Tag Archives: anil kumble

Unkie J talks leggies

A small boy entered the Pizza shop today and said

“Hey Unkie J, I want to be a leg spinner just like you”.

And I said

“Well I am hybrid Bubby/club legspinner”.

The little boy ran out confused.

That left me worried about the state of education in our schools.

Are kiddies not taught about the variants of leg spinning.

Maybe some on my blog are confused also.

Leg Spinning types and brief descriptions, by Unkie J.

The Aussie ripper leg spinner

Practised by Peter McIntyre, Sutart MacGill, and Shane Warne.

The main art of this leg spinner is the actual side spin imparted on the ball, which is done with a slightly rounder arm action and wrists made of steel. The objective is to spin the ball sideways on glass whilst maintaining a fairly consistent length and line. In a lesser hands it can go horribly wrong, in the hands of a master, can be combined with subtler straighter balls and gentle over spin to keep the batsman guessing. Mostly a leg stump line, can be less effective against a cack hander.

Signature move, the ball the spins past the outside edge.

The Bubbly Pakistani leg spinner

Practised by Mushtaq Ahmed and Abdul Qadir.

This is legspin with a touch of aerobics. It requires lots of hopping, arm whipping and an offstump line. This is the one form of leg spin that best encapsulates everything there is about legspinning, as all delivery’s are available from a straighter arm action whilst still spinning the ball. The objective is to trick the batsmen with a variant of balls so devishly devised that he regulary plays for a ball that spins one way whilst it spins the other way. Because the ball spins both ways it is effective against all batsmen, but the offstump line means a good length is every important.

Signature move, the wrong’un that cuts the batsman in two halves.

The Absurdist straight breaker

Practised By Tiger Bill O’Reilly, Anil Kumble, Shahid Afridi, Chris Harris, Cameron White and Piyush Chawla.

This is leg spin without the legspin. It is deception of the highest order. It is also almost impossible to make a living on. You must have the ability to sell the spin, whilst delivering the straight one. You can bowl any delivery you want with this style, but it doesn’t really matter, because you won’t be spinning the ball anyway, but if you are good at it, you will be aggressively accurate and steady like a train. The objective is to penetrate the mind of the batsmen through repetition and absurdity.

Signature move, the straight one.

The club leg spinner

Practised by Richie Benaud, Bryce McGain, & every West Indian Legspinner ever.

Not a huge spinner of the ball, has variation but mostly works on the fact that if they can land every leg spinner in the same place for a day wickets will come. The arm action is usually somewhere between straight arm and round arm, and this particular style comes in many wonderfully different actions. The objective is to beat you with subtle flight, spin and speed changes.

Signature move, the batsman losing patience and swinging across the line, but hitting it straight up in the air.

The Paul Adams leg spinner

Practised by Paul Adams, and me in the backyard, until I hurt my back.

Was once described as a frog in a blender. I like to think of it as a midget, wearing a bunny suit, trying to fling its head at you with a shoulder jerk so savage that it could kill the average ostrich. The objective seems to be not to fling your head at the batsman, but to make him think you are while you get him with your badly disguised wrong one.

Signature move, unknown.

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India served like a japanese turkey

This is my kind of test match.

Destruction.

Carnage.

Ganguly facing two balls.

India’s top orders being sliced open like an anime character on Christmas morning, whatever that means.

This is test cricket, India humiliated for 76.

Only Irfan Pathan is left alive, and at better than a run a ball. Well done.

Dale Steyn the over excitable Chris Gayle hating fast bowler picked up what his Rainbow Coalition fast bowling partner started, and finished with 5 for 23.

The evil supervillain Morne Morkel took two wickets whilst stroking his white cat, and old man Ntini started it all off with 3 wickets.

India didn’t make it to lunch.

According to Homer’s sources, Anil wanted the pitch shaved and the groundsman said “No, No, No”.

That grounds man may be lynched by parochial Indians, but in my eyes, he is a legend, and probably soon to be a martyr.

Now if South Africa get bowled out for 33 I will be glowing.

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In depth pre test preview

When Travelling through the evil empire (sa) I noticed that it was safer to do so in a deluxe European car.

India may not have that luxury.

Their Rolls Royce is having groin niggles.

And I don’t have to tell you that on a car groin niggles are rather nasty.

Without Kumble, Bhaji is the next man, and whilst he drives a Toyota, magically on spinning home tracks it turns into an Audi.

