A rundown on who writes for cricket with balls, incase you get confused or forget to read the spun by tag.
Updated with new lady blogger.
Catch phrase – “You know what this post needs, an indifferent cat.”
Writing style – educated, well thought out, excited, mildy perverted. Uses Grammar, will do anything for a guy with a big dictionary, and generally likes a dot point or two. Occasionally lets her love for certain cricketers permeate her writing .
Cricket Pedigree – Played cricket in the dust on holidays in Sri Lanka as a child, but fell in love with the game during the 1990 Lords test v India. Her love of cricket is nothing to do with the men, because in the 1990s the men in question were Gooch, Gatting, etc. Now, feeds the obsession (which was once once described as borderline aspergers) by going to Surrey games, collecting Wisden almanacks and watching literally any cricket on tv.
Favourite Players – Piyush Chawla, Shahadat Hossain, Jesse Ryder, any Sri Lankan.
Most Hated Players – Hate is a negative destructive emotion, but: South Africans (except for Vernon Philander, whom she would marry for the name), and Matthew Hayden (whom she would not marry for the name even though she likes classical music).
Pet Peeves – cricketers with rituals at the crease, because once you notice them there’s no un-noticing them. Overuse of emoticons. Unkindness.
Catchphrase – “the way it used to be”
Writing style – considered, well thought out, in depth, makes constant references to Uncle J Rod’s ex girl friends and likes to use………. Instead of one full stop. Bad grammar.
Cricket pedigree – front foot player, defensive when compared to dashing players like Bill Lawry or Geoffrey Boycott. Bowls extremely slow right arm off the wrong foot. Worst person to bowl to in backyard cricket, as will leave any ball a fraction away from off stump.
Favourite players – Any Australian captain other than Mark Taylor. Sanath Jayasuriya.
Most hated players – Any South African, KP, Mark Taylor, Sourav Ganuly, Stephen Fleming. Shane Watson.
Pet peeves – People who play across the line, people who he thinks have bad techniques, any captain who isn’t an Australian.
Catch phrase – “he’s shitter than Michael kasprowicz”
Writing style – passionate, non-linear, writes like he is yelling at the computer, good with a one liner and tries to piss people off.
Cricket Pedigree – Leg Spinner, turned the ball a long way, great flight. Worst batsmen in his whole extended family (family known for supplying the tail of many sides). Can play one shot, the cut, plays it no matter where the ball is pitched.
Favourite Players – GLENN MCGRATH (bordering on stalking or a man crush, seriously he made me edit this and put his name in capitals) Andrew Symonds, Justin Langer, Stephen Fleming Sachin Tendulkar, Lance Klusenor, Brad Hogg and Shahid Afridi.
Most hated players – All South Africans, Arjuna Ranatunga, Chris Cairns, Aravinda de Silva, Michael Kasprowicz, Shoaib Ahktar, Murali, Hansie Cronje, Herschelle Gibbs, Sourav Ganguly, Andrew Strauss, Harbhajan Singh and Sreesanth.
Pet Peeves – When Thommo miss pronounces McGrath’s name. When non talented Queensland blowers get picked for Australia, when sub continent players cheat.
Uncle J Rod
Catch phrase – “that reminds me of this girl I used to”
Writing style – right brain, analogies, talks shit, mentions sex in like every fucking post, Natalie Portman references, too many film references, tries to be funny, quick to anger. Spells names wrong, doesn’t use capitals when he should.
Cricket Pedigree – All rounder. Bowled leggies, but they didn’t spin much. Attacking batsmen, thrown away more good starts than he’s had cold beers. Captained and stood at first slip as much as possible.
Favourite Players – Ian Harvey, Adam Gilchrist, David Hussey, Wasim Akram, Curtly Ambrose, Bryce McGain, Mushtaq Ahmed, Chris Gayle, Cameron White, Dirk Nannes, Stephen Fleming, Keith Miller and Matthew Elliott.
Most Hated Players – Any fucking South Africans, Sourav Ganguly, Brad Hogg, Brad Haddin, Andy Bichel, most New South Welshman, Simon Katich, and Adam Parore.
Pet Peeves – Captains who play boring defensive ass cricket to keep their job, spinners who bowl flat, countries trying to play like Australia, the amount of one day cricket, south africans, and the fact Natalie Portman has not slept with me (um, sorry, him). Globalisation, two party democracy, the moral majority, private sectors ruling governments, they way poor nations are used and abused by rich white dudes and the fact that my local bus doesnt stick to the time table. Tony Greig.