explaining the west indies squad

Annoyed by the fact that the West Indies have to tour England in Winter for a T20 TV contract series, the West Indies selectors have made up cricketers that will be touring.

These players don’t exist, and there will be no tour, it’s just a trick so that by the time Sky notice it will be too late and they’ll be forced to call off the whole thing.

It’s a genius move by the WICB, who are not known for genius, or even moderate intelligence.

To make it feel more real, they have even thrown in a few real names like DJ Sammy, Marlon Samuels, CWB’s Andrew Russell and Dwayne Smith.

But most of this squad is clearly made up names.

For instance, Nkruma Bonner might be listed as a leg spinner, but Nkruma was the code name for a Kazakhstan oil refinery, and Bonner is an American oil company.

It  goes on.

Johnson Charles was the name of the alter ego of Perry Mason in the first pornographic lawyer flicks.

It’s also quite obvious that Miles Bascombe is a paid for advertisement of the Bascombe road works company.

Derwin Christian was the original suspect in the assassination of Tupac.

Krishmar Santokie; a prototype Indian/Japanese whisky.

Ashley Nurse is a unimaginative stripper name.

The Danza Hyatt is the latest theme hotel in Vegas, based on legendary who’s the boss star Tony Danza.

And Christopher Barnwell was the original name of Winnie the Pooh’s lover.

Originally in the squad were Nixon McClean and Chadwick Walton, but on further inspection both were names of real cricketers.

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2 thoughts on “explaining the west indies squad

  1. Heiku says:

    Thanks. It all makes sense now.

  2. yenjvoy says:

    WICB needs to realize that if you are going to have Cricketers with names like Clive Hubert, Isaac Vivian Alexander, Cuthbert Gordon, Wesley Winfield, Garfield StAubrun, Clyde Leopold, Lancelot Richard and Frank Mortimer Maglinne, they better be bloody fucking good to shut everyone up, or they will be teased mercilessly like any other kid in school with a funny sounding name. If you have cricketers with the limited ability of today’s West Indies team, better to just rename them all John. John Barath, John Bravo, John Roach, John Taylor, captained by John Sammy. Simple.

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