England are better than Australia

I take notes.  That will surprise some people.  But I do. Often I can’t read them.  Yet they sit next to me.

I had a quick look through them during this morning.  I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, but I put some of them together.

England are better fielders.

Graeme Swann is a better tweeter than all Australian cricketers combined.

England’s bowlers are better.

Th whole Ashes preparation for England was better.

The English coaches are far better than the Australian coaches.

The Barmy Army are better organized, execute their skillsets and band together far more than Australian fans.

The English batsmen handle almost all kinds of pitches, green tops of brown tops, better than the Australian batsmen.

Lord’s has better food than the MCG.

The white whites of England look better out on the ground than Australia’s creams.

England are better at handling the pressure.

Natalie Portman’s pregnancy announcement on the same day as Ricky Ponting last time batting at the G makes you suddenly realise your youth is dead.

Yes, the word better appears almost as much as the word obviously does in a Peter Siddle press conference.

It appears so much that this isn’t an accident.

The only thing that springs to mind when thinking of something Australia does better is using the referrals, well that and collapsing when they bat.

Even when England shit themselves on the WACA pitch, they looked like a composed side that would bounce back.  On the other hand, Australia’s win looked like it was basked on a freak occurrence that couldn’t be replicated, and it wasn’t.

Straight after the loss at the WACA they English back up bowlers were bowling in the middle, they did the same after Adelaide and Brisbane.  I doubt that England train more than Australia, they just seem to.

Even if Austalian bowlers were out in the middle after the test ended, I’d just assume England would do it better.

Because they seem to do everything that matters better.

And that is how you in a five test series.

Australia wasn’t just beaten; they were outplayed in every aspect of cricket on and off the ground.

This wasn’t a knockout, but a slow strangulation from England.

They didn’t do it with a brilliant cricket team, they did it with a professionally well drilled and organzied cricket team that were better than there opposition.

In the press conference Ricky Ponting talked about the betterment of the Australian cricket team.

Betterment is a rubbish word.

Andrew Strauss used far better words.

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17 thoughts on “England are better than Australia

  1. namya says:

    Did Ricky allow the journalist to talk? If he did he HAS to get the Nobel peace prize

  2. Gypsy Phantom says:

    It must be weird for Pommy cricket fans with all this celebratory drinking they’ve had to do since 2005, they would actually want to remember the previous day’s sporting event.

  3. Did anyone else pick up on the Paul Collingwood interview.

    According to Colly, apparently ‘we’ executed all our plans properly.

    I’m a bit disturbed to hear that Andy Flower sent his side out with a view to Colly scoring F—k all runs.

  4. Chris Weston says:

    I was pretty sure before the series that Ponting was shot as a batsman. I was pretty sure that England would get him out with full balls outside off stump, and if he got himself in they’d test his hooking and pulling until he failed. It says a lot for how badly he has faded that they never got the chance to try testing his hooking and pulling.

    His 50 in the first test was an angry, humiliated reaction to the incredible scoreline of 517/1. Once it was out of his system, he’d burnt himself out. Sure, he tried hard, but you need something else, and it’s gone from Ricky.

    He could go out and score a hundred in Sydney. I doubt it, but he could, the pressure is out of the series, and he’s not going to let any chance go by from now on. But he’s gone, really.

  5. Emskie says:

    betterment [ˈbɛtəmənt]
    1. a change for the better; improvement
    2. (Law) Property law an improvement effected on real property that enhances the value of the property

    Jrod…it is a word. Most commonly used in property law. So punter was merely appropriating rather than making his commentary up as he went along. It seems he saves that method for his captaincy.

  6. Deep Cower says:

    England are certainly a good (bowling) side, but beating an out of form Aussie outfit does not make them world beaters, as Ian Chappell seems to suggest. I can bet my bottom dollar they ain’t gonna have a series win against India anytime in the near future.

  7. Matt says:


    Meant to be better?
    Kiwi for Trescothik’s swinging sweeties?
    What Mitch manages to do in his once a year, once in a generation, how the fuck did I do that, look mum no hands performance?

    The Poms in this series, better men to a T.


  8. Deep Cower says:

    Also, this piece is biased. There are a few betters in the Aussie team as well.

    Ricky Ponting is still a much better captain than Strauss.
    Mitch’s tattoos are better than what KP could ever hope to get.
    Shane Watson is better at being disliked than Paul Collingwood.
    Nathan Hauritz is better at being ignored than Monty Panesar.
    Phil Hughes might not be a better opener than Cook, but he’s a better man. (No, literally. Have you seen Alastair?)
    Siddle is much better at arguing with the umpire than Gatting.
    Haddin is a better batsman than Prior.

  9. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    I agree to some point that Strauss’ “awwww lookkkk” and “played eksepshnally well” are better hollow phrases than “obviously” or even “betterment” , which is indeed a horrible word, in fact it is a Germanic word with a Latin ending attached to it, which is like putting Punter’s head on Tremlett’s body, and perhaps this is what makes it sound so shit.

    Interestingly you refer to Swann as a better tweeter

  10. Prior has better eyesight than Haddin
    Prior has a less over active imagination than Haddin
    Prior sees less things that aren’t there than Haddin


    Eoin Morgan is better at biting his tongue and biding his time than Usman Khawaja
    Paul Collingwood is the best tourist and passenger ever from England
    He has also gone down in the wisden archives as the best man around the dressing room ever in the history of cricket , why don’t we just take Peter Kay instead? I can’t work that one out

    Any captain in world cricket is more positive than Strauss (If I had a few quid on Tremlett been top wicket taker in this test, I’d be fuming with Strauss)
    Shane Watson is better at getting to 50 and chucking his wicket away that Ian Bell
    Mitchell Johnson is now officially the Australian Steve Harmison

    and I’m not having Siddle is better than Fat Gat at arguing with ump’s. Gatting is and always will be the best in the department.

    He also managed to get himself out of the country without getting shot, for a bloke that size, that was his greatest achievement.

  11. ghurram says:

    JRod, your cunning bastards won the other match. Alas, test cricket is back on track !

  12. Deep Cower says:

    Dean, I have a question. Are you wearing a bra in that picture?

  13. No, I’m a bird in a string vest

  14. steve says:

    I do prefer cream, though, to synthetic white. More traditional, classier.

    My God, that’s it! Australia stand now more for tradition than England.

  15. Steve, I thought you where on about my string vest/bra.

  16. Satish kumar says:

    Michael Clarke as new Australian Captain : Wont be sucessful because bad days of Austarlian Cricket and few Cricketers like Gilchrist/Hayden/symonds/Ponting started after their famous chesting in SYDNEY against India,Michael Clarke is one of them who supported the cheaters ,untill and unless they all accept and apologise for their junglee act they cannot bounce back and be ready for getting humiliated by bangladesh also

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