duh) that our Uncle JRod, who we hearted Big time when we were in London on one of our junkets, has just killed Modi and become Supreme Commander of World Cricket, and now busy bringing in a whole bunch of ideas to make cricket even more exciting.

We thought that parking ourselves on the lounge for five days straight couldn’t get any better, but he is going to model the batting around his hero, Sehwag. Yep! That means no more running between wickets, all scoring will be in fours and sixes, and you get a ten if you break a window! Every five overs there will be a KFC break and,  to improve the bodycount, bowling beamers is now not only legal, but encouraged. The best part is the uniforms will be replaced with pirate costumes, everyone will have to grow beards and bowlers can only appeal to the umpire with a shout of ‘Yaaaarghhh!?!!’ It’s genius. Just like Errol in ‘Captain Blood’ *eyes glaze over for a second*


Ceci’s entry

Ceci, of Mel & Ceci, didn’t want to show how I was ruining cricket, so she has shown us how I am ruining Natalie Portman. If you can send a picture, or write in 200 words or less on how cricket with balls is ruining cricket, you go into the running to win one of 3 signed copies of my book.


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