Wisden is here

Somehow cricket is slowly letting me into its back cavity. There I was, dressed all in black like I was heading to a mobster’s funeral, the only man without a bow tie, deep inside cricket’s most feted orifice, the Lord’s longroom.

Obviously the Lord’s secret service hadn’t properly checked me. I was just allowed to sit not far from Mike Brearley and Clive Lloyd in the Lord’s long room for the Wisden Almanack Dinner.

I was surrounded by paintings of cricketers who were mostly white, and mostly dead, and in the company of cricket people who were mostly the same.

To show how important the occasion was, I wore a suit, tie and put gel in my hair. The evening started with some kind of prayer, because God is the ultimate cricket administracrat.

Then I read the menu, it was Confetti duck, quail egg and other assorted foods that I wouldn’t ever eat unless I was forced too. Free wine though, no other free booze which seems unfair.

There was an ode to the Queen as well, as she invented cricket.

While I was still digesting the quail egg (which is really just a small posh regular egg, I mean really, just give me an egg, it’s cheaper and has more egg in it), Scyld Berry was announcing that it would have been nice if he was asked back to edit Wisden again, instead of being assholed. The room got a little tense at this.

Luckily that was all forgotten when there was a round table discussion about how Asia was ruining world cricket. Or something like that.

I say round table discussion, it was more people saying things into microphones, and then people yelling out from the crowd, and then a woman from the BBC shouting bullshit.

I think hearing a woman from the BBC say bullshit in the Lord’s Long Room was worth me putting gel in my hair.

Then at 3AM I saw Matthew Engel dancing.

It was quite an event.

All of this fun was in aide of the new Wisden Almanack.

In which I have another piece with swearing in it. It’s about blogs and twitter and things like that.

You can buy the book here, or you can just go into a store, turn to page 151, revel in my work, put it down and then read a Noam Chomsky book to show how utterly brilliant you are.


18 thoughts on “Wisden is here

  1. Alvaro_FSS says:


  2. poopsie says:

    Did anyone pash the BBC bullshitter? Please say Clive Lloyd

  3. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Thank you so much for all your efforts, especially since they involved what sounds like a rather unpleasant evening for you. I mean, hair gel… free wine… *shudders* Big Kudos.

  4. Homer says:

    “Scyld Berry was announcing that it would have been nice if he was asked back to edit Wisden again, instead of being assholed” – Bleddy BCCI!

  5. Phred says:

    You forgot to mention that those old dead guys are actually auditioning for the comeback season of Dead Like Me (wishful thinking, I know).



  6. Merge says:

    Grr, Where was Shane Watson while all of this was going down?

  7. Jay says:

    Other bloggers must have felt like Jimmy when Tommy got “made”. You’re just lucky there were no swordfish on the wall.

  8. Jayne says:

    Phred, my husband was a great fan of “Dead Like Me” and by an accident of his rostering ended up a crappy, low budget film called “Devil’s Gate” with the guy who played Miles (Callum Blue), only not at the same time. (It was only when we looked up information on the show that I found out he *had* been ithe film.)

    Said film was so crappy and low budget the part of the pilot was played by the inter-island pilot on duty (the future husband) that day. Never mind that the film was filmed in and set in Shetland and the pilot’s Australian accent stood out like dogs balls, especially as he was shouting, ostensibly over the howling wind noises that they never got around to dubbing in later.

    Lots of free booze at the wrap party, though, and not just wine. Oh, and they paid him sixty quid.

  9. Jayne says:

    I suppose jrod’s posh dinner was worth sixty quid, though . . .

    (Seriously, it is a cool event to be able to say you’ve attended.)

  10. Ahhh, now that’s called a review of Wisden, right from heart of JRod’s brain’s mouth using fingers. It is really rare opportunity for others to see JRod without his cap/hat. Good on you mentioning famous blogs all around internut. Too bad I have just done mere 50 blog, or you could have said ….. ‘look here is another blog called cricketwithpoop, which was named like this because clearly out of immense powerful subconscious pressure of being big fan of cricketwithballs’ eh eh eh! how was that? Just kidding … Great job being invited again, you deserved it dude. Good to see you are appreciating the real cricket sole of writing –> Blogging. Okay I think i might have stretched it. or not!

  11. Phred says:

    Jayne, thanks for your comments. How interesting! I love that show and was surprised it got cancelled. Probably due to the level of competition between U.S cable channel shows. There are just SO many of them here, it’s ridiculous. Small world though! Glad your old man got to be a part of movie lore. I love the part about how he had to shout but no background wind later – good stuff! Oh yes, my American friends love it when I get loud – my Aussie accent causes bemused looks everywhere. I say “ya right are ya?” a lot – just to get them to laugh.

    I will look for this movie on Netflix :)

    Nice job Jrod, you suck up. (We’re all envious of course)

  12. Deep Cower says:

    Why Wisden lets you cuss in their pages is one of the mysteries of the universe that man might never be able to solve. Right up there with dark energy, creation and such.

  13. Loved your article mate. Well done!

    The Wisden do sounds like it was quite an “experience”!

  14. SixSixEight says:

    Spirit drinkers of the world unite – and rise up against the free wine inequity….or something…

  15. I know for a fact Hazel Irvine is a potty mouth. I can’t go into details.

  16. Jayne says:

    Phred, it’s so bad you’ll have trouble finding it.

    Shit! This is the entire film on YouTube! Let me find the husband, Shit! That’s him, flying the Islander! (He still uses those same headphones.) On fucking YouTube! Flying to Papa Stour! His bit starts at 7.10. (God, those Islanders are noisy pigs . . .)

    (Must be some mythical island, as the flight takes you directly to Papa Stour.)

    Apologies for not knowing how to tag links.

    Sorry this isn’t about Wisden. I just never expected to find this. Yeah, he thought Laura Fraser was hot.

  17. Phred says:

    Hot in a cold, dour North sea kind of way? Sure ;)

    Cool that the whole flick is out there!

  18. Jayne says:

    No, hot in the way those sex with players descriptions of Vettori and Hussey, M are (and Afridi and Kallis aren’t), but in a chick sort of way.

    Duck confit would have sounded nasty even back when I was eating meat. Sounds like the sort of thing that would give you the shits (literally) just from looking at it. *Poached in its own rendered fat.* Eeeuuuuucccchhhh. It’s just one posh step above deep fried butter, if you ask me. And no one did, I realise.

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