But best news out of the lot is that mini Anil is playing.

Piyush Chawla is in the team, ready to invoke serious serious harm on to South Africa.

For those of you who don’t know, if Piyush was Victorian, he would have petitions to have stands named after him already, started by me offcourse.

I always get excited when a new leggie is on the scene, quite often that turns to boredom, but sometimes it’s beautiful and it lasts forever.

Other time they turn into batsmen, I’m looking at you two, Shiv and Cam.

I think in overseas tests Chawla should be played before Bhaji, not because Bhaji is a total @ss bandit.

But because, his touring average is 40 and this Chawla kid is a leggie, and instantly more cooler than Bhaji could ever be, even when considering the dancing.

For the Evil Empire, Leg Spinners are hard to play, because they think like automatons, and leg spinners are artists dancing and twirling around them with colours so bright they simply cannot see straight.

Hence the complete embarrassment of losing their wickets to the true masters of cricket.

hahahahahahaha.

Your average South African cricketer is colour blind, by choice.

True story.

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Sydney = sooks & bullies

I think I’ve worked out exactly what is wrong with Australia Vs India relations.

Sydney.

The test series was fine, then Sydney came along, Australia started claiming one hand one bouncers, Bucknor found out Roy was his long lost son, Anil Kumble lost his frame of reference, Bhaji and Roy danced orally and Ishant Sharma “accidentally” got his gloves confused.

Then world war three started, it was like a particularly bad Bollywood film, without songs, pretty girls, terrible acting or happy endings.

Finally when bastard monkeys and Ricky Ponting’s honour was no longer in question we started playing cricket in other states.

The BCCI decided that the tour could continue, and the test series was completed.

Then Sri Lanka came out, no one could make runs, everyone except the batsmen seemed quite happy.

Then a meaningless one dayer in Sydney was played.

Dhoni used illegal gloves, Sharma asked Roy to gently fu©k off and the Australians are bullies again.

I don’t blame Dhoni for using illegal gloves.

I don’t blame Sharma for losing the plot.

And I don’t blame the Aussies for sledging until the Indian’s got caught retaliating.

I blame Sydney.

Not the BCCi and their sooky lala behaviour.

Not Andrew Symonds and his well bowled mates.

Sydney, it can take non sooks and non bullies and make them Indians and Australians.

Tony Greig lives there.

Think of all the people who have been to Sydney and died, Kurt Cobain, John Lennon and Burt Reynolds.

Also Tom Cruise likes Sydney.

The defence rests your honour.

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Australia destroy India with Crushing Draw


Spectators at the Radelaide Oval said they had never seen such a brutal draw in all the tests they had visited.

India were confused at Australia playing for a draw, but they decided to go with it as they are comfortable with draws.

Ian Chappell was heard to say it was one of the best draws the great Les Burdett has cultivated in his time at the Radelaide Oval.

He said it reminded him of a first class game where the great Les Favell drew a game against Victoria.

Anil Kumble said he was happy with the spirit that Ganguly didn’t walk with.

Ponting was quite impressed with how Michael Clarke positioned himself at slip.

Gilly went out of his way not to mention Michael Slater in any press conference.

Sehwag didn’t say anything to the media in case he would get dropped for another few tests.

Matthew Hayden thanked jesus for Gilly, Mark Nicholas prostrated himself in front of Gilly like he was Jesus.

And Bill Lawry left quietly with something flapping in his suit case.

Ps, Shane Watson has been promoted to the role of wicketkeeper for Queensland for the rest of the year. Sime was heard to say,

“Lets be honest, he’s a surefire selection now.”

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Anil of the absurd – the straight one

I have spent many hours looking at Anil, and I still can’t understand how he gets wickets.

I bowled a lot of straight leg spinners, most of them got slogged over mid wicket, some to square leg.

Not once did a coach say to me, hey sh1t ©unt, you bowl alright, but you’re spinning the ball a bit much, hold back and bowl some straight ones.

I don’t understand David Lynch films either, everyone is weird, the music is odd, the plot makes no sense, but at the end of the film I like what I’ve seen.

Same as Kumble.

Of all the great modern spinners he is the one you’d back yourself to get through an over of. You probably wouldn’t, but compared to Warne or Murali, you wouldn’t be completely embarrassed either.

You would miss the straight one though.

