Other than for hilarity, the job of the runner in cricket has proved little more than batsmen are by large soft nanmy pamby douchjuices who need someone to do the hard work for them.
It’s getting late and dark, send a bowler out to watch for me.
He’s bowling fast, build me helmets and body armour to substitute for courage.
And I’m sore, bring out a gimp to run for me.
Personally I think that unless you lose a limb, and by limb, I mean leg, you should just bat on and take the pain.
However, the use of the runner proves to one and all that bowlers are manly masculine warrior behemoths, and batsmen shit themselves when they sneeze.
Nothing says that more than when you’re watching some batsman with a bruised hip waddling to square leg like a pensioner walking to a bus stop.
Now we are in a situation where batsmen may look more manly by accident.
After years of doctoring the laws to make it easy for them, they’ll be forced to man up and bat even if they can’t run.
Most wont. Most will pussy out and retire hurt, putting their team further into the shit while they get a team of physios massaging their mildly twisted ankle.
But one wont.
Some bastard like Simon Katich will bat even through he can barely stand up.
He’ll look like a tough soldier who is fighting on even though bits of him are falling off. He’ll be shot with a long lens, have some sort of semi hard rock as his soundtrack, and everytime he shows how much pain he is in, we’ll get a bunch of super slow motion showing us. The batting press, which is almost all of them, will spew forth with masturbatory poems about the courage of this man to bat on. “How could be continue to bat through the pain of a slightly disjointed hip bone. Each step he took was proof of the human spirit itself, a sharp single was putting him through agony and showing us that there is just nothing we can’t do. His batting was humanity at it’s purist. As he took a two, you could hear the crowd moan at once, ‘Oh, the Horror’.”
They’ll never mention that everytime a fast bowler hits the crease his spine snaps, his feet implode and his internal organs are smashed around his chest like crash test dummies.
No, they’ll just talk about how impressive the batsman who manages not to be a pussy is.
So that’s why runners should stay in cricket.
It was soft batsmen who put them in the laws in the first place, and it’s too late in cricket folklore for the narrative to be changed.
Batsmen are soft, and need someone to run for them, it’s just how it is.
Plus, run outs with runners are always funnier. Everyone knows this.