Surrey pays women to come to the cricket

Surrey has cracked the code, they’ve come up with a way to get more women come to cricket.

They’ve gone and got walk on girls from the sexy world of darts to usher the batsmen to the crease.

I talked to Surrey, or I think it was someone from Surrey, about their cunning plan.

“We want more women at cricket, an this is one way to guarantee it. Some may see it as a cheap poorly thought out publicity stunt made to give our middle aged fans a boner at the game, but this is about the women, not the men who ogle them.

Another upside to getting more women in the ground, we’ll also have a situation where young girls in the crowd will have someone to look up to. So far the only job in cricket for women as that of a cheerleader or WAG, both of which you need specialized skillsets for, but any middling to attractive woman can be a walk on girl. We need to create more positions for these kind of women.

Imagine going to the cricket with your six your old daughter, she looks around and there is no positive role models inside the rope, now she can see a job she can hope to achieve, walking the batsman out to bat, standing fairly close to the pitch itself, and ensuring that the batsman doesn’t get timed out.

It might come across as sexist, but our research shows us that young girls love tits and are mostly bi at that age. Breasts sell cricket tickets, everyone knows this.

Sure, we haven’t really thought through all the details, we do have a gay on our team. But where thinking of two sexy looking trannies, but it’s ultimately Steve Dave’s decision. We just hope he doesn’t want half naked bears.

I mean if we had a women’s team, we’d get men in tight bike shorts taking them out.”

The problem is that like most soft porn, walk out girls don’t really sell any extra tickets and are kind of shit.

I mean they’ll be clothed and not performing sex acts.

What a waste of time.

Surrey should be forgetting about the cricket and having a full oval orgy.

Hundreds of women and a few strapping young lads to perform 3 hour long sessions (any longer and new comers will be bored) of hardcore erotica.

I’m sure there is market research to back this up.

Sure there will far more mess to clean up in the stands than usual, but that’s the price of running a massively successful live sex show.

Cricket has been crying out for more useless sexism that doesn’t help it at all, I’m glad Surrey have stepped up to fill the breach.

Cricket and sex never really go together, but only because cricket will never fully commit, put the gimp mask on and face it’s naked ass to the sky. Maybe this could be Surrey’s role?

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7 thoughts on “Surrey pays women to come to the cricket

  1. MeikoElektra says:

    Ooh, can feel the air of female empowerment from here. No need to burn my bra, the lovely walk-on ladies of Surrey are doing their bit for feminism for me. I’ll get back into the kitchen then.

  2. Alvaro_FSS says:

    Eddie Hemmings has tits that won’t quit; can he have a go ushering Tim Linley to the pitch?

  3. Aatif says:

    They are proper revolutionaries at The Oval. If only the Pakistanis would step up to the mark and have two fully veiled women (or men, after all, who’d know) walk the batsman to the crease. Just basic economics.

  4. Alvaro_FSS says:

    Aatif:
    That would give Shahid Afridi something to do, non-objection certificate not withstanding of course…

  5. Jayne says:

    After jrod’s little back-of-the-taxi tale, this could give Shahid Afridi something to do, nudge nudge, wink wink.

    -sigh- With Afridi gone there is no sex appeal whatsoever in any Pakistan international side. Perhaps Butt(head) is jealous of Afridi’s pulling power?

  6. Howe_zat says:

    I for one have only ever watched county cricket for the blatant sex appeal and I don’t see any other reason why people would be interested.

  7. DCLaurie says:

    Oh for fucks sake. This is 1 step forward and 40 years back.

    Hold on, doesn’t Steve Dave play for Surrey? This could actually be interesting, will they have the balls to send him out with an oiled up muscular hunk on one arm and a cute arsed twink on the other? Or will they complete the holy trinity of retarded backward thinking an send him out with two bikini clad women?

    Come to think of it, is this a subconscious attempt by the Surrey board to prove that they’re not gay? I think they might be overcompensating for some deep secrets they’d rather not admit to themselves. Surrey should just accept themselves and come out of the closet as the worlds first gay cricket club.

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