Some people don’t consider him a spinner, but some people don’t consider George Dubya a pimple on the ass of soceity.

Were it not for his constant wipes at that sweaty forehead, you would wonder if he were truly a human.

I mean what sort of a spinner bowls that many balls on a good length, with grace, patience and no spin.

Steve Waugh always says you wouldn’t lose sleep the night before facing Kumble.

This is probably true, but the night after facing him many a batsman has looked at the ceiling of a Delhi hotel thinking, “how the fu©k did I miss another straight one”.

He is not so much a bowler, but an artist who uses minimalism to deceive you.

Like Samuel Beckett he strips away the reality of spinners needing to turn the ball a mile. He brings bowling back to the very base level of the human condition.

Kumble turns batting into an introspection of life itself. The batsman has many questions to face during his spell.

Do I go forward, do I go back, is it turning, is it going straight, should I attack, should I defend, when is the right time, is he a leggie, is he an inswinger, can I pick his wrong un, is my pen1s really satisfying my partner?

A normal bowler tries to beat the batsmen, Kumble makes you define the very idiom of bastmanship.

Then he bowls the straight one.

Trust me, it is very hard to bat whilst thinking about idioms, especially when Kumble is probing at you with minimalism.

Off the field he handles himself with a confident quiet calmness, part James Bond, part Riche Benaud, but Indian.

He is smooth, classy, clever, respected and dignified at all times.

Then he bowls the straight one.

Don’t try and understand the straight one, just accept it for what is is, another wicket to the great man.

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that lucky bastard hogg

Anil Kumble has decided to withdraw the charges laid against Brad Hogg.

Apparently Ponting cannot withdraw his charges due to the ICC administracrats rulings.

Who knows if he would anyway.

While I am happy some of the junk from Sydney is over with, I am slightly disappointed that Hogg won’t be suspended.

Not for saying bastard, but for sledging guys with tens of thousands of test runs to their names.

I may not like Ganguly, but when you average 50 with the ball and your bowling to a guy who has managed to survive in test cricket as long as he has, you probably don’t need to mouth off when he doesn’t pick your flipper or wrong’un.

Hogg was running down the pitch after every slightly miss timed shot, play and miss, or anytime when the batsmen looked slightly uncomfortable, like a crazed postal worker.

He was like an unfunny version of Andre Nel, and who needs that.

I’m all for sledging, but running down the wicket and yelling at someone in a humourless way is just boring.

The Hogg Vs Ganguly war so far in the series has me confused. On one hand, I’m happy that Ganguly hasn’t made a century, but on the other hand, I’m angry that Hogg keeps getting him out.

How can I hate Hogg if he continues to get Ganguly out?

It may haunt me for years to come.

Ganguly on current form should make a hundred in perth, he won’t ,cause its quick and bouncy, but he’s seeing the ball well, and should have made at least one hundred in this series already.

And Hogg, well he will be suspended by the selectors for this test, cause he aint Tait, but he will probably come back in for Johnson in Adelaide, and my mind will be in a state of confusion again.

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test match tiddlywinks


Some times I wonder why cricket needs its Administracrats.

Surely a trained monkey (non racist monkey reference) with a crayon could make fewer errors.

But then they say something that makes me sit up and listen.

“Test cricket is what is being played, it is not tiddlywinks.”

Says head Cricket Australian Administracrat James “I was never much chop as a bowler” Sutherland.

Brilliant observation, tiddlywinks is an indoor game played with sets of small discs called “winks” lying on a surface, usually a flat mat. Players use a larger disc called a “squidger” to pop a wink into flight by pressing down on one side of the wink. The objective of the game is to cause the winks to land either on top of opponents’ winks, or ultimately inside a pot or cup.

The main point of difference I can see between cricket and Tiddlywinks is that it’s not played over 5 days.

The North American Tiddlywinks Association have hired slander experts to see if James Sutherland was attacking their great game by mentioning it in the same sentence as cricket.

However Rick(y) & Anil have played tiddlywinks before, it ended up in controversy at a hotel in Jamaica. Anil suggested Rick(y) had played an illegal flop womp move and accused him of not playing in the spirit of the winks. He demanded that the concierge come in and sort the mess out. Rick(y) got very defensive and suggested that his flop womp was not in question and smacked the concierge with a chair for questioning him about it, or any sneaky carnovsky plays from earlier in the game.

