How South Africans might feel after that

I could never try and pretend to be a South African, it would be like me trying to be religious, but I know the pain of constant losing in one particular tournament and I think if I was South African I’d feel roughly like this…

What is the fucken point of us playing in this tournament.  What is ever our point as a cricket team in general.  Every fucken time we just fold up like a plastic chair at even a hint of referred pressure.  You can say we’ve been unlucky, you can say we’ve been cocky, you you can also say that our very existence is proof that humans are lucky to have thumbs because otherwise we’d all be crawling around in the mud grunting at each other.  I can understand losing to a better team.  I can even understand having the opposition just out play us on the other day. But we don’t need a fucken other team, we just need ourselves.  New Zealand could have put out a whole team of cardboard cut outs and just waited for us to fuck up.  I feel bad for New Zealand, because they might have been good enough on the day to beat us regardless, but it’s almost impossible to give them any real credit when we went we lost this game by simply turning up knowing it was a knock out match.  Before today I would have liked to believe that the reason we had lost in the past might have stemmed from a belief that we couldn’t get to the top of world cricket.  But we fucken did, we beat Australia at home, well before they really turned to shit, and even after some hiccups we were the number one ranked test side for a time.  India are the number one test side in the world, and they can’t beat us in a test series.  We should be cocky swinging motherfuckers who believe that nothing can stop us.  We have the world’s best pace bowler and the world’s best wrist spinner, we have a statistical colossal all rounder, as good a batsman in world cricket opening up and our number four has the ability to do every but turn water into wine.  Still we fuck up.  Still we find a way to make ourselves the world’s laughing stock for the 6th cunting cock of a time. It’s fucking bullshit.  It’s a fucking disgrace.  And it’s all so fucking inevitable.  Our cricket board’s twitter account was trying to make light of the c word.  Fuck the C word. Don’t give me this C is for Champions bullshit.  C is for fucking choke because everytime we end up in this fucking tournament we choke.  We fucking choke. That is what we do. CHOke choke choke choke shocke chokec chokelks  chokelmkwe  CHOKE CHOKE CHOKEKKE.  That is what C is for, that is what we did, and frankly fuck off to anyone who says next time that we aren’t chokers. We aren’t chokers in four years time when we win this tournament, until then we fucken are. Actually, fuck this tournament as well, it can choke on my fucken rage. Fuck this tournament, fuck the ICC, let’s just pull out.  We don’t need this shit, we’re a proud people who has changed out nation more in the last few years than some countries have in hundreds of years.  So fuck the ICC, fuck the world cup, and fuck our attempts at ever winning this.  The world is a fucked up place and I hope that tomorrow the whole place gets smashed by an astroid and everyone on this planet s fucks off and dies.

Dedicated to Ant Sims.

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28 thoughts on “How South Africans might feel after that

  1. chowkster says:

    Beautifully done.

  2. Adrian says:

    Poor analysis, I’m afraid. It wasn’t a choke, just the fact that nobody can expect to beat NZ when big Jessie gets going.

  3. karl says:

    Sending to all my SA mates.

    Chur!

  4. Sadam Mahessar says:

    Hahaha

  5. soubhik says:

    hahahahaha, brilliance radiating from across the southern hemisphere…hope the Pakistanis are feeling the same by the time we are through with them in Mohali!

  6. pandimi says:

    Maybe the word Knock-out is enough to knock the wind out of South African sails.

  7. mspr1nt says:

    And it’s a fucking stupid trophy anyway.

  8. Santa says:

    I am an Indian and I was 11 during the ’99 Worldcup. I cried like a baby for 2 days watching SA lose in the semis. Now I only laugh. It’s time they hired a shrink (dead serious) like our own psychiatrist/ cricket blogger “Mr.Tracer Bullet”

  9. Hugh says:

    Thanks for that Karl…… @msprint…..agreed, is a stupid bloody trophy anyway!

  10. horatius says:

    I think the Saffas have finally proven beyond any reasonable doubt the claims to ownership of the word “choke” and all it’s derivatives for the next 4 years, and possibly forever.

  11. Deep Cower says:

    And cricinfo decides to rub salt, vinegar, and a little acid in Smith’s wounds:

    http://es.pn/hpzrPs

  12. kp kp says:

    A very restrained & understated response Jrod, well Done!
    A team of “Fucking bunch of Choking Jokers” possessing ICC ranks:1,2 in Batting & ranks 1,3 in Bowing with an excellent Pakistan-born Leggie that can’t even find a proper situation to choke from.
    A truly Balls-less performance that a bunch of little girls would Sneer at
    Again, Jrod very well done indeed

  13. […] as Jrod puts it: “”fuck this tournament as well, it can choke on my fucken […]

  14. kap says:

    choke de, choke de south africa

  15. knowledge_eater says:

    I don’t know how they do it. I think they have mastered this technique. No, JRod, they will be back with better, healthier, and more athletic side next time. I just feel bad for their fans ergo you try to be here. Brilliant try. and brilliantly put. Now avoid that ‘OZ accent’ in writing. Oh wait then your pc will …..e. I thought Albie was dearly missed today. Just felt sorry for Kallis, rest can still come back and try again. oh well.

  16. hi says:

    South africa crush minnows anyways

  17. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    What the worst thing about this is, it totally takes away the gloss of the brilliant Kiwi performance. Kinda pisses me off, the shock and happiness nullify each other and just leave a hollow emptiness. Grrr Saffas!

  18. SpryCorpse says:

    Wonderful, jrod.
    Perfect summary.

    Oh, how glorious to see the Cricket Boks go down….again.
    Actually, it’d be great to see the Kiwis go all the way.

  19. nick says:

    BLACK CAPS ALL THE WAY. Aus was just lucky to get away in 07 wc semi final from BC but this year BC will fuk eveone up.

  20. Neerav says:

    It is a fine art this one that they have mastered. When Aussies go out everyone is overjoyed and jeer at them. SA have talent to make everyone feel sorry for them or in this case pity.

    Everytime they arrive as a new team with so much talent (this time they even had spinners who were any good) and then this happens

  21. Rajesh says:

    and the irony of watching a smiling allan donald after all this. i really feel for the south african fans.

  22. Warlock says:

    Recipe for Saffer throttling. Set a modest total that they ‘should’ get comfortably but is just beyond being an absolute give. Let them within 100-odd with wickets in hand. Then make the bowling drier than scorched sandpaper and bring the field in. Their heads will explode from knowing it should be a doddle but being constantly frustrated from being able to completely rule the opposition out.

    Setting huge targets isn’t the way, as the Aussies found out years ago after setting over 400. The Boks just go for broke as it’s pure death or glory, no mind trickery involved.

  23. Very understated…you are losing it Jrod.

  24. paul says:

    this post tries to explain what i felt… it doesn’t come close…

    we have more talent than most of the teams put together, but we lack a winning attitude. that’s what made the aussies of the past

  25. himanshu says:

    “6th cunting cock of a time.”….. hahahahahahahahahaahahaha ooooffff.. hahaahaa

  26. Aneeb says:

    world’s best wrist spinner? pleaseeeeeeeeeee… you and I both know that only one name comes to mind for that title…. Shahid Afridi!

  27. zaakir says:

    [s]not

  28. Abigail says:

    Well if you select Botha as your number seven batsman, what do you expect?

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