Warner is a bear, dog and caveman

It would be easy to say that David Warner was a bear who saw a small dog get run over and then went about eating it in an exaggerated manner by the side of the road as cars roared past.

But this innings was more than that, even though it was exactly that.

David Warner didn’t just go out there and get his slog on.  He started with sensible shots, worked the ball into gaps, but away the bad balls and then bitch slapped Vinay Kumar the way the rappers talk about doing it.

Warner used thuggish brutality and batting smarts.

It was a top Test attacking innings by a guy who smashes the fuck out of the ball in T20.

It wasn’t Warner’s fault he was playing against a team drawn by unimaginative children.

All Warner did was what any good attacking Test batsman would do, he sensed the opposition were shithouse, and he beat the living fuck out of them.

Sure, he did it with lofted drives, risky pulls and a sweep through mid off, but that’s the tools he has.

He’s not a batting artist; he’s a batting Neanderthal.

Today he clubbed India on the head and dragged it back to his cave for some non-consensual loving, cave man style.

This innings was smackdown.

I mean there was even the moment where his cockiness meant he got hit in the head, but it was all for show, because there is no single substance harder than Warner’s head.

They probably spent most of that delay trying to find a new ball.

I think if I had a dog that was a bit unruly and likely to bite random strangers, I’d name it Warner.

I’d love that dog right up until the government made me put it down.

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9 thoughts on “Warner is a bear, dog and caveman

  1. MJ says:

    I don’t know why this type of honesty won’t be in The Australian or Perth Bugle tomorrow morning.

    Admittedly it doesn’t make you feel like you were there. What it does do it make it sound like you are being told what happened by someone who was there…and maybe makes expect them to say “your shout” when his finished.

    It will be hard to find a better description of Warner’s innings to read over your cornflakes in the morning.

  2. Nick says:

    Warner is the next M. Hayden? Jrod?

  3. Brian Dennehy says:

    A real disappointment for me is that given that the Indians still really struggle to have a good pace attack, they don’t seem to have world class spinners either.
    It seems more like the bowlers getting into the test team, with one or two exceptions, are the kind of trundlers best suited to keeping the runs down in one-day matches.

  4. Boops says:

    I get what you’re saying, but… rape jokes? Why?

    • Jrod says:

      Boops, Well what did you think cave men do when they knocked a woman on the head and took them back to the cave, gave her a foot rub?

  5. He played like as if he was playing in 20-20 format

  6. jogesh99 says:

    What do you get when you mate hayden and langer?

  7. MartDawg says:

    This kind of write up is why we come here, rape jokes and all. Cracking stuff, I didn’t see Warner’s knock but I feel like I understand it now.

  8. Cricket Duck says:

    lol … made my day …thanks

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