The New Retirement

Player is not contemplating retirement. Team mates support him.

Player is contemplating retirement.  Team mates talk about what a great guy he is.

Player then performs well and forgets all talk of retirement.

Cricket Board announces a press conference for a senior player.

The media start writing Eulogies for player’s career.

Player says he is retiring from one form of cricket to concentrate on the other two or is quitting one of captaincy, keeping, bowling and trips to Bangladesh.

Everyone love the player for 48 hours.

Player tells wife/girlfriend/lover/male flatmate that he is completely retiring from cricket.

Player’s confidant tells their friend the journalist.

Player then denies the story when it is written.

Shortly after there is another press conference and player quits from all other forms of cricket except the IPL.

Player turns up unfit to IPL and suddenly sees the best batting, bowling and fielding ever in an IPL game.

Player then retires from the IPL, on twitter.

Player is now 100% retired from cricket.

Player receives a call from a Zimbabwe cricket official asking if he wants to play some domestic cricket.

Player doesn’t announce anymore comebacks or retirements.

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11 thoughts on “The New Retirement

  1. anyday says:

    LOL, my mind raced through all the players this applies to. Unfortunately there are too many.

  2. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Perhaps he has realised that his face has started to melt away in the spotlight.

  3. Rishabh says:

    This was Brian Lara.

  4. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Oh yeah I was wondering how the Zim stuff came in here! *lightbulb*

  5. Rank Sinatra says:

    Brian Close or Kim Barnett perhaps?

  6. SRT, Straussy, Warne with a dash of Lara. Could see a hint of Ganguly as well.

  7. George says:

    Team mates, Cricket Board, Journalists et all announce player’s retirement.
    Player says – Fuck you all, I can still bat. Ashes 2013, here I come.

  8. Howe zat says:

    La, la, la, la, la,
    I’m Ulysses
    I’ve found a new way
    I’ve found a new way baby

  9. Rishabh says:

    Who knows how Sachin will retire? Is that what the Mayans speak of?

  10. poopsie says:

    That is straight out of a Mo Matthews dream

  11. Masuud says:

    A coherent mix of Afridi+Malinga?

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