Save IOB

So I wrote this at cricinfo, and IOB is still not saved.  I’ve always assumed my fans are rabid revolutionaries that are just waiting for a cause to bite the ass of the establishment, maybe this is the cause.

There once was a cricketer more romantic than you, who decided to make his career by bowling into the wind. He had an extra “I” in his name for no reason, liked taking pictures of his own feet, and became Test cricket’s greatest blogger along the way.

He is Iain Edward O’Brien, enemy to ghostwriters, saviour of into-the-wind bowling and hero to those he tweets to. While most of us would never have noticed this hardworking Kiwi quick had he not talked about being called rude things by the Gabba crowd, we now know him, and we await his every tweet, blog and commentary stint with the hunger of Bon Jovi fans.

When he left international cricket to be with his wife, international cricket sobbed a big wet soppy tear at losing a true romantic.

Luckily for those who live in the British Isles, it was the cultural hotbed of Matlock that Iain chose to live in with his wife. This meant that while some cricket fans would miss out on him, British fans would get to see him up close and personal when he signed for Middlesex.

It is true that while playing for Middlesex, Iain spent most of his time with his butt in the air (not an Ijaz joke) with physios and doctors manipulating his injured posterior. When he was fit, he would pop in with a seven-wicket haul, but such is the class of this man that even injured he could keep county cricket fans happy with endless jokes about his injury.

Iain is truly a man of the cyber people and also the darling of Lord’s. Chatting to po-faced Middlesex fans for hours on end about the team they love, while looking resplendent in their pink colours. He even took to the microphone in between extensive rear-end medical work, working his magic for the BBC London, Five Live Sports Extra and Test Match Sofa.

You might be thinking, is there nothing this man can’t do?

Well, he can’t bat, and thanks to a scandalous group that also reside at Lord’s, he can no longer play county cricket for Middlesex. The ECB (or friends of Allen Stanford as some call them) has decided that even though Iain O’Brien has qualified as an English player through his romantic intentions, and that he could legally work for the ECB, he cannot play cricket in England.

I tried to contact a few other county players to see what they thought about Iain O’Brien’s case, but most of them were in South Africa. On holiday, I guess.

Thanks to the ECB’s wacky decision, Iain will probably have to play for some side in Matlock. You know what this means: Iain bouncing young villagers due to still being angry at the ECB. Is that what you want? Surely not.

In Ricky Ponting’s latest book he takes precious time out of talking about how the media abuse him, just to have a go at Iain O’Brien for an incident at the Adelaide Oval. I think you will agree with me that any man who annoys Ricky that much needs our support.

Let us help keep the most romantic cricketer in the world stay at Middlesex, join the Facebook group.

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5 thoughts on “Save IOB

  1. yenjvoy says:

    What is the reason for O’Brien not being allowed to play in England?

  2. Ram5160 says:

    I checked the number of members in the group when the cricinfo article first appeared- was around 250. Now I guess its doubled. So, I would say the number of rabid revolutionaries are round 258. Not bad.

  3. Mybe it is the Tory Party and their new immigration policy that is really at work?

    Maybe they have done a deal with Gile$ Clar£e behind closed doors for O’Brien’s removal from the country.

    It does seem a bit of a strange one when you consider some of the players who can play in England as so-called English qualified, although they were supposed to be tightening up the rules surrounding this.

    Maybe IOB is the first victim of this?

    Or maybe his biggest crime is not having a helicopter full of cash parked on the Nursery Ground or a South African accent.

  4. Michael Wagener says:

    I think that Iain should join the saffers and cheat the system. Cook Islands is part of the Kolpak group, and as New Zealand still technically owns the Cook Islands, all a New Zealander has to do to get a Cook Islands passport is pay $120 and get a government official to sign a bit of paper.

    Surely we can find one cricket loving Cook Island government official to do this for us…

  5. knowledge_eater says:

    I am sick of this kind of Hypocrisy. The best way to protest is to not go to watch single match of County or at least Middlesex. Sorry but you must twist one of the tentacle of mega octopus to get an attention.

    No offence but the person who are on refugee status can freely enter the country and have a citizenship just because there are political ties. But lovers who wants to spend rest of the life with the person they love, can’t because he is an outsider !!! really. Rewrite your fucking constitution turds.

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