Goodbye, Marcus

With all the Beer Warne nonsense going on, Marcus North’s career ending hardly got a paragraph.

You’ve got to be a surprise inclusion or a botoxed old fella to get any media during these Ashes.

North was unassuming when he played, and his passing was the same.

I think that since I started the call for his axing when people were still calling him organised, I should be the one to say goodbye.

I’ve called North a toaster, waffle maker and a cockroach. Mentioned his loss of nip.  I’ve talked about how I would kill him, love to drink bourbon with him, made a very good betting system on his batting and said that he was Australia’s best spinner before he even played for Australia.

I’ve been kind to him, dreadfully mean to him and I’ve let him know how I felt at all times with my kind of bullshit honesty.

Now he is gone, and I think this is the end for him.

If you average is 35 after 21 tests, talking about your conversion rate of hundreds is sort of like talking about Mengele’s advances to the health industry.

He is 31, and Australia can’t look back now, not even if he could be a very good captain.

My favourite North innings was his first hundred, because I was still full of hope for this averagely talented first class batsman who could bowl a bit back then.

My favourite spell would have to be his bowling to Pakistan, six wickets of pure ass should always be celebrated.

I loved it when he found it funny that the same media who was talking about how he might go, then went to him in almost the same breath and wondered if he might be the next captain.

As much as I’ve called for his termination, I still like the guy, and I hope he helps the Warriors become a better team.

Any man who makes hundreds of 4 continents in 21 tests should be respected in the future, and I am now free to do that he is no longer the weak link in the middle order.

The other night I heard Mike Atherton say that he would have written savage reviews of himself had he been a writer watching himself play in another stream of reality.

I think North could be a good writer.  I’m basing this on nothing he has written, he just seems to be a terribly self aware guy, and I wanna know what he knows.

If you’re out there Marcus and you want to write about your career, you can do it here.  I’ll pay you in late night bourbon.

Marcus, you always tried, and I thank you for that.

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10 thoughts on “Goodbye, Marcus

  1. Howe_zat says:

    The end of North’s career is like when an 88 year old neighbour dies.

    It’s clearly a sad thing, you know they were probably really decent to have around, maybe you should have got to know them better. Didn’t even seem to be in that bad health, relatively speaking.

    But you also sort of know it was sadly pretty overdue. There were people you’d rather have had for a neighbour for a while now. Remember there was that one mate of yours who couldn’t get a house on your street because this old geezer stopped him? And besides, people have died for less good reasons than being 88 before.

    So long Marcus. He had a good go of it. But I guess time just caught up with him in the end.

  2. golandaaz says:

    he will be back for Sydney

  3. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Can’t believe you managed to make me feel melancholic about him, and, well, bad. For all the nasty thoughts I thought about him and the days on which I wanted to strangle him with my mere hands, just a nice little bit, you know, the Marcus North way of attacking someone.

    When they axed him it was more like something you had been waiting for for *too* long. When it happened it just happened and you felt surprisingly empty and unmoved and just went on from there. So yeah thanks for putting him in the limelight for a last time.

  4. Sunny says:

    he is clearly the cricketing version of the girl next door. may he prefers “all-australian”.

  5. raghu says:

    @golandaaz – He would open the bowling and batting at Sydney plus he would be the vice captain.

  6. knowledge_eater says:

    “He didn’t watch Lara closely enough, his high ‘back-lifts’ were just too high for cricket.”

  7. BenSix says:

    He’ll always have the memories…

    Bad, bad memories…

  8. Sunny says:

    is he going to hit the lifestyle / cooking circuit like other aussie cricketers?

  9. Martyd says:

    Not too late to emigrate across the Tasman – if Elliot can be an international player for NZ North could play well into his 40’s.

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