a movie about a crab

I’m a long way from finishing my first film.

But I think I’ve got my second one all set.

The good news is that it’s not going to take long to edit.  The bad news is that it will take a long time to watch.

The film is a complete unedited split screen (from the side and straight on) of Shivnarine Chanderpaul recounting every Test run he has scored.

There will be no sound track, animation or montages, just Shiv’s face close to yours as he takes you through every single run.


According to the far more stylish than Shiv, Ceci Masters, the poster would look like this.

Shiv has always been a weird one for me.

Partly because I automatically want to spell his name Chandrepaul, then I’d get confused as to whether it was re or er.  Then I started calling him Shiv.

I’ve never really warmed to Shiv.

Shiv wears tape on his face, the cramping, or the fact he hasn’t moved himself up the order despite the West Indies top four often consisting of 3 rubber chickens and a groundsman who brought whites to the ground.

I admire him, because he has made 10,000 Test runs, and that’s no trip to Cleveland.

It doesn’t mean I have to like him.

The tension between us could even make this film better.

“So Shiv, tell us about the gritty 2057th run you took at the Basin”

“I’ve got 10,ooo Test runs you passive aggressive Stinkey Beetie, but I remember that one well. Nathan Astle was bowling around the wicket, and he got it a bit too straight, not straight strait, but leg straight, and I closed the face and turned it for one, Phil Simmons wanted two, but there was only one and it was the last ball of the over”.


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8 thoughts on “a movie about a crab

  1. coachie ballgames says:

    genius. as usual.

  2. Supratim says:

    It was the last ball of the over :D

  3. spot on – those horrible stickers…if I watch him, I want to moisten my hankie and scrub his face clean.

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  5. jogesh99 says:

    Lay off Kimber, or he might decide to get 10,000 more – in nudgles.

    You’d have your much awaited sequel then.

  6. sahith says:

    i appreciate

  7. In fairness to Shiv, any bloke who can get away with advertising something that is practically unreadable for as long as he has deserves our respect. Does anybody actually know what it is he advertises?

  8. Chris says:

    Very good, no denying Shivs talent at the crease though.

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