England’s amateur hours

For a while now the English team has been the most professional outfit in world cricket. They have got rid of fattiers, had analysts who just study analysts and all the players know how to find their light during photoshoots.

They have a coach for everything from guitar hero to tweeting.

It seemed that nothing could stop their long slow professional march towards better than mediocrity.

Today, Hussey and Haddin made them look amateur.

Catching departed them.

Ground fielding was 50/50 at best.

The field placings were not from the Andy Flower big book of cricket.

They got sulky and pissy.

And their shoulders dropped enough to worry both of their shoulder placement consultants.

It was not a good day for England.

They did not have the luck or the reviews to change anything. That is life, and I’m sure their team of life coaches have told them that on a daily basis.

I can understand them getting frustrated, especially over Hussey.

Having watched his form slump closely over the years, even if he got bat on ball only once in a backyard game against me, I’d take a plastic outdoor chair and beat him to death with it.

I, however, am not professional.

I don’t have any coaches, I don’t get taught how to react to bad situations. I just flip out.

From this English cricket team who has seemingly been programmed since Flower took over, I expected better than this.

It was one bad day, and while it was bad, it was not so bad that this team, who has had an armchair ride from the Australian press and public since they arrived, should struggle with.

Their cricket was pissy.

Perhaps they need a professionalism overhaul. A team of consultants to come in and just show them how to take all the tools at their disposal and get the most professionalism out of them. More coaches could help, and a team of analysts overlooking the new coaches who are instructing the old coaches.

They need at least 10% less pissy, because even if they win this series, there shall be more days that make you want to beat someone with a plastic outdoor chair.


4 thoughts on “England’s amateur hours

  1. drowning man says:

    Uncle JRod, i know it is completely unrelated to ashes and i doubt if you`d want to do anything with Pakistani cricketers after this summer, but i request you – watch this.


  2. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Sorry but you got a couple of things wrong here. Fielding, captaincy and attitude were fantastic. The UDRS sucked! I know this from very credible English sources. They would never lie to me about that.

  3. Chris Newell says:

    Haha I like this article a lot. I expected better from England too, heads dropped far too easily. Pissy is exactly the word, although did you see Cook’s bicepts when he was all tensed up dropping that catch? What a man.

    I was also pissed off that I stayed up until about half 5 in the morning (in England) and saw Australia totally dominate us for ages, score loads of runs & we took no wickets, then as soon as I went to bed we took 5 bloody wickets! Nice one Finny you twat!

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