balls profile: shane watson

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It takes real talent to be hated when you are pathetic and just as despised when you are good. Even those who have the talent to get to this level of hatred could never do it as well as Shane Watson. When not in front of the mirror, he seems to be able to move 95% of cricket fans into a frenzy of hate, pure detestation, clear revulsion, and a general uneasy sickness of rage. When he walks around town he has to prance through puddle after puddle of bile as people tend top spew it towards him involuntarily. The great thing about Watson is he seems to not be overly worried by this, the slushing of the bile around his trendy shoes has never changed who he is. His effectively-bullish technically-flawed batting and his elderly-man-getting-out-of-a-car bowling style have very little to do with the bile. The fact that he’s made himself into a very respectable opener does nothing to stop the loathing, and his bowling getting worse didn’t endear him to anyone either. It seems that almost everyone has a reason to hate Shane Watson, the most common being his fear of ghosts, how metrosexual he is, the posing, that he was created during operation paper clip, when he sent off Chris Gayle, calling a press conference to explain how he ate his breakfast (that he bought with Medifast coupons), how he is now good, calling Ajmal for chucking while facing him, that he was once rubbish and the time he hit Gambhir’s elbow. The really good thing about Watson is you don’t need a reason to hate him, it just comes natural. I’m sure he is a great friend, lover, confidant and son, when not playing cricket. He appears daily on the honours board at Lords, like Agit Agarkar. Does Pilates, not Yogalates, the prick.

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16 thoughts on “balls profile: shane watson

  1. Ajesh Nag says:

    “elderly-man-getting-out-of-a-car bowling style”

    For years wanted to express similarly but never found the words :-D

  2. Up Above says:

    one another name comes immediately to mind for this honour list of the hated and despised – harbhajan singh

  3. knowledge_eater says:

    Ahhhh wasn’t that priceless from Master, now I feel slightly better. “It does come naturally”

    His menstrual period is over. His emotions are getting better. But he might have to take enough Ca+2 to prevent osteoporosis. and oooohhh don’t I love his hair. Absolutely beautiful.

  4. Adding to the list of reasons to hate Watson:

    The smirk on his face when he’s batting well or trying to sledge while fielding/bowling — the good thing about it is that smirk is immediately wiped away when he gets out in 90 odd or when the batsman flicks him for 4.

    you don’t need any reasons to hate him — that’s true because there are so many reasons to hate him that you can pull one straight out of the hat anytime you want.

  5. golandaaz says:

    Its surprising, he hasn’t broken down in 3 years. I hate him for that

  6. reina says:

    He just has…one of those faces. Wanting to hit it is the only natural reaction, just like those massive ugly-as-sin insects in the Amazon rainforest to which every sane human’s immediate reaction is ‘FUCKING HELL KILL IT WITH FIRE FUCK FUCK AAH’

    Exactly the same.

  7. MartDawg says:

    reina – nail on head

  8. Sach says:

    In addition to the being in Lord’s honors board, now he also have the honor of having the longest CWB Profile. WOW!

  9. warlock says:

    I don’t hate Shane Watson, but he confused me, as I wondered what Aaron Eckhart was doing in the Australian test side.

  10. Pete says:

    my lady friends love his ass :/

  11. Pete says:

    as in friends that are ladies

  12. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Ahhh gold ^^ although you seem to have changed your views on his lover skills? Apart from that, everything everybody else has added, and his taste in boxer shorts… yuck

  13. Suprise says:

    He’s like a finger up your arse to massage your prostate when you’re getting a blow job. The shocking rudeness is forgotten as the game comes to a climax.

  14. Sach says:

    elegantstroke, thanks for the article.

    UncleJ, why are you ‘belittling’ his action eh?

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