It isn’t just bowlers who lose their nip

Over the last year I have been looking at the Australian line up underperforming, and I thought it was just a form thing.  Now I realise that is something way deeper than that.

A great deal of the Australian batsman have lost their nip.  For many years I have heard of many bowlers losing their nip.  Andy Caddick, Matthew Hoggard, Jason Gillespie, Stuart Clark are just a few names that people throw out there.

Batsman can’t lose nip.  It is a largely made up term just for the excuse of dropping bowlers.

Fuck that though, batsman have nip too.  They have footwork nip, concentration nip and consistency nip.  So these are the three batsman in the Australian line up who have lost their nip.

It doesn’t mean they should be dropped, as nip is not the be all and end all, but the losing of nip must be reported on by any caring media type.

Ponting – His nip has been lost and you can see it by the fact he now lacks the judgement to make a single and short balls are suddenly his enemy.  He has also not questioned anyone’s integrity for the longest time.

Hussey – Average of 84 after 20 tests, Averaging 34 in his next 34 tests.  That is nip suicide, my friends.  His nip left the building 35 tests ago, and since then his nipless self has managed 3 test centuries.

North – I got a bunch of correspondence from people saying, you poor thing, you bag North and he makes runs, you must feel like an idiot.  No, I feel vindicated.  North made a hundred in a 2 test series, and still his career average went down slightly.  And being that he averaged 37 coming in, you’d think with one hundred in two tests that would go up, not down.  It is possible that North has no nipples, let alone nip.

Internationally there are other losses in nip.

Rahul Dravid has lost nip with only one good year in his last 4, he should retire and become  president of the world.

Sanath Jayasuriya needed presidential pardons when his nip left.

Yasir Hameed lost his nip NOTW has claimed in an exclusive that will shake up the cricket world.

Paul Collingwood, although some would argue that losing his nip has helped him succeed.

Ofcourse others who don’t bat or bowl have lost their nip.

Billy Bowden’s nip has been gone for years, his weird umpiring kinks are part of an occult belief that he hopes will bring them back.

Tony Greig sold his nip to get a surround sound system years ago.

Lalit Modi’s nip has been confiscated by the ED after he tweeted about it.

Jrod lost his nip years ago in a nasty foreskin/zipper accident.

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10 thoughts on “It isn’t just bowlers who lose their nip

  1. Deep Cower says:

    Actually Sachin Tendulkar lost his nip right after 1998. He is just really good at not letting people know.

  2. Rishabh says:

    Actually, I think Sachin has a third nip.

  3. Deep Cower says:

    Ha, Rish, you haven’t heard the full story. Ijaz Butt claims Sachin Tendulkar’s third nip is actually Jrod’s foreskin carefully recycled in China. I have reasons to believe this.

  4. Rishabh says:

    I would have thought Jrod’s nip would be sacrificed on a Sehwagian altar. This is blasphemous!

  5. Matt says:

    I reckon Jrod deliberately self sacrificed his nip in a kind of ‘entering manhood’ ceremony, where he fried it up with onions (as you would a placenta) and washed it down with a DR Pepper, signifying the death of his child self.

    Just my 2 (monopoly) cents

  6. poopsie says:

    Did North ever have nip to begin with?

  7. Matt says:

    I think North had the yips instead and loses them 1 test in 5- but finds them again very quickly

  8. Govind Raj says:

    Here are the ‘OTHER’ missing nips…

    Gambhir lost all his nips since his lips started working overtime.

    Yuveraj Singh lost his nip thanks to a widening hip.

    Rohit Sharma doesn’t know what is a nip.

    MoYo’s nip has retired for the time being.

    Younis Khan has lost his nip and he is still searching for it.

    Harbhajan Singh lost his nip during Mohali test. He has asked Symonds to help him search it “Teri Maaki” !

    Rahul Dravid’s lost nip was found by Ishant Sharma and he is using it to grind.

    Salman’s nip is in his Butt and he shits it every morning.

  9. Benny says:

    wow…thanx jrod….now i can’t get the word ‘nip’ outta my head…aargghhh!!

  10. Chris Weston says:

    For some time now I’ve been quietly coming to the conclusion that Ponting has jumped the shark, if you like. The Indian seamers weren’t up to much, I expect the England boys to be asking him to drive early on and hook if he lingers. A return to form would do a huge amount to return the Ashes to Australia – a falling away from his current holding position would pretty much mean a series defeat. A lot balances on those hairy little golem shoulders over the next few months.

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