For Sehwagology the bell tolls

This morning I was sleeping while Sehwag was giving a rabble rousing sermon with some assistance by the former test nation from New Zealand.

That is ok, I think of all the prophets, in all the religions, I doubt there is any who respect sleep more than Sehwag.

Also I believe I have enough Sehwagology in my life.  Sure, another sermon would be fun and fulfilling, but I’m all good.

However, as rich politicians always say, there are a lot of people out there doing it tough, and perhaps they needed a bit of a help from Sehwag.

Now if they saw this innings, it’s all good, but if not, they’ve just missed out on an injection of life. A pure hit of adrenaline straight into their eyeballs. Which sounds much worse than it is.

With a whole world of Sehwagolosists out there, some of them are going to miss his best work. It doesn’t have to be this way.

What we need is some sort of system to inform everyone.

At first I thought an iphone app, then I was told that several billions of people don’t have iphones, and the truly under privileged don’t even have a blackberry.

Then I thought of automated phone calls.  It was then pointed out that it wouldn’t work because of the sheer number of people who need sehwagology, and the limited phone connections in rural backwaters like New Texas.

Luckily I had a moment of inspiration inspired by the mother of Curtly Ambrose.

Ring the bell.

All Sehwagologists should carry bells with them, and have bells installed in their homes, so they can ring the bells when Sehwag is on the rampage.

Imagine it, you’re having a snooze in the afternoon, looking for autoerotic asphyxiation porn, in a business meeting or studying calculus and suddenly you hear multiple bells ringing.  You turn on whatever device you get your cricket from and listen, watch or read what Sehwag is giving you.

It means that you’ll probably never miss another important Sehwag innings in your life.

Plus Sehwagologists can be known as the bell ringers.  Which, as far as cults go, is not the shittest name ever.

Ring that bell, people, ring it fast and reckless.

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11 thoughts on “For Sehwagology the bell tolls

  1. Rishabh says:

    It’s more fun if everyone just screams “he speaks!” at the same time…

  2. theevilp says:

    Or you could access twitter!

  3. Mahek says:

    I was there! I have been Sehwagolised.

  4. warlock says:

    Here in NZ, we’ll tell each other about Sehwag’s masterful denunciation of the sins of short, wide, military medium bowling by lighting fireworks.

    Hang on, it’s November 5 and we’ll be lighting them anyway. Writing an ‘S’ with a sparkler may have to suffice. If only they hadn’t banned double happies. They’d garner more attention than bells, while sounding remarkably like a Sehwag straight drive.

  5. Yenjvoy says:

    JRod, I think you just gave the Sehwagology nation its mantra – Sehwag baba ji ka ghanta baj gaya !! :-D

  6. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Ha ha thank god I live in a largely cricket-free country… although… we have a vital Indian community over here…

  7. Amsterdam says:

    Are you sulking coz you missed his innings today? :-D

  8. knowledge_eater says:

    I wish I was there, but nevertheless. I will ring it. Also, its healthy by seeing thousand of people using cell phone from same area at the same time everytime, thats defiantly will give radiation problems, which is becoming highly current debated health risk, let’s see what happens!

    The amazing thing is, he treats all poor human beings (bowlers) with same love by smashing them all over the ground.

  9. Matt says:

    I wonder if we can put a chp in Sehwag which triggers an aotumatic emil/sms/mms/phon message whenever hi cerebral cortex endures a spie in cortisol…

    Might need a porn filter tho- dont want any false alarms

  10. Chris Weston says:

    If there was ever a sign that the cricket world is upside down it’s in Sehwag’s stats. He is the destroyer, the man with records galore. He averages over 50 in tests at nearly a run a ball.

    Once upon a time, when you looked at international players, and queried their best score, it was often against England. England play a lot of Tests, and England were poor.

    Sehwag averages less against England than against any other team. This is not a statistical anomaly. Sehwag has played 11 tests against England.

    This is not normal. This may be one of the Signs of the End.

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