VVS Laxman knows some shit.
He knows where Jimmy Hoffa is.
Can explain the UFO sightings over London on the 24th of June.
Is an expert on the differences between butter and I can’t believe it’s not butter.
Knows why the chemical compound of blu tack can kill you.
And can explain to anyone exactly how the Keys of Enoch work.
The VVS is basically cricket’s smoking man.
He’s seen it all, knows it all, and he’s always just one step ahead of you without making a fuss about it.
If you want to know the secrets of the inside out cover drive from the foot marks outside leg stump, he has them. But do you really want to know them, I mean, can you handle that kind of truth at 230 am in a freezing cold car park. No.
So VVS just travels the world, gathering more information that would blow most of our minds, and looks middle aged cool whilst doing so.
Because of all this knowledge you don’t expect him to make mistakes.
And today, he didn’t.
It wasn’t a mistake that made him leave a ball from the seemingly fucken rubbish bowling of Shiv with his foot out of the crease.
That was a conspiracy.
VVS knows too much, and to keep him in his place Mossad, iJazz Butt, the CIA and Ben from Ben & Jerry teamed up with Shiv to concoct an elaborate plan to embarrass him so that if he does ever speak up, they can point to this one moment and say, “Are you really going to believe a man who went out stumped leaving the ball from someone with 8 previous test wickets in 133 Tests.”
And all of us on our couches will agree that VVS is in fact not a trustworthy place to get our information from.
It’s actually the only plausible explanation. I mean no one is going to believe that someone as casually awesome as VVS would just not know he was out of crease, I mean that is mental.
And I don’t believe it could have happened without some sort of conspiracy, or legspin.