Dilshan’s thumb

Until today the most painful male story I’d ever heard is from a degenerate friend of mine.

He was a filthy guy who often cheated on his live in girlfriend.

One day, before the days of internet dating sites, he met a girl via a phone dating service.

The girl he picked up sounded like an A grade skank, having never met her I see her as cold sore laden junkie type, mostly because that was my mate’s type.

While he was with her, her flat mate came home and walked straight in on them, instead of it being awkward it turned into the male fantasy moment he didn’t deserve. He’d stumbled into his first ever threeway.

Now, this was not a goodlooking, rich or suave gentleman. My mate’s head looked like it was carved from a tree but they forgot to give him features or treat the wood. So this was a big thing for him.

So big that in his excitement, he pushed a little harder than he ever had.

How hard? Hard enough to rip his foreskin.

He was unable to ever fully explain how much pain this gave him, but I’m assuming it was about as painful as a man can experience.

It doesn’t stop there, because now he was in all sorts of trouble, because if he went straight to the hospital, his lady might find out about his behaviour.

So he chose the frightful option of going home, getting his lady drunk, getting her ready for love making, rolling the condom over his dick, and then doing a few thrusts before screaming and claiming he had just ripped his foreskin.

He was a Machiavellian cheating turd, but you must respect him for having the skills and pain management skills to pull this off.

His lady bought it, and took him to the hospital where they put him back together. It was 3 months before his foreskin was back in working condition.

For some, they would have taken this as a lesson and also an achievement, he did not.

6 months later he was offered an even more exciting sexual situation, he was invited to an orgy and yet again being the low life untrustable man he was, he took up the offer.

Now, he’d already touched the sun once with a threesome he didn’t deserve, that he said was heaven before his foreskin gave out and peeled like a banana, so he didn’t need to do this orgy.

The thing is, he just wanted to. He wanted to beat the threesome. For him it was about being the man who could say in a bar, “well the time I had an orgy…”. He wanted to be in a room that was full of the smells and flavours of group sex.

So he went there to cheat on his girl again, and yet again, his foreskin was a fan of karma and it viciously ripped open just as the orgy was kicking off.

This time he was in so much pain he was taken straight to a hospital, and his lady put two and two together and reached the conclusion that he’d injured himself through coitus with another woman and dropped him.

Here he was with a broken penis that would have to be given an adult circumcision, no lady, nowhere to live and no chance of sex for about six months.

I was reminded of all this as Dilshan tried to put his hand in his glove for the second time, he’d already made a hundred at Lord’s, had his thumb almost ripped off twice, proved his toughness and put a spine into Sri Lanka after their last collapse, but he still wanted more. He wanted a double hundred and he was willing to sacrifice his thumb for it and play through the amazing pain.

That takes guts, and a little stupidity.

We respect that. Not our friend’s infidelity, but Dilshan’s toughness.

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9 thoughts on “Dilshan’s thumb

  1. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Ha I feel inclined to say what a beautiful story (it has a very poetic ending doesn’t it), but the sickness in my stomach kinda prevents me from doing so. Wondering how your male audience feels about it…

  2. Sach says:

    We feel it’s very apt. The analogy I mean…

  3. Dee Pea says:

    A worthy rival for Wayne Shelford’s ball.

  4. wolf says:

    Your ‘friends’ problem sounds like great material for a country and western song.

  5. Matt says:

    Could have been first single off 12 Country Golden Greats, rather than that delicate hommage to ladies who wee standing up, “piss up a rope”

  6. Rowan says:

    I knew a bloke who gave himself a similar injury (the foreskin one, not the thumb) through playing with himself. Which isn’t as bad as cheating on a girlfriend but what makes it amazing is that he TOLD PEOPLE. I mean, would you?

  7. Jayne says:

    My husband doesn’t think this really happened. The foreskin thing that is, not Dilshan’s thumb.

    He is Australian.

    I am not sure if that has anything to do with it.

    • jrod says:

      Jayne, I promise it happened, my mate was not one to make up stories, and if he did, why would you make this up.

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