Wannabe writer gets Test nod: The Eddie Cowan story

There are several reasons you should be willing to sexually please John Inverarity for picking Smooth Eddie Cowan. These are mine.

like you

Eddie Cowan is just like you.

No, you’re probably not an overly hairy stoic opening batsman who plays the moving ball better than anyone else in your country while writing every detail of your life into a cricket diary.

But you read cricket with balls.

So does Eddie.

It goes further, because if you comment on cricket with balls, so has Eddie. He uses an equally stupid id that has nothing to do with his real name when he is annoyed with me, or has something that he thinks is humourous, he puts in in the comments.

It doesn’t stand out as brilliant or written in iambic pentameter, it’s just a decent comment.

cricket with balls’ own

We claimed Eddie Cowan before most cricket pundits had noticed he’d changed states.

There were many factors. One was Eddie seemed like a regular human being and not a cricketer, he had a sense of humour, could write a tweet (or comment) and could bat the shit out of the moving ball.

So we anointed him as the third ever cricket with balls’ own, the first being cricket with balls’ Bryce McGain, who we then got a Test cap for, and then cricket with balls’ Holly Colvin, who already had a test cap, but we once let her pick the chicken wing in a buffet we really wanted to eat.

Basically, being cricket with balls’ own is a good thing, and even though Eddie flatly refuses to refer to himself this way, although it’s never too late, Ed, we know it’s this early stamp of approval which has done wonders for this often insecure nerdy athlete.


Lots of cricketers have books out.  Some of these cricketers have read their books, but precious few write them.  Eddie wrote his.

I know this, because I offered to write it for him, but he said he could do a better job.

Now, obviously he couldn’t, but that sort of confidence is why he is playing for his country on boxing day.

Eddie’s book is pretty fucken good, but he can and will do better.  Eddie will read this last line as me putting down his book.


When I asked Eddie to do my podcast he said sure, but make sure I don’t get myself in trouble.

I then set him up to get in trouble.

It’s a sordid tale that involves a former NSP employee who often walks into changeroom giving unsolicited advice, who at that time was just a weirdo with no real job and bizarre theories about how he could make Sachin Tendulkar better.

I left it in the podcast because it was funny, and made this other man look like a buffoon.

Although Eddie and I weren’t laughing when this guy was given a made up job and a position on the NSP, which directly correlated with Eddie not being selected for an A tour.

I deleted that podcast, perhaps the only post of any kind ever deleted for editorial content on this site.

I did it because I wanted him to play for Australia, and a podcast of him mocking a selector may not help that.


For every Virender Sehwag, there has to be an Ed Cowan.

Virender Sehwag bats the way gods should do it.

Ed Cowan bats the mortals do on their best days.

He’s not often pretty, and his back lift is probably an obscene gesture in some cultures. But he really tries.

On and off the field. His book is an insight of just how mental he is about batting and getting the most out of himself.

People like this are great drinking partners, in a whiskey on the balcony at midnight kind of way, but they often get in their own wy when it matters most.

Eddie, did not.

His batting was on top form when there was a spot on offer, and with Australia treating the moving ball like that beach ball from Dark Star, they needed him now more than ever.

fitting in

Cricketers are supposed to play call of duty and like Bon Jovi.

They aren’t supposed to study fianance, sit in the coern and write diaries and appear on extremely non-approved cricket sites.

If Eddie were in a war film, he’d be the one who doesn’t just jump over the hill, but who wears a peace symbol on his helmet while jumping over the hill and giving an inner monologue about the exact nature of war and men.

He’s not a cookie cutter guy, he’s not the normal athlete, he’s something else, and that should be applauded because if those of us on this site can’t appreciate Eddie Cowan for being an intense intelligent blocking machine, who can?

Celebrate this decision because someone like us, but with actual hand eye co-ordination and decent knowledge of nutritional requirements, made it to the place we all want to be.

Even if I didn’t know Eddie at all, I’d feel a kind of 5% of fucked up weird shit bond with him.  I don’t think I’m the only one, either.  He’s a cunt and good bloke, a smart ass and an asshole, a thinker and a wanker, the sort of cricketer you take home to mum and get drunk with while arguining and politics and the matrix.

As Hank once said “animals never worry about Heaven or Hell. neither do I. maybe that’s why we get along”.

Eddie, you hairy little fucker, I salute you.

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17 thoughts on “Wannabe writer gets Test nod: The Eddie Cowan story

  1. Henry says:

    I went to school with Ed. He was 12, I was 11, and we both played in the first XI together and sang side by side in the school choir. He out-batted me for sure but I had him covered in the singing department. He was a far more elegant batsman back then and accused me of being a pie chucker during one net session. Thankfully, our Coach Mr Crompton was a far better judge of talent. Had me down as the number 1 spinner!

  2. Peter Della Penna says:

    Bring back the missing Ed Cowan podcast. You know you want to.

  3. MP says:

    What’s it with hair and tasmanian batsmen?

  4. My brush with Ed came of Day 3 of a Shield game v Qld at the SCG in 2008-09. On the way back out after tea, he singled me out and gave my feeble attempt at a Movember moustache a compliment. He made 21 from 98 balls that day. Good on him!

  5. smudgeon says:

    No you’re not, Prongle. I’m Ed Cowan and so is my wife.

    So please to see that he’s almost certainly 100% almost likely to be playing (or not) on Boxing Day. He’s earned his spot through some very good recent performances. You can’t ask for more, really.

    BTW, I would have left Holly have the whole damn buffet.

  6. Henry says:

    Smudgeon, I assume you are the same Smudgeon who gets a shit load of his comments published on cricinfo’s live coverage? Do you just bombard them with your stuff? Or do you actually post really, really good, publishable comments everytime?

  7. crownish says:

    Twas Charles Bukowski who said that. Nice quote nonetheless and congratulations Eddie Cowan, your’s will be the one Aussie wicket I wish doesn’t fall too soon.

  8. rustyintheuk says:

    Great article JRod – your stuff just keeps getting better and better!

    Best of luck to Ed – am really looking forward to staying up late and watching him open up on Christmas night/Boxing day.

  9. Alvaro says:

    I still think he sounds like a Michael Clarke whose balls have actually dropped. Hope he scores an A. Cook-style 294 with one fewer boundaries.
    I also hope he doesn’t ever mention executing skills within coughing distance of a tv camera.

  10. Snick thru Slips says:

    Edddie’s selection is a radical new idea. Picking somebody inform and at the height of his powers….Incredible what will they think of next.

    My favourite Ed Cowan recollection is him dropping a catch at the WACA in a 50/50 game and WA going to win.

    Being a fair & just sports fan we and my drunken mates sledged him unmercifully. He didn’t jump the fence & punch us out which would have been perfectly understandable which showed great restraint. Either that or he couldn’t understand us because we slurred so much!

    Great selection and I agree he’s a character cricketer ( even if he does come from NSW) & I have watched him for years build his game.

    I reckon he’ll do great and look forward to him having a very successful career because he deserves it and Australia needs it

  11. Good to see a tough as nails left hander being given the Opener’s spot. With Warner, they can do a decent imitation of Haydos and Langer. Without the bromance.

  12. […] Here is a fun article on Mr. Cowan from Mr. Cricket With Balls. […]

  13. steve says:

    What I like about him, is that this boy thinks. He is articulate and non-generic, and tells it honestly and without usual blah blah. Only other cricketer like that is Katich, so I hope Eddie doesn’t go the same way.

    No manscaping either – thumbs up!

  14. hi says:

    can you put your twitter feed on the side?

  15. jogesh99 says:

    so Day 1 ends – enthralling as only two once-great teams can make it.

    techno morons, feed on this: hot spot din’t get the cowan nick which was obvious, and it dint get the hussey nick which wasn’t at all obvious. so had hussey gone for the review, hot spot would have supported his claim – but should one be trusting it, since it doesn’t catch the genuine nicks either.
    its great evidence when you middle the ball though.

    some asides:
    ponting should be put down like all good thoroughbreds are. it was quite embarrassing to watch even for me, and i quite dislike the guy.
    cowan leaves beautifully – reminiscent of gavaskar.

  16. […] of all, Ed Cowan comes into the side (or “Cricket With Balls’ own Eddie Cowan” as Jarrod would have us refer to him). He replaces Phillip Hughes, meaning Australia have […]

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