Sachin Tendulkar scores two centuries in one day

You already know that Sachin Tendulkar is better than you. No matter what your special talent is he’d be better at it. He can juggle Volkswagens while rolling a cigarette without use of his arms.

Today, as we can reveal exclusively, he took his special skills further when he performed perhaps the greatest feat in test cricket, making a hundred at both ends.

While many people claimed to have seen Murali Vijay at the other end, this was actually a hologram.  Vijay is class, but he was not even at the Bangalore ground.

Sachin’s trick was necessary because the laws of cricket state that you can’t bat at both ends at once.  Sachin, like a young Bruce Wayne, wanted to spice things up a bit. And really, what is cooler than batting at both ends.

Apparently he first decided to do this when seeing Peter George and Nathan Hauritz bowl in tandem yesteryday.

“Sometimes, you can’t rely on the other batsman to get you on strike, but by being at both ends I could face them at all times”.

The trick that was done with Sachin’s special effects company – Tenduklar light and magic – and special consent from the BCCI via text message.

You might say that while Sachin’s batting was good, he has surely played better innings from just one end. It’s true, but batting at both ends is quite tiring after a while.

Most cricketers get tired just batting at one.  Plus, all those mid pitch conversations must have been weird.

“Sachin, you are god”.

“No, Sachin, you are god”.

“You’re too kind to say so, but you’re so money and you don’t even know it”.

The ICC are already looking at banning this technology, they’ve consulted Simon Katich and he is against it.

It was originally thought that Australia would be upset over the trick, but when asked, Ponting said, “Really, well, that is weird, but to be honest we probably wouldn’t have got the hologram out today, let alone another batsman. The boys tried really hard though and I hope they can have a big day tomorrow”.

Brad Hogg also discussed it, “Look, Indians really love cricket, and I don’t know what all this talk about telegrams is, but they love their cricket here, I’ll tell you that”.

Sachin and the real MS Dhoni will continue their innings tomorrow.

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17 thoughts on “Sachin Tendulkar scores two centuries in one day

  1. On the up says:

    The clone had a 10 percent Sehwag mix which was used to get from 90s to a hundred.

  2. george says:

    You’re a towel!
    No towlie, your a towel!

    … Ok, I’m a towel. Now lets get high.

  3. The last time Vijay knocked 87, The batsman at the other end scored as much as Pakistan would score in two innings. Who knows, what will happen tomorrow…may be we are in for witnessing the first triple..

  4. Vinay says:

    Hey J,
    Deep down you are diehard aussie fan aren’t u?

    • jrod says:

      Vinay, No deep down I am a woman trapped in the body of a dog trying to swim upstream in a river of shit. Actually, no, that is right, I am Australian, so therefore an Australian fan, sorry, got confused.

  5. Hitesh says:

    You wrote it just as i would have imagined it to be…if i was on acid and mescaline on the same time….awesome…

  6. Crownish says:

    I could tell which one was the hologram because it didn’t readjust it’s box so often

  7. Lou says:

    George. One of the great Australian idiot commentators.

    Tendulkar is something else.

  8. Apart from a 50 over world cup victory, the one thing missing is the triple century.

    No offence to all you Aussies, but I hope he does it on day 4.

  9. Deep Cower says:

    I learned today that Kallis has more test centuries than Lara, Dravid, Sobers or Bradman. I want to stab myself.

  10. hi says:

    where is krejza? I thought he was really good

  11. stantswhore says:

    hey guys!
    are you not missing a point here….?!
    we still have a chance to blame him….. His first innings average is better than his second innings average….
    second innings score is what counts.. who cares about first innings joke?!
    long live the so called satire..!!

  12. anonymouse says:

    I don’t know if you get to listen to Ravi Shastri’s commentary
    (after the ages of Raina , Vijay , Pujara when Sachin debuted 20+ years ago was shown on screen)

    ‘no wonder they call him Daddy .. not even Daddy , but Big Daddy’

  13. Govind Raj says:

    Deep Cower,

    That is not quite right. Kallis is a ‘Modern Day Master’. Howsoever selfish he might appear at times, he is the only batsman after Sachin to get better and do well in all 3 formats of the game today. No other batsman has done better after being 35 ! Well, Laxman partly !

    He deserves more centuries than Lara, Dravid and Sobers any day. Nobody could be equated with Bradman because he played only 52 tests.

    Kallis is one of the Greatest Ever to play the game of Cricket !

  14. Sunny says:

    jacques kallis…even de villiers makes fun of him!

  15. […] innings has been written about here, here, here, here, here, here and here. So I am going to write about the other things that also happened on Day […]

  16. MartDawg says:

    jacques kallis is a cunt though. i realise that is not the most insightful comment, but factually it is unarguable.

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