Cricket with balls claims Andre Russell

In the history of cricket with balls we’ve only ever claimed three cricketers.

Cricket with balls’ Bryce McGain, Cricket with balls’ Holly Colvin and Cricket with balls’ Eddie Cowan.

Today we add Andre Russell.

Obviously we were talking him up before anyone knew or cared about him.

Now there are literally dozens of people who are talking about Andre, and while we’ve had nothing to do with his career or his obvious natural talent, we feel largely responsible for his rise.

When he took four wickets and made a dashing 49 against England, we felt like it was us.

Not just the jrod who is writing this, but everyone who feels like cricket with balls is a part of their day.

Picking a player before you’ve seen him or anyone else has mentioned him is often a fools errand.

What if the player is never seen again, the whole process was a waste of time. And worse, if they are seen and their very existence makes you want to vomit into the mouth of a passing grandmother.

When we saw Andre Russell, we didn’t feel this way.

We felt proud.

From his pointy haircut to his inability to control the urge to play stupid shots through to his fast medium bowling that has a technical hitch or two he is someone we want to see play, that we want to write fantastical posts on and who will raise in random conversations for no real reason.

This is why we are making Andre Russell the fourth cricket with balls’ own player.

Arise, cricket with balls’ Andre Russell.

We hope you’ll continue to be an unpolished all rounder that can splatter a stump, hit a mean six and wear the weighty crown of cwb’s own on that pointy hair of yours.

Now it’s time for two chucking.

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11 thoughts on “Cricket with balls claims Andre Russell

  1. Howe Zat says:

    Interesting. I trust you’ll look after him? Remember to feed him and wash him and so on.

  2. Eddy Jenner says:

    And how about his pretending-to-pull-out-of-delivery-but-then-bowling-delivery trick? It’s a bit mischievous wouldn’t you say?

  3. Eddy Jenner says:

    Thought you might, I also like how it’s just subtle enough but still underhand to get the commentators in a tangle, how many times did we hear the phrase “a word in the captain’s ear”.

  4. Aamer Jamal says:

    why you didnt include any pakistani players in this list, or its obvious that its the only whole team that have the balls

  5. jogesh99 says:

    Identify the self-righteous shit who said this:

    “There were no doubts about the nick, I knew I hit it, but as always I wait for the umpire to give me out. That’s the way I’ve always played the game,”

    he said proudly, weeping into his boggy green. And the cunt still doesnt get why nobody wants a catching agreement with the barfy greens.

  6. ElishaCook says:

    @jogesh: Let’s face it – no one walks these days, not even Tendulkar. Everyone loves bashing Ponting but he’s just doing what everyone else does.

  7. Eddy Jenner says:

    jogesh, Elisha you’re both right. He’s just doing what everyone else does, and he’s a self-righteous shitcunt.

    Can’t we all just get along?

  8. Crownish says:

    Should performances against England count? They shouldn’t. England are shit. Your post about England having the Secret seems to be playing out here.

  9. jogesh99 says:

    Nothing wrong with what Ponting did, its well within his character. And the guy is in real poor form, so its understandable. The point is, he wants people to believe his good Christian soldiers when they claim catches – he doesnt get the contradiction. But thats par for the course too – an Aussie with self-doubt – nah!

    Even though Tendulkar walked this time, he has no qualms appealing from the slips even when he knows the batsman hasn’t knicked it, or for an lbw when he has.
    But then again, he doesnt claim bumped catches, like all Aussies are taught to do (last Aussie I remember who acknowledged taking a bump catch was Taylor – must have been pretty blatant).

    So everyone has their shitty little cheating habits, but Ponting’s got them all.

  10. anand says:

    All teams claim “bump catches”..but the aussies outdid everyone. its in their blood .

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