I’m more relaxed than you

The Poms were standing around laughing.

The Aussies kept smiling at each other.

It was an interesting understated vaudeville performance.  Two well matched relaxed yet professional outfits trying to ensure that they were the ones who were the more ready looking for tomorrow.

The Australian and English relaxing coaches were in overdrive.  The players had been practicing yoga, listening to Polyphonic spree, smoking weed, and watching DVDs of whales swimming.  All for this one moment.

The day before the cricket starts.

Because you don’t want to look to tense, or eager.  You need to keep your cool on.  Make sure that every knows you are ready for the next day’s play.  Everyone who is paid to come to and watch people standing around is waiting for a millisecond of weakness, so you must remain less than human.

That is why Haddin was reading a copy of ‘Men are from Mars and Keepers are from Uranus’ instead of practicing.

Finn refused to even come out on the ground as he was kicking ass on the classical edition of Guitar Hero.

Aleem Dar went to the Gold Coast, just so he would look casual as well.  He was last seen in budgie smugglers at Coolangatta twirling a little umbrella in his mouth.

That is how today was.  Sort of odd, cold and boring.

Weeks ago I said to a friend, fuck I want the ashes to start, just so I don’t have to listen to people talking about the ashes starting.

This post is something like that.

I don’t care who is relaxed, who takes a picture with who, what boring sentiments people state in press conferences, just play the cricket.

One day when I run the universe I shall ban talk of all test series before they commence.

I shall also make all Natalie Portman films (even where the heart is) compulsory and give everyone free Woodford Reserve Bourbon.

Oh, and free dim sims.

Let the real bullshit begin.

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17 thoughts on “I’m more relaxed than you

  1. Dave says:

    I’m not excited. ~gibber~

  2. MrKistic says:

    I’m not excited about flying to Brisbane for a weekend of rainy test watching either.

    But I’m very excited about my free dim sims.

  3. Howe_zat says:

    If you ban talking about a test series before it has begun, aren’t cricket blogs a bit on the fucked side?

  4. It would be better if the ban is extended only to the “historic” series like:
    1) The Ashes
    2) India Pakistan (if/when they play)

    The rest are not that talked about. Heck. one month from now the No. 1 Test side is visiting the No. 2 Test side to decide once and for all (after two stalemates played in the country of the No. 1 Test side) just who the hell is better. And what is being said about it? Zilch, nada, zero.

  5. knowledge_eater says:

    Can I be guest star in those movies. ! Plzzzz I would do anything. hehe

    And what on earth dim sims! I have to google it now.

  6. Deep Cower says:

    More talk about wanting less talk. There is a lesson for life in there somewhere.

  7. knowledge_eater says:

    Ohh I know after seeing images, we do have that on veggi. side its call this

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kachori

  8. golandaaz says:

    The ashes is obviously the main event. But staggered over the next 7 weeks, 4 of the top 5 teams will be playing 8 mouth watering tests

    http://opinionsoncricket-india.blogspot.com/2010/11/season-finale.html

  9. Phred says:

    Dim sims, a FUIC (Farmers Union Iced Coffee), Coopers Sparkling Ale, Balfour’s pies (Four N Twenty would suffice), Chiko Rolls, Butterfish … OMG I miss Australia … thanks a bloody lot, JRod ;)

  10. Rusty says:

    Great call JRod – I have been saying the same thing for a while … enjoy the series mate, I look forward to reading your thoughts – am somewhat jealous, and 4 years ago I was about to head into the Gabba to watch THAT ball and a sensational first days play … slightly better than sitting here in the snow!

    Good point Dhannu btw!

  11. Rusty says:

    Great call JRod – I have been saying the same thing for a while … enjoy the series mate, I look forward to reading your thoughts – am somewhat jealous, 4 years ago I was about to head into the Gabba, for my first Gabba test experience and to watch THAT ball and a sensational first days play … slightly better than sitting here in the snow!

    Good point Dhannu btw!

  12. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Well, Strauss is certainly the coolest guy around, his press conference nearly put me to sleep, or maybe it was the whale DVDs?

  13. Rishabh says:

    No talking before the Ashes? What will Pidge do?

  14. […] I’m more relaxed than you — Cricket with Balls […]

  15. Matt says:

    Strauss looking less than relaxed after facing 2nd ball

  16. jogesh99 says:

    You got it all wrong jrod – great talk, mediocre cricket – thats what the Ashes are.

  17. soots says:

    Free Wooford Reserve you say! you sir, are a man of class and taste!

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