Is Troy Cooley M. Yass?

Troy Cooley has been named as the interim head coach of Australia while Greg Chappell gets his resume in order.

It’s hard to warm to this news, it’s like finding out that a band who’s first album was kinda ok is making a come back by playing their greatest hits in your kitchen.

In my self acclaimed new book ‘Australian Autopsy‘ I posed the question of whether Mitchell Johnson actually exists, or whether he is just a construct of Troy Cooley.

It made sense at the time. Now I realise that I might have got this all wrong.

It’s more possible that Troy Cooley is the myth.

A administracratic fudge that has never been correctly audited.

This is where we need Alex Gibney and a documentary crew, because, what does anyone know about him?

They say he played first class cricket for Tasmania, but no one watches first class cricket in Tasmania, only %30 of shidl fans know they are one of the six sides.

I mean if you are going to invent a first class cricketer, Derbyshire, Otago, Leeward Islands and Tasmania are surely safest options.

Even his numbers for Tasmania don’t add up.  33 first class matches with a bowling average of 61 and a batting average of 9.  Surely no one would continue to pick someone with those figures.  What is more likely, the selectors kept picking him, or when putting in a fake record some administracrat put in wrong numbers?

Then his List A are  4 matches with a bowling average of 21. Come 0n, this isn’t even pretending to be real.

They say he coached the England bowlers in the 2005 Ashes. There are photos of a man with the team, but if no one ever saw Troy Cooley before that, how would they know if it was Troy Cooley.  There was occasionally a picture of a tall man taken during that time.

That series led to him be lauded as the best bowling coach on earth. But the ECB didn’t offer him an extension of his contract, or any contract from what I can tell, and he just left.

I mean if this really was the bowling supercoach, why would he just be allowed to leave o easily? It doesn’t add up.

Then “Cooley” turns up in Australia. The man in the photo pays a passing resemblance to the other Cooley, but if I took 12 random men off the street and put Cooley in the middle of them, would anyone know which one was Cooley?

No.

So photos and first class record don’t prove that Cooley is a real being.

What else can? Surely not Mitchell Johnson’s record or Kabbir Ali’s career.

There is no way to prove that Cooley is real or not.

But then, how did Cooley come into the cricket world you lazily whine.

Easy. You can imagine some Tasmanian official thinking, “We need to make cut backs. We don’t really need a bowling coach, do we? I can’t leave the box blank, because then people will question it. Troy Cooley, that sounds real.”

Suddenly Troy Cooley is real. And everyone time a cricket photographer has a unidentified tall man in their frame, they either cut him out or say it’s Troy Cooley.

If it is possible that Troy Cooley was an average bowler turned handy bowling coach, coached one amazing attack, confused some bowlers, struggled with a mediocre attack and then became a head national coach on a temporary basis, isn’t it also possible that Troy Cooley is not a real man but just a name that people keep writing in empty boxes.

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13 thoughts on “Is Troy Cooley M. Yass?

  1. yenjvoy says:

    Entirely plausible. For example, who knew Shivlal Yadav really existed until he was appointed one of the Indian team selectors. Occasionally we would see a man with a pock marked face on the fringes of Indian cricket, but Small Pox was so prevalent in some parts of India in the 50s and 60s that it could be just about anybody. I feel that Om Puri, the actor with the famously pock marked face, had a moonlighting career as a very mildly able cricketer turned administrator/commentator and his nom de guerre was Shivlal Yadav.

  2. Lolly says:

    Michael Clarke created him all those years ago for exactly this moment. So that when Aus cricket was at its most vulnerable, he could have TOTAL CONTROL of the national team. Mwha,ha,ha,ha, haaaaa..

  3. poopsie says:

    Perhaps Cooley doesn’t exist, but his boyfriend does

  4. jogesh99 says:

    Its the Saddam Hussain/Osama Bin double, who’s currently out of a job.
    Maybe a similar betrayal took out the real McTroy.

  5. Hewy says:

    Troy Cooley clearly exists. He can be seen on numerous Tescos CCTV footage circa 2005 buying bulk packs of Murray Mints as part of his old ECB bowling coaching duties.

  6. Russ says:

    Troy Cooley is the invented pseudonym of Greg Campbell and Chris Matthews, who both leveraged their way into the test team by listing weaker performances (Alan Smithee-like) down under Cooley’s name. As noone was actually watching Tasmanian games, or knew them from a bar of soap, it worked, and they were selected purely on their massaged stats before being found lacking and dropped. Years later, not wanting to upset his nephew, Campbell used the pseudonym while coaching England to victory in 2005. Subsequently pursued by Australia, Campbell paid off a tall, non-cricketer to assume the identity and pretend to coach the Australians for the next 5 years. Campbell himself continues to coach England in the background, with noone the wiser.

  7. So you’re saying that he is Australia’s version of Adrian Shankar?

  8. diog says:

    I feel that Murray Bennett must be there in the mix somehow – the guy who was somehow invisible even when on the field and bowling. Can anyone remember Murray Bennett bowling, batting, eating, breathing?

  9. Hijacking this thread because I’m desperate. Actually, not hijacking, just interrupting.

    I’m in Mumbai and want to get tickets for India v England. Anyone know how?
    Been down to the Wankhede: “check the internet”.
    Checked the internet quite a lot: No joy.
    Called and mailed the MCA and BCCI: hung up on and not replied to.

    Is there a moment when tickets will suddenly be available? Can anyone help

    Yours in the parched lands

    Mufti

  10. @Mufti
    Usually, the stadium will start selling the tickets a week before the game..you can try your luck then…

  11. short and sweet @Tracer – ta

  12. Matt says:

    i believe murray bennet is a clone of gordon bennet. Crickey

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