balls profile: Alastair Cook

No cricketer has ever worn more eye shadow while fishing at edges and opening the batting for England than Alastair Cook. Should really be called mini-Strauss, as he is very similar to Strauss, but sort of less. Has major technical flaws, never really puts his stamp on good attacks, and looks like he is confused as to what is happening around him. Luckily, he also has amazing patience, zen patience. The sort of guy who will stay outside in a queue for a cool night club for hours knowing that when he gets in it will be fun, even if he will only drink diet lemonade when inside. As explained in his Britneyesque autobiography, he is the most working class person from Essex to ever regularly go skiing. His brother is a top bloke.

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6 thoughts on “balls profile: Alastair Cook

  1. golandaaz says:

    He looks sleepy all the time. Not many can get 100s in their sleep.

  2. Deep Cower says:

    I can only conclude by looking at Cook that God wanted to create a woman, and changed His mind halfway.

  3. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Jrod this post is proof that you’re a real man… they can never tell the difference between eye shadow, eyeliner and mascara…

  4. Sunny says:

    reminds me a lot of clarkie. has that same “try hard” but I am “still shit” vibe to him. captaincy by default is also another trait.

  5. Working Class!

    He is one of those blokes who must have a picture of his boss being compromised on Clapham Common, as why on earth has he never been dropped?

    It’s amazing how slowly you can come back to form when you are immune from being dropped.

    And he is always half asleep in the field.

  6. Howe_zat says:

    You’ve just reminded me why I love him so much. Damn you.

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