Is Abdul Razzaq a Vampire?

The fact that Abdul Razzaq never ages should have been our major clue.

He also doesn’t ever seem that bothered.

If you knew your life was eternal, the odd stupid dismissal wouldn’t bother you as much.

Then there is his general demeanour. That sort of camp privileged way he holds himself.

Sort of like a lowly royal from the 1800s in Bulgaria, who was bitten after a late night rendezvous with prostitute. Camp, but straight.

How often does he look like he has a pulse?

It’s clear to me that Abdul Razzaq is a vampire.

I’ve never really liked vampires.

All that prancing about, stupid nonsense with the necks, the sunlight bullshit, I just can’t be bothered with any of it.

Abdul Razzaq I like.

I liked him before today.

Today just made him ever more likeable.

And the good thing is, if he wants to, he can play forever.

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19 thoughts on “Is Abdul Razzaq a Vampire?

  1. Wes ~PFCNFS~ says:

    Wish he could. Well, he obviously can. Need more players like him, who know where their arse belongs, even after they took a key wicket. Who don’t smack their brain into the stands along with the first ball. Who remain unaffected by the headless crowd.
    I also think his age is overestimated. He is probably in his early 30s, smooth complexion and everything.

  2. Rishabh says:

    He’s actually only 30, and he made his debut a month after Afridi. Both were 16 at the time. Guess who’s done better stat-wise?

  3. Aatif says:

    Tom Cruise, Robert Pattinson, Brad Pitt, Kirsten Dunst, Andy Townsend, Aaliyah and countless others I can’t be bothered to remember: eat your heart out!

  4. Deep Cower says:

    Your post did not mention silver bullets. You needed to mention silver bullets.

  5. BT says:

    @Deep Cower

    Silver bullets are for werewolves.

    Absolutely hilarious post!

  6. Razzaq is also quite handsome, in an ugly sort of way. i defy you to look at him in the moments following his extraordinary century and not think of him as somewhat Byronic, a Poet rather than a cricketer, gazing off into the distance with big luminous eyes. Actually, Pakistan share more than their fair share of players who, under a certain light, can either charm or terrify. Ajmal, Akhtar, Afridi, Wahab all spring to mind. In fact, both Waqar and Wasim would threaten to break hearts and mirrors in equal measure. Unlike, say India or Australia or England where players quite distinctively straddle the ‘ugly or beautiful’ line, Pakistan wander in a sort of male beauty purgatory, genetically unsure and waiting for that certain light or camera angle to finally set the record straight one way or another.

  7. MaulaJatt says:

    Abdul Razzaq has hydraulic legs. Some say, he sleeps with his eyes open and that he has a third testicle hidden in his batting glove.

  8. MaulaJatt says:

    It was said, that coach Waqar Younis asked Razzaq to slip his third testicle in the glove. For better grip. Gilchrist did that in the world cup, he went ballistic after that.

  9. Come to think of it, all his great performances have come in the night.
    Absolutely smashing innings that. The only thing preventing it from being one of the greatest innings is that it was played in a bilateral series and not a World Tournament.
    Thank my lucky stars I was able to withstand the brutal batting of the others bar Afridi and Alam and stayed till the end.

  10. Max says:

    Very incisive Jrod! And he certainly seems ageless… can’t believe after playing for all these years he’s still only 30! I mean KP’s 30…and he’s been around for only 5 years.

    “Come to think of it, all his great performances have come in the night.”
    Good catch @Dhaanu! I still remember the time he blasted McGrath for 4,4,4,4,4 after the sun went down in Oz…back in 1999-2000…sensational!!

    But I have to disagree that this 109* isn’t a GREAT innings. I think it most definitely is! I take your point that multi-team tournaments put greater pressure on players because the fans’ / media’s / players’ expectations are much higher… but still, the man scored virtually all of the last 60 runs of the chase in the company of tailenders…at a SR of 200 (2nd half of his innings)…vs a top nation (even if Steyn, Kallis were absent). To me, that makes this a GREAT innings.

  11. knowledge_eater says:

    He is in my Top 5 Pakistani players list. His batting grip is special one. And I agree with Dhaanu and Jrod he is really a Vampire. If you see his eyes it looks like he is not using them, he is using his special sense of waves. Thats why he seems to pick up balls length and line and middle them so accurately.

  12. s singh says:

    PCB know it , hence they can ban him anytime for a few years and still know he would not have aged once hes back

  13. Sunny says:

    the spinach diet is finally paying off?

  14. Masuud says:

    Just brilliant. Loved it!

  15. Abigail says:

    Great innings but SA’s attack looked ordinary. Why do they persist with the ever-useless Langeveldt? Why don’t they give some of the young-uns like Parnell and Theron a run? Albie’s a pie chucker. Did SA fix this by bowling Albie and Langeveldt at the end there in tandem?? Their attack is sub-standard atm.

  16. @Max – Innings was great and the hitting awesome. Not just one of the Greatest i.e. the top 10 innings. For me to reach that pinnacle, it has to have something more at stake than in a bilateral series which IMHO is just warm ups before the real shit (Tests).

    But yes, great innings.

    P.S. – If someone says that even SRT’s 200 was in a bilateral series, answer is, Yes it was. Even that is not among the greatest. I would rate Collis King’s 80 odd of 1979 over that.

  17. abdul razzack says:

    thanks for remembering my innings. strange, you write about a dessert match when you blokes are getting a thrashing of a lifetime from sri lanka in perth. why no comments on that match??

    • jrod says:

      abdul, I don’t comment on all matches, like I didn’t on the SA V PAK matches that you didn’t make hundreds in.

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