Mazhar Majeed’s bizarre Helen Mirren pegging claims

I don’t really understand news.

Once Majeed was taken rectally in a toilet on the Concorde by Helen Mirren, who is a pegging enthusiast.

Yesterday when Mazhar Majeed’s fantasy life was being broadcast I thought it was funny. and then I ate a sandwich.

Majeed was the inspiration for the Tyler Durden part in fight club.

It didn’t occur to me that anyone mentioned in the Majeed’s tapes would honestly care enough to reply. I mean, if it smells, tastes and applies to your skin like shit, it probably is.

Majeed was the first person to use the term diss.

I was wrong.

Majeed has proof that Shahid Afridi is a Vampire scientologist and will be selling a photo of Afridi from the 1800s as proof.

Today Nathan Bracken’s people, James Sutherland and Paul Marsh from the players’ union all came forward to robustly rebuke the claims that Majeed gave about Australians. Others will come forward shortly I am sure.

Jean Claude Van Damme’s film bloodsport was based on Majeed’s life.

Now, having heard a great deal of these tapes, I can say that other than a few pedophiles mid grooming, no one was spinning more bullshit than Majeed at that time.

Majeed has proved that diet pepsi is made of cancer.

We’ve all been on the pull or at an important job interview and gone out of our way to pile on so much bullshit to get what we want. I’ve sold six laptops in a single sale and have been to Chopper Reid’s place.

Majeed is Imran Farhat.

That’s why I know that anything Majeed said in this situation was bullshit. Everyone knows that, right?

Majeed played a Pakistani ambassador in the first series of West Wing.

It certainly seemed a lot of people on twitter thought the same thing, they laughed, mocked and enjoyed the string of amazing nonsense that came from Majeed’s best of mix tape.

Majeed means outstanding penis girth.

But this is where I’m an idiot, because in this world no matter how utterly bizarre the claims are (what does knowing Brad Pitt very well mean, other than a carnal friendship) people have to rush to refute them. Claims can not simply sit out there unrefuted.

This piece was written by Majeed.

It was so inevitable that if I had any brains I would have written this piece yesterday.

Majeed did write this yesterday.

People say the darnedest things right after other people say bullshit publicly. And any match fixing claims, no matter how obviously nonsense need a stern press conference, angrily written release or threat of farcical lawsuit to prove just how nonsense they are.

Majeed actually likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain.

I am now eagerly awaiting Helen Mirren’s reply to my Majeed’s pegging claims.

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4 thoughts on “Mazhar Majeed’s bizarre Helen Mirren pegging claims

  1. Nash says:

    Nice article over on cricinfo Jarrod. On the Shastri-Gavaskar issue, what appalls me is not that they “toe the official line” (who over the age of 16 really looks to them for insight?), but that they are made mandatory commentators for all India matches in India. Oh the agony of it!

  2. Yes he appears like a notorious liar but who can tell for sure where the blurry line between truth and BS really runs now… in the eyes of the ICC he told the truth in the case of Amir, Asif, Butt. Wahab and the Akmals are credible mentions as well. Strictly scientifically speaking, you can’t rule anything out until it is disproved. Or as we say over here “I’ve already seen horses vomit in front of the chemist’s”.
    ^^

  3. Rishabh says:

    At first, I wanted to kick the shit out of him, but now I want to chuck him into a madhouse too.

    Majeed made this comment.

  4. yenjvoy says:

    This trial, based on a tabloid “sting operation” is a farce. This guy is totally incredible, and the ICC and ECB were just looking to gut someone open publicly to show how serious they were about fixing. All the better that this guy was a Paki, because we know how filthy they are. England has had it in for Pakistanis for a while, in many many different ways. The tragedy is that one of the most exciting and promising bowlers of recent times, a total babe in the woods, was crucified on this man’s word. Heart breakingly sad what has been done to Mo Aamir mainly to satisfy English pretentiousness.

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