Hitting someone with a chair in Tiddlywinks is called a Boondock and gets you three squops.

A tremendous brouhaha ensued.

And for those who think I made up all these words and are questioning my integrity, visit Tiddlywinks wiki page if you don’t believe me.

Also, If you are questioning my integrity, then you should not be here, someone hand me a chair so I can smack you upside your head, you dirty integrity doubter.

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anil’s comments

Anil’s comments seemed odd to me.

But if the game was a draw and Bhajji and Roy weren’t at war, we probably would have forgotten them already.

Some of his appeals off his own bowling were horrible, in this very match.

He appeals for LB’s that wouldn’t hit over sized novelty stumps.

What bowler doesn’t?

His team mate Sehwag was once suspended for excessive appealing, possibly the worst decision i can remember.

A bowler or fielders job is to appeal when they think there is a chance of a wicket.

And so they should, cause their jobs as bowlers or fielders is to ask the umpire if the batsmen is out.

You hear a noise, you appeal, you hit a pad, you appeal.

Your at square leg and your bowler hits the pads, everyone appeals, you join in.

No bowler only appeals for balls he knows are out. Sometimes we appeal for balls we know aren’t out, just to put pressure on the batsmen, sometimes we do it to work on the umpire for the one that is out.

It’s not in the spirit of the game, but all nationalities of cricketers do this.

Australia put a lot of pressure on the umpires yesterday, no more than I have seen in Lahore or Mumbai.

Michael Clarke didn’t walk when he got caught at slip. Probably cause Australians don’t walk. I saw a guy get bowled one day and stood his ground.

Batsmens Job, batting.

Bowlers job, bowling.

Umpirs job, making decisions.

Harbhajan did something that Roy didn’t like, and something followed, of which I am sure Roy will spin and Harbhajan will spin.

So far Harbhajan hasn’t spun it well.

South Africa let a batsman use a runner, even though they were planning on making him bowl the same day. He did bowl, he bowled quite a few overs. How can you be fit enough to bowl, but not run.

Some people will call that cheating, others weak officialling, i call it the way South Africa play their cricket.

Arjuna used to call for a runner cause he was fat.

There isn’t a test team that hasn’t tested the rules.

I hear a lot about the spirit of the game, I’m not even sure what it means anymore.

I do know this.

Bowlers and fielders have always appealed for balls they are not sure about.

Australians generally don’t walk.

And cricketers have disagreements on the field.

These days if your Indian or Australian and you fart it makes international head lines.

Anil is a legend of cricket, but there is no doubt he goes about his cricket in a different way to Australia.

He is a very intelligent guy, so why would he go into honesty pacts with Australians.

I wouldn’t trust my mum in backyard cricket, especially with catches.

My problem is with the hypocritical nature of Australians wanting people to trust us on certain things and not on others.

But thats my next post.

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Is Steve Roy’s daddy


Australia lead 2 nil.

No amount of histrionics will change that.

India can rightfully think they were hard done by.

But will it change the score line?

If India get too caught up in this they will lose the series 4 nil. They got shafted, it has happened to all sporting teams in the world. This one was pretty full on, no doubt, but sh1t happens.

India are the closest team on pure ability to Australia, but if they think they lost just cause of umpiring decisions they would be making a huge mistake.

Blaming the umpires sells a lot of papers, but it doesn’t win you the next test, and that is all India can do.

You don’t win respect in the media, you win it on the turf.

India should look at this game critically, because they made mistakes, mistakes you can’t afford against Australia.

Roy should have been given out, but India’s mistake was letting a batsmen of Brad Hogg’s ability take the momentum away from them.

They bowled horribly to him, and he turned around the innings.

In their innings Sachin played a brilliant innings, but his work with the tailenders was defensive and looked selfish.

I’m not saying it was selfish, but when you are that on top of a team as India was, your champion batsmen not out, and batting with below par batsmen surely he should take over and guide the game, not let the tail enders flow along until the inevitably go out.

Indias bowling in the second innings, Harbhajan aside, wasn’t of a great standard. Anil was horrible, worse than I have ever seen him before.

But now they know they can make Australia bleed.

Mind you a wounded beast gets even angrier.

Now the test is over, Steve’s umpiring career is also over. His umpiring is about 5 years past its use by date.

At his prime he was a damn good umpire, but Elvis got fat and Steve got deaf and blind.

These things happen.

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