Strategic ad breaks. They suck. And they are one of the most thinly veiled pieces of ‘we think you’re all idiots’ you’ll ever find. Ofcourse we could just think of them as alcohol, breaks or masturbation/self fellating breaks.
Product placement cricket phrases. They’re annoying, but if you use them in the bed room, they become sexy. “That’s a C.L.I.T Hotspot alright. A big one.”
Danny Morrison. “Wowee. What an amazing bowl of cereal, I’ve never seen a bowl of Cereal like this, it’s the most impressive bowl of cereal you will ever see. What a a huge bowl of cereal. The bowl of cereal creators have outdone themseleves again. This cereal is mega. Cereal will never be the same again.” Or any commentator really. If Indian and Australian cricket commentary is North Korean, then the IPL commentators are 1940’s Japanese Suicide pilots flying straight into your inner ear canal. Imagine every overly positive comment is about a shit the commentators just had and the commentary is quite enjoyable.
Not knowing who to support. If you’re not from one of the cities involved, picking a side is not that easy. One day that might change, but for now, enjoy the fact you’re essentially a cricket team whore. Fuck them all, a different one every day, sometimes two, squeeze the juice out of all of them. One day you’ll have to settle down with just one, but there is no rush.
Bollywood stars being involved. Sure, it’s annoying, but they didn’t invent this shit. Hollywood stars are shown at Knicks and Lakers games and Jay Z owns 0.00000008 percent of the New Jersey Nets. Even at the cricket Mick Jagger and Russell Crowe turn up. Getting special permission to go on air and be taken seriously. The good news is when they do this you can mock them and feel superior as your cricket knowledge is better than theirs.
T20 is shit cricket. It’s not exactly a new revelation, no one was expecting a Chekhov play. They hit the ball hard and bowl one over spells. It finishes quickly, too, so you can always go back and watch your old DVDs of classic tests.
Redefining the word podcast. Something isn’t a podcast just because you say so. A podcast (or non-streamed webcast) is a series of digital media files (either audio or video) that are released episodically and often downloaded through web syndication. What the IPL are doing is interviews. They’re not new andit’s ok to call them what they are. You can flash a torch on your dick, but it doesn’t make it a light sabre. The good news is you can laugh at the IPL’s effort to try and modernize something with a word they don’t understand. At least it isn’t an iBat.
It’s only about money. Unlike all other forms of cricket that are purely for the love of the game.
The Go the Chargers song. Go the Chargers, no, go and kill the person who wrote this song. Then find their family, take them down too. Then any neighbours. Or anyone who has ever met them. Also their pets. Then do the same for anyone involved in the recording of the song. Even if they just turned up at the recording studio a week earlier to deliver a pizza, they need to be killed. This is the only thing that you can’t enjoy about the world cup. Unless you enjoy murder and this gives you a chance to finally do what you’ve always wanted.
All of these problems can also be avoided with your remote.