Australia fail to upskill their bowling coach department by picking the bankrupt Paris Hilton of cricket

Australia just had their most important decision to make since they were woken up by England and the World Cup pissing on them.

Did they select a bowling coach that was a former good ol boy in McDermott, Bichel or Gillespie?

Did they keep going with little known well respected first class coaches like Allister De Winter?

Or did  they for the first time in their history admit that perhaps they are not at the forefront of cricket coaching and Allan Donald, who has just improved Tim Southee’s bowling and pace, might just be the best option?

They chose McDermott.

De Winter has done a brilliant job with Tasmania, they’ve just won the shield title, their little known bowlers have stepped up, and he seems to get the most out of players like Maher and Butterworth who were weapons this year.

Donald’s coaching record was a bit more up and down, but he was coming off his work with Southee and New Zealand, he even kept Oram together for a whole world cup, which means he is good with sticky tape.

McDermott’s record as a coach is not that brilliant.  He’s worked with the Queensland side and academy, without the level of admiration or results that De Winter has, or without the international experience and results that Donald has.

Plus, McDermott has more baggage than a 1850s French Princess touring the world.

In his recent past there is a sex video scandal where he was blackmailed for reportedly eight months before telling the police.

Claims that he allegedly didn’t pay child support despite living the high life.

And the massive cherry on top is that he was the man in charge of a business that ended up owing people 40,000,000 AUD.

Yet, he was still picked as coach.

Good for him.  Hopefully he brings Australia to glory and manages to get his real estate developing back on track.

Not only was McDermott given this job, but another good ol boy was promoted.

Langer went from batting coach to assistant coach.

I like what Langer says about batting, But he has been in charge of an under performing senior batting line up for 18 months.

His words might sound good, but the constant cheer of the opposition supporters when Australia are “batting” drowns them out.

Would McDermott or Langer be employed in their positions right now if Langer was a plucky shield cricketer who never quite made it and McDermott only played a handful of tests due to injury.  Who knows.

I do know that it’s all beginning to feel like a job for the boys situation, and not for the first time there seems to be coaches in shield cricket (Shipperd, Arthur, Helmott, Berry and De Winter) who all seem more qualified for the jobs than Nielsen, Langer and McDermott.

Although we’d all like to see a Micky Arthur sex tape.

The enquiry to look into Australian cricket, that is run by former captains of McDermott and Langer, in association with Cricket Australia has so far got rid of the part time fielding coach, promoted the batting coach and picked a bowling coach ahead of at least two better options.

Australia was known for having the best and most sought after bowling coaches in world cricket, but could you imagine any other country employing Craig McDermott as their bowling coach? The ECB almost hired him as their bowling coach, and then they talked to him. Then they laughed.

It seems Australia cricket is in safe incestuous good ol boy hands.


Craig McDermott’s sex tape


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14 thoughts on “Australia fail to upskill their bowling coach department by picking the bankrupt Paris Hilton of cricket

  1. golandaaz says:

    Don’t Australia need a spin bowler as coach instead of a fast bowler?

  2. George says:

    Jarrod, c’mon. How could you not write an article about Warne pitch doctoring in Jaipur. Until God noticed and said stop. lol
    This was epic and everyone seems to have missed this.

  3. George says:


    Bite the bullet and bring Warne in as head coach & team manager. I know Ricky may be pissed off but CA have given him enough slack already by letting him continue. And they did pick him as captain over Warne, did they not? So WTF.

    Warne may still dick around a bit, but he does so off the arena. Yea, he has been waltzing Lizzy around in the IPL but its the goddamn IPL. Who gives a shit? He aint gonna do that during a test series though.

    Australian cricket needs Warne. CA’s pigheadedness is showing in the teams results.

  4. Lolly says:

    I don’t think any of us have the right to be surprised by anything CA does. I’ve found it all pretty funny.

    Seriously, if Hanse Cronje was still around, he’d be employed by CA to teach the lads about ethics.

  5. Phred says:

    LOL @ Lolly’s Cronje comment. How apt.

    Cricket Australia are just unbelievable any more. I’m seriously thinking about supporting NZ. Yeah, shocking, I know ;)

  6. Oh Dear!! this is serious post, thought it was a satire as I was reading, this is bigger facepalm than lose of Ashes, really.

  7. Warlock says:

    As a proud Kiwi, I’ve decided not to say another bad word about anything that happened in previous matches between NZ and Aus.

    Letting us have Allan Donald more than makes up for all of it.

    Thank you, Australia. The NZ cricket fans thank you, the Black Caps sponsors thank you, and Tim Southee thanks you.

  8. Beggy G says:

    How bloody dare you! McDermott is a pillar of the Queensland business community and shows the way for all aspiring young Coinslandistas.

    1. Be a bloody good sportsman
    2. Be a bloody great lahhhghf in the pub
    3. Play fast and loose with ethics and other clowns’ money
    4. Have a bloody sad sob story to tell ya mates in the pub that proves yer not up yaself (debt-dodging bankruptcy)

    He’s my bloody hero, leave him alone or I’ll get Alfie Bloody Langer and Wally Bloody Lewis to smash ya.

    He shows the true spirit of Coinsland.

    On a further note, I haven’t seen ACA for a while, I’d forgotten how jaw-droppingly patronising they were. ‘Battlas’. ‘Mum and Dad Investors’. It’s like they’re talking to a retarded 10 year old. Although anyone who watches ACA regularly probably is a retarded 10 year old, even if they started as a thirty something philosophy professor.

    I guess I expect to be patronised when the creators of the show are a bunch of Melbournian and Sydneysider dingo’s, pretendin’ they’re real Aussies.

    I love my bloody home and anyone who says anything else against Coinsland and her heroes is gunna be bashed.

  9. Hewy says:

    Langer had one of the top batting coaches going around. But listening to a great coach does not also make one a great coach.
    Anecdotally, the batting coaching stuff he’s been heard to say to Clarke, Warner and others has been laughable.

    Not sure about JL, but certainly with Mcdermott and Greg Chappell it’s been a case of a guy who’s not in great shape financially who they’ve helped out with a job.

    I’m all for helping ex-greats from the pre-IPL days have a bit of a pension, but can we just give them a job which doesn’t harm Australian cricket.

    Maybe Billy The Kid could be in charge of zinc, JL could run boxing classes, and Chappell could be in charge of emails.

  10. Mike says:

    Langer was batting coach during the Ashes and I found myself asking: what exactly is he being paid to do? Cause it sure didn’t look like he was teaching them anything.

    McDermott? The track record isn’t promising. What did his resume actually look like? Selective, for sure.

  11. CashforHumiliation says:

    McDermott? Resume? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

    Like a lot of resumes, he’s going to stretch time-frames, in other words, he retired from test cricket just before he started working for the Academy.

  12. namya says:

    CA can hire a coach’s coach who will help all the current coaches you mention. Did they miss the brief which said coach but was misspelt as Couch?

  13. Sreejith says:

    Allowed himself to be blackmailed over a video of him having sex with his.. Wife??!! Come on.. what was he thinking? Gavaskar keeps saying fast bowlers aren’t the greatest thinkers.. That seems to prove it.

    Its funny BCCI seems to be doing a far better job than ACB and ECB combined if you look at the state of other sports management in the respective countries. West Indies seems to be on verge of breaking up. If Aussies and Pommies lose interest in cricket very soon cricket will be a marginal sport no matter how big an interest is there in India.

    Considering everything maybe IPL is a good thing. Maybe in 20 years that will be the only competitive cricket left in the world. Shudder!!!

  14. Sreejith says:

    Warne would have been a very good coach for Australia right now. Manna from heavens. I would have thought his genius in getting the small timers cross the line to big timers is just what Australia needs right now. And.. he is an Australian legend to boot. Only argument against him is his off field antics. But then they choose this guy!!! Warne didn’t lose retirement funds of Moms and Pops for his hair care medicine. He seems an angel compared to McDermott.

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