why wouldn’t you use vaseline, or cat vomit, to make more runs?

No, not like that.

And now it looks like VVS Laxman didn’t use vaseline on his bat.

But, why wouldn’t he?

If the players have known now for a few years that hotspot can be tricked with vaseline, special stickers and with random fluids, you’d think they are exploiting it.

It’s not against the laws of cricket or any ICC playing conditions that I can find.

It’s just using whatever advantage you can to stay out there, which is your job.

I mean this didn’t just happen, there have been whispers for years that you can trick hotspot. And these are the same batsmen who pretend that they aren’t out by shuffling their pads outside the line and not walking, if it’s as simple as vaseline on the edges before going out to bat, why not. Vaseline is not that hard to find, in most hotels if you ring down for it the concierge sends it up no questions asked.

If I was an international batsman and someone told me that it was within the laws and regulations to use cat vomit up the side of my bat, even if it only gave me a 0.001% chance of not being given out, I’d pay some crazy cat lady to follow me on tour and then every morning I would squeeze fresh vomit from a cat.

I might even do it if it was against the laws, but I figure the cat sick might be easy to smell and would stain the bat.

One thing I wouldn’t do is miss any chance I could to make myself more runs.

We spend so much time in cricket complaining about things we find morally wrong even if they don’t break any laws, VVS isn’t the first batsman that may have edged behind only for hotspot not too work.

Hotspot doesn’t even always need to be cheated, sometimes it doesn’t work because of angles, and sometimes it just doesn’t work. It’s a TV gimmick, not an infallible detection method. And sometimes that noise isn’t the bat on ball.

That said, if we could bring in a playing condition to ban vaseline from the edges of bats, it would be cool to see umpires sniffing the bat of the new batsman as he comes out.

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31 thoughts on “why wouldn’t you use vaseline, or cat vomit, to make more runs?

  1. wilsonzenith says:

    Not against any laws of the game? I would have thought it’s very clearly against the spirit of the game, and more specifically against paragraph 5 of the pre-amble to the laws of the game.

    ‘5. It is against the spirit of the game…To indulge in cheating or any sharp practice…’

    See: http://www.lords.org/laws-and-spirit/laws-of-cricket/preamble-to-the-laws,475,AR.html

  2. wilsonzenith says:

    …also see Law 42, which empowers the umpire to take action where there is a breach of the spirit of the game not specifically covered by any of the laws.

    • jrod says:

      Wilson, come on, you’re coming at me with the spirit of the game, cricket’s largest bullshit masturbation?

  3. George says:

    wow, the whiteboy wankers in here arent questioning whether laxman applied vaseline on his bat – they are sure he did.
    instead the debate is if thats legal/moral. simply awesome.

    long live the white elitist. jarrod, you fucking racing cutlet. you are one smart cunt. dont try selling me your pretense.

    where have the DRS boy bands disappeared?

    The DRS is shit. The poms are the new the new ozzies – read as cheats, they need the supplement to win. And your not number 1 until you win a test match in India – note, I did not say test series, I sadi a test.

    Talk about complex and insecurity! What a bunch of wanlers

    • jrod says:

      George, actually no white boy wankers, or wankers of any skin colour, have said “in here” that VVS used vaseline.

  4. wilsonzenith says:

    George’s prose bears more than a passing resemblance to the tool who’s been trolling Michael Vaughan on Twitter this morning. I think we should be told.

  5. raj says:

    Maybe the NOTW should bribe some attender or tap hotel telephones to find if Laxman asked for Vaseline from housekeeping…oh!

  6. George says:

    stop bullshitting jarrod, you’re pretty good at mincing words of course.

  7. George says:

    and btw, what just happened with dhoni recalling bell is in stark contrast with what broad did. but of course you can conviniently not mention that

  8. wilsonzenith says:

    Spirit of the game still cricket’s biggest ‘bullshit masturbation’ Jrod? Pleased to see that MS Dhoni (upon reflection) takes a different view.

  9. wilsonzenith says:

    I think I’ll have to put that one down to ‘cultural differences’ then Jrod.

  10. George says:

    mr. jarrod. this is a blog, not a coutroom.
    i commented on you veiled, implied message. too bad you got found out. you obviously will fool a lot of people deficient in language skills. you dont fool me. comprando?

  11. wilsonzenith says:

    ‘George’, this is a spoof post, right?

  12. George says:

    wilsonzenith, obviously you did not get past high school if you think the 20 million christians in india dont surf the net.
    thats right, my name is george and have guts enough not to have to hide behind an apparently internet libido enhancing handle like wilsonzenith…
    what the hell does that mean anyway … oh wait, high school, you dont need to make sense, thats right

  13. George says:

    jarrod, are you still thinking of a response?

  14. George says:

    show off!

  15. wilsonzenith says:

    George, I think you’ve got the wrong end of the stick. I was referring to your (unintentionally it seems) humorous post about those deficient in language skills.

  16. George says:

    and yeah i noticed the ‘to’ Wasim Akram. Not going to intepret that as a swig on my ‘langauge deficiency’ comment.

  17. George says:

    ok… wilsonzenith

  18. Christopher says:

    George whether you’re taking the piss or not you have made my day you funny funny guy! What the fuck are you talking about?!

  19. Christopher says:

    I just re read, this was my favourite bit:

    “Talk about complex and insecurity!”

    In England we have a (non racist) saying about the pot calling the kettle black, it’s lines like this that the saying was invented for! Hats off to you friend, I’d love to hear you having a debate with Geoff Boycott I think you’d give him a run for his money!

  20. Tumo says:

    Not sure why you’re having a go at Jarrod George, he’s not had a go at VVS at all… In fact, he’s mentioning the fallibility of the Hotspot system, if anything he’s saying that Laxman didn’t use Vaseline on his bat, but I’m sure the idea has been mentioned in many batting circles around the country. Relax mate, you’re taking life too seriously.

  21. Naveen says:

    Poms do shit like accusing VVS and still go knocking on the India dressing room to reconsider the run out. What spirit. bullshit. you are spot on Jarrod.

    Poms are doing everything they an including this and the bell incident to maintain upper hand in this game. MSD went for “spirit”. pity

  22. Rishabh says:

    Do not feed the trolls.

  23. George says:

    Shashtri put it best. The English just havent been able to mouth the fact that India are No 1.

    Fuck you all. Like it or not, we are buying all you fuckers out anyway. Give it another couple of decades and we will see who flaunts the begging bowls. Thats when I’d like to see where goes the snotty English high nosed attitude.
    Wont be long lads, hang in there.

  24. sheen says:


    You are funny. Your last post sums it all up really, you just got bitter.

  25. Jonah says:

    Hmm me thinks George needs to start taking the happy pills again. And it really is tiresome when Ausi trolls come on and start making out like they are Indians.

    Mate having lived and worked in India (Mubai) on and off for many years your syntax, Colloquialisms and vitriolic bile rather give you away as an imposter blue!

    And yes it is true India are No1, but not for much longer it would seem.

    PS if you really were a true pissed off indian fan YOU WOULD BE SHOUTING!

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