twas the night before boxing day…

‘Twas the night before Boxing day, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a Strauss;

The bats were knocked in and oiled with care,

In hopes that Mark Nicholas would never be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of cover drives danced in their heads;

And Richie is his jacket, and Punter in his cap,

Had just settled down for a long summer’s nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

Punter sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window he flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

When, what to Punter’s squinty eyes should appear,

But an Ian Chappell, and a barrel of beer,

Chappelli’s mouth was so lively and quick,

“Open up you little dick”.

Then he yelled and the others came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

“Now, Bill! now, Steve! now, Mark and Bob!

On, Kim! on Graham! on, Greg and AB!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now drink away! Drink away! drink away all!”

They drank so fast it was if they flew,

Laughing and abusing Mark Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, Punter heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As Punter drew in his head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney Mark Nicholas came with a hound.

He was dressed all in trendy clothes from his head to his foot,

And his body hair had long since gone caput;

A bundle of baggage he had flung on his back,

And he looked like metro with a fresh shaved sack.

He was skinny and shady and hung like an elf,

And Punter laughed when he saw him, in spite of himself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

He let punter know he had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And started tweeting platitudes like a complete jerk,

And then Chappelli punched his nose,

And the others stood around him, trying to impose;

He sprang to his car, as the blood ran out,

And young pup cried like a small scout.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

“Happy Boxing day to all, I’ll captain Australia out of spite.”

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13 thoughts on “twas the night before boxing day…

  1. ospriet says:

    magic! merry xmas

  2. DecSop1 says:

    Brilliant! Thanks! Happy Christmas.

  3. Martyd says:

    you are a poet
    and you know it

  4. Matt says:

    Love to see an obsequiously platitudinous plonker pilloried in poetry.

    Benaud announcing st nick as his successor is a bit like If God had picked Tony Grieg to be his son, ussain bolt passing the baton to mr ed, or someone naturally charismatic and reeking of effortless omniscience, endeavoring to teach a pig to dance. Either Benaud let himself and us down right at the end and confirmed that the transition was timely, or he likes his glory by way of juxtaposition.

  5. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to everyone, nice poem… in a few years Punter will come down the chimney… there’s no getting rid of him!!!!

  6. san says:

    Ha ha ha ha………….Lame !!!

  7. […] a wee gem from Jarrod Kimber of cricketwithballs fame to get you in the […]

  8. and Merry Christmas to you, Jrod!

  9. golandaaz says:

    merry christmas from all @ Opinions

  10. martin says:

    Thankyou Santa thankyou Jesus thankyou England. All out for 98. 98! The “Momentum” myth is exposed yet again. On TMS after two overs Boycott was saying that ther’s nothing in the pitch and england only put Australia in so that they could bat when the pitch was best on days two and three to ensure a draw and by sodoing win the Ashes. All out for 98 Geoff! Still, you’re an expert Geoff and no doubt could have batted on here with a stick of rhubarb. Man im as drunk as ten christmasses. Happy xmas to one and all.

  11. Sir Paddles says:

    Now drink away! Drink away! drink away all!

    Does that mean the Australian team were hung over from the night before. It would explain a lot.

  12. Sushant says:

    ‘Open up you little dick’ was just going with the flow but it worked beautifully. Class act.

  13. Jon says:

    Brilliant stuff. Possibly best post ever!

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