Dreaming of Sehwagology

I hadn’t slept in 36 hours. My body was acting independent of my mind, which in turn was discovering new colours as the alcohol in my system swam around unprocessed.

I was perfectly set up to hallucinate.

But I didn’t.

Virender Sehwag, our glorious leader, prophet and opening batsman, made sure I didn’t need too.

A square drive went off the middle of the bat to the rope even though there was no obvious middle that you could see.

A pull shot off a length that just disappeared from view.

A cover drive that seemed to have been a last minute thought that no West Indian seemed to see.

It was a living dream, it was floating around me, Natalie was his batting partner who was getting singles to get off strike, the O’Death’s fiddle player was umpiring and the commentators were Victor Mancini  and Luke Rhinehart.

In your mind, it was all different I am sure.

That’s the magic of Sehwag, we all see it different even we when all see it the same.

And his collection of Sehwag smiles, could light up Chicago, or burn down Adelaide.

Oh, how he smiled.

We all smiled.

Anyone who saw that innings put down the razor, hid the rat poison, and put the handbrake on.

If you were in the middle of wiping out a small ethic group, you’d let them hug their children by dipping them in lye.

Serial killers carved smiley faces, similar to that cheeky grin that Sehwag had, into the corpses of their latest conquest.

And, it was only an ODI.

Generally, Sehwagology doesn’t really change the world for a limited overs match.

That said, Sehwagology is not just a Sunday only service.

The man preaches when he wants, and even if you aren’t ready, don’t want to hear it, or are busy, it still gets to you.

It’s sehwagology, bitches.

Take it, rub it on your body, make love to the world.

Do it with a smile. Several smiles.

Choose Sehwagology.

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24 thoughts on “Dreaming of Sehwagology

  1. 8th December Silk Shewag’s Day!

    Best tribute to Magical Jim Morrison & John Lennon. FTW Whattey fun!

  2. What an uplifting message.

    “Take it, rub it on your body, make love to the world.”

    I feel all warm and aroused.

  3. Matt says:

    I tuned in when his innings turned 137. I watched, but it didnt really do anything for me… Maybe I am a fallen Angel

  4. Warlock says:

    Thou shalt fear the elderly Sehwag and his tight glutes.

  5. Nick says:

    all im gonna say is, FLAT TRACK BULLY. Lets see wht he does in Aus.

    • Jack says:

      Mate, flat-track-bully he is. Except for the small mater of a 195 in Tests, against Steve Waugh’s mighty Test team in 2003, in Australia.

      • NJ says:

        Not to mention the 151 in Adelaide 2008, when no other Indian batsman passed 20 in the second innings.

      • k says:

        Sehwag’s record against Australia is quite good, but that is partially true because Australia has over the years tamed its pitches somewhat. Sehwag in England or New Zealand or South Africa – which is a better test against good pace bowling – is very ordinary.

  6. Matt says:

    True, but didnt Phil DeFreitas score a high 90 once. I dont agree that Sehwag is a flat track bully. He’s amd awesome batsmat and I love watching him in the longer formatnBut I watched half his last odi inning and that was a flat track and a pretty boring innings I thought.

  7. Alex says:

    Jrod Have you thought about adopting the Scientology route and charging for membership of the church of Sehwagology, cause i’d fuckin sign up for 20 quid and a certificate.

  8. Matt says:

    Dude is an awesome batsmam, but that imnings was flat track amd boring. For 20quid u can buy a lot of blunts n maybe a 6 pack of newcy brown.

  9. Rajesh T says:

    Brilliant. Uncle Jarrod, you are my religious master, I bow down to you. I always wait for Sehwag to score big so that the greatest apostle can deliver his message to the world again on his blog. And just when I think that you may have run out of superlatives for Virender, you take his church to a newer height.

  10. Ad says:

    Was this u jarrod? Very nice. Good punctuation etc :-P. How do i post this??

  11. Sean says:

    I enjoyed the celebratory dismissal of flower bearer – next time someone sprints towards me clutching a piously prepared clutch of carnations Sehwag has taught me what to do.

  12. ZJay says:

    @Jrod – *ethnic
    Cannot have spelling errors when writing about Sehwag, now can we.

  13. […] bases. There have been skeptics and worshipers aplenty  And I suggest you read them instead. Jarrod on Sehwag, for instance, is a good place to […]

  14. Uday says:

    Agreed that it was a flat track against crappy bowling. But if given those conditions, you bully someone to the tune of 219, thats gotta count for something. That was a hell of a bullying

  15. Andre Russell looked very sad. Sammy somehow kept smiling

  16. Nithin says:

    crappy bowling? how did sachin scored 200 against South African attack?

    Its only aided by flat pitches.

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