The official ICC guide to cricket formats

The ICC contacted us so that we could come up with a detailed explanation of all the cricket formats.

Test Cricket:

It’s sort of like long term relationship sex. Sometimes nothing can happen for five days, or even for a few weeks. It can feel like the game is choking the life out of you as you pointlessly plod away with often lifeless encounters that don’t really thrill you. It’s monotonous and predictable at its worst. Then something clicks, and it’s the best damn thing you’ve ever seen, and if you’re lucky, you’ll get a climax out of it that will stay for you for a lifetime. Or at least until the next great one.

One Day Cricket:

It’s a series of largely unfulfilling one night stands. The big problem, other than the fact that most of the encounters are pointless and forgettable, is that the conversations to get to any sort of climax is just horribly dull. You do it because of the odd occasion when the climax is worthwhile, and because they’re easier and less effort than a relationship. That said it’s always helped by booze. 40 over cricket is still a one night stand, but with a fair chunk of the boring chat cut out.


It’s like a trip to the strippers. If you don’t go that often, or think you’re going to pick up, it’s ok once in a while. Especially with friends. However, if you start going to it instead of trying to pick up, or turning up on your own, it feels a bit wrong. Drinking seems like a good idea, but due to various problems it’s best to get drunk before you go. And if you don’t, you’ll probably wonder why you went at all.

Cricket Maxx:

It’s more like a random fingering in the back of a cab with a slightly more attractive than average married co-worker that you sort of remember fondly even if all details are a bit hazy.


It’s like fucking your cousin with down syndrome. Any involvement with this should result in you going to jail you sick fuck.

Last Man Stand:

It’s masturbation, in the end.


6 thoughts on “The official ICC guide to cricket formats

  1. Hitesh says:

    blood awesome and spot on…

  2. And listening to Mark Nicholas commentate is like listening to your mrs going on and on about absolutely nothing.

  3. Sujan says:

    Brilliant Jrod! Loved every bit of it.

  4. Gotta object to your take on 50 over cricket, there are teams for who it’s the pinnacle of their game and so they turn each of these 100 overs into a micro-nailbiter; which is reason enough for the ICC to rob them of all their 50 over leagues.
    %§#!*% !!!

  5. LordAram says:

    good stuff jrod. surprised it’s taken you this long to link cricket and sex.

    one minor point: your and you’re are not interchangeable.

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