Previously at the Ashes

“We were unlucky” “No, you batted like shit and you couldn’t get fucken Monty out”

“I took a hat trick we will win these Ashes” “1/517, fuck.” “517/1, ROFL”.

“Yes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no”. “Is this what I think it is” “Yes, these are all that is left of Xavier Doherty”. “Why the fuck doesn’t he sweat?”

“Um, well, you see, I don’t really know what I am doing, so when I was completely awesome and cut your throat out, it was largely by accident. It won’t happen again, probably“

“Don’t drive on the first day in Melbourne.” “Don’t drive the entire team bus off the cliff on the first day at Melbourne.” “We will do the sprinkler on your corpse”.

“Usman, usman, usman, THIRTYSEVEN. My Usman sucked 37 runs”. “Arise, Pup, our tomatoes are ready”.

“Back to back, bitches.”

“We are so great, we are so great, holy fuck, what the hell is a Saeed Ajmal”

“OMGodponies, we’re gonna beat the Saffas, yes we are, we are awes… Oh no, get it off me, it hurts, it hurts, IT’s KILLING ME”.

“Hey KP, have you met Ashton?”.