India’s cunning plan to defraud Test Cricket

As part of their plan to end test cricket, India have decided to devalue the World Number 1 test ranking.

Those cunning rat bastards.

Just when we all start to think they love test cricket, they lose a test by an innings to perhaps lose as badly as any world number one team has ever lost a first test.

Some players turned up so late that even Chris Gayle was upset. Warm up games were not required. Half the team were still playing in one dayers until day two of the test. And there is a rumour that Gary Kirsten was reading Herschelle Gibbs book instead of formulating plans to beat the Saffers.

Sure, some dude made runs again, but that was just a diversion.

The Indians want to devalue test cricket, they don’t want to get lynched for losing by an innings.

So they throw Sachin a couple of headlines while doing exactly what they always wanted to do, bring the five day game to it’s knees.

There are some who just think the lack of preperation was because of general stupidity, but I sense something more.

This has Lalit Modi’s professionally manicured hands all over it.

It’s a huge globo-national conspiracy I tell you, and Lalit Modi, in which ever third world country he is currently hiding in, is still pulling the strings and sniggering.

They couldn’t have been that bad on purpose, could they? No. This is all part of their sick little plan. They’re world number 1, and even with their history of phoning in the first test, this is a special kind of humiliation that can’t possible be just through bad play.

Even the timing of Sachin’s 50th hundred was sent to try and derail the Ashes.

They’re sick I tell you. If we don’t act now, we’ll all be wearing gold helmets and playing 8 over cricket for a bloke who owns Bollywood actresses and sells his piss as beer.

They’re world number 1, and even with their history of phoning in the first test; this is a special kind of humiliation.

It’s plain as day, they’re defrauding test cricket. Right in front of our eyes. Bastards.

Beware of India… Beware! Beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep. He eats little boys… Puppy dog tails, and BIG FAT SNAILS… Beware… Take care… Beware!

The cricket sadist.


16 thoughts on “India’s cunning plan to defraud Test Cricket

  1. ospriet says:

    i always suspected the cunning bastards – you’ve done a grand job whistleblowing this global conspiracy :P

    i fully expect you to wake up dead from a ‘tragic accident’ involving cricket bats and unspeakable things next week, so i’m gad i finally commeted ^^

  2. Rishabh says:

    You seem to have expected otherwise. We always lose/narrowly save the first match, and then win or draw the others. It’s how we roll.

  3. Max says:

    No conspiracy ever gets past you, does it, Jrod? :)

    Few corrections, though:
    a) LM prefers to hide in (so-called) 1st world countries… stroking a white cat while pondering his next devious plan!
    b) Give credit to Oz when it’s due, mate! They pioneered this conspiracy (probably with LM’s secret backing) when they got brutally hammered in Mohali in 2008, and went to lose 2-0 to India…following it up with losing the first 2 Tests to SA down under.
    c) LM then connived with the Indian physio to get Zaheer out of this Test…after all, Zak has had Smith’s number…and Smith was one of LM’s homeboys at Rajasthan Royals!
    c) Thereafter, LM indulged in “coin-fixing” to ensure that Dhoni lost the toss (again!) and India batted when the pitch was wet.
    d) Finally, LM paid off some SA witchdoctors to ensure perfect sunlight for the next 2 days when SA batted. Of course, those sneaky witch doctors extorted some more Rands out of LM by threatening to prolong the storm on Sunday evening into Day 5! But LM ensured the sun would shine brightly again on Monday morning…bringing to fruition his crafty scheme!

  4. s.singh says:

    1. This defeat was humiliating,but expected , you know sometimes… humiliation is so expectant irrespective of how hard you try,this was a prime example.

    2. All the celebrations and glee over Sachin’s 50th century, was nauseating

    hopefully it would get better otherwise it is just going to be deja vu

    p.s. – we are going to fuck the SAFs in one dayers ;)

  5. golandaaz says:

    test cricket will end when india lose their #1 ranking. They will then invent a format in which that can be #1 for a short while

  6. Venkata Pendyala says:

    Yup; the Indians ( I hate to say it as I am a proud Indian) are so fucking stupid.

    The Bastards Committee of Cunts and Imbeciles (BCCI) have a collective IQ of -50.

    Fuckers had to bring in Dan V to play the Indians in a 1 (Dan V + All other Kiwis = 1 player) on 11 contest just to screw NZ a little more. For what bloody cause.

  7. Ram5160 says:

    I liked the ” take care ” in the middle of the last sentence. Wish you would just throw in more random words like that in your articles.

  8. golandaaz says:

    the plan’s been thwarted…in an emergency ICC meeting earlier today

  9. “If we don’t act now, we’ll all be wearing gold helmets and playing 8 over cricket for a bloke who owns Bollywood actresses and sells his piss as beer.”
    ———I thought this was happening already…

  10. knowledge_eater says:

    AHAaaa so you got the news that Sachin scored 100, I thought no-one told you that, and you were too busy masturbating over Hussey. India will not stop playing test unless those Pomeranian are not beaten. And please pass my words to MCG ppl. to turn that into WACA. and also lastly watched all two pricks thingy and liked them. I like 3rd world country better where cellphones are saled by vendors with their cart for price of my cum.

    P.S. – Sachin still doesn’t like Cheese. :P

  11. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Thankfully you realised the urgency of a post about India! Half of the India-supporting readers of your blog have already imploded, and the other half…see knowledge eater’s green face!

  12. @AltCricket says:

    Modi’s piss might taste like piss, but I mean, it’s *MODI’S PISS*

  13. knowledge_eater says:

    @ Wes thanks for the compliments Mam, I have brownish radish face, if you look closely. :